Posts Tagged ‘Power’
Monday, March 1st, 2010
There is an interesting new TV program airing this Friday; “Who Do You Think You Are?” based on finding the long lost ancestors of celebrities.
This is not just for the rich and the famous. I believe we all would benefit from finding out more about where we came from, and what patterns of behavior were handed down from generation to generation.
Most of us are interested in ourselves and don’t care all that much about the stories of those who came before us. We are polite when grandparents talk about “walking miles to school on dirt roads in flimsy shoes with only an apple for lunch.” We say to ourselves that times have changed and that was then, not the way it is now. We want to stay in the present and not look back.
So, what is the value of searching for ancestors and finding out more about where we came from? Lisa Kudrow, of “Friends” fame and producer of the new series put it clearly “We always forget how important history is. It informs everything that happens after.”
In “Don’t Bring It to Work”, there is a way to begin the search for your own history, because Kudrow is right, the past does inform everything that happens after. In the book is an outline of a “Sankofa Map”. The word Sankofa comes from Ghana and means “clear the past to free the present”.
What we know we can change, what remains hidden, can haunt us. No, it is not possible to know all the details; that is not what matters. What matters is finding the themes that have tumbled through our histories. So, often with a little time and willingness to dig down, the pieces of our personal histories are available to us.
It is so important for leaders to take the concept of self awareness into the long-ago past and find out how the patterns handed down from great grandparents to grandparents to parents to children through the ages impact decisions made right now.
The stories we learn about can be fascinating and shed light on why we do what we do. Every family has its share of heroes as well as villains and we can then pull on the positive patterns and stand on the shoulders of the past rather than repeat it.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Communication, Conflict, Emotions, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Health, History, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Money, Neuroscience, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, Relationships, Sankofa
Posted in Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Health, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Management, Media, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
Recently Jeff Zucker, President and CEO of General Electric Co’s NBC Universal Entertainment, told PBS interviewer Charlie Rose: “It’s the sign of a leader to step up and say you know when something’s not working, and have the guts to reverse it”.
By the end of the interview, it was questionable whether Zucker, like Conan O’Brien, would be fired. That is the way we work. Take risks, win and get the equivalent of an Oscar. Lose, and get the boot!
Is there a better way? Can there be a middle ground where what is learned when risk- taking fails gets dissected, and gives those in the loop a chance to reform their thoughts and actions in a more positive way?
What is so often the case is that the “loser” is so busy defending what has happened and is feeling the heatwaves of being under constant attack, there is no time to learn from what has been going on.
As a culture, we are so addicted to winning, and accept that as the only way. We lose, yes – lose both sight of the value of the down side of risk taking, as well as the human cost of defending, explaining and justifying behavior.
Jeff Zucker may be in a stagnant time in his career. He may be used up in his CEO role. On the other hand, he may well be in a fertile time of learning from the mess and come up with some real and juicy ideas that will get NBC out of the doldrums. If he is fired, he will lose and so will whoever replaces him. There is always backlash where the pendulum often swings to the opposite side. Thus, conservative, risk adverse individuals often follow the risk takers and progress is paralyzed.
So, NBC, a paraphrase from the song “Give peace a chance”, think about it and “Give Jeff a chance”.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Economy, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family-Based Patterns, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, pattern aware, Politics, Power, Stress, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Management, Media, Money, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Super Achiever, Team Building, The media | No Comments »
Friday, January 8th, 2010
I saw an article in The Citizen-Times.com, Ashville North Carolina that struck a cord with me. Michael Steele, chairman of the Republican National Committee, in promoting his book, referred to Native Americans as “injuns”.
How many times have racial slurs slipped into a talk and ignored? When do we all stop and say “No more!”? Why is there still a propensity to put down groups of people, to make them seem less than?
In my work with cultural sensitivity and diversity, I teach that it comes from a deep, dark place in individuals and in groups. It is a safety device attempting to ward off the threat of “others”. “If they are not like me, they must be a danger to me.”
This kind of thinking lives in the older parts of the social brain and has caused wars and constant disaffection among people.
“Injun”, is no different than “kike”, “spic”, “dago”, “nigger”, or “gook” - it is intended to target a person or group of people, and make them seem unimportant, insignificant. It is a method of making those who use these terms to feel powerful and in control, and makes those who once felt like victims become victimizers. This is sadly, a common psychological mechanism that needs much more exploration, not just in personal matters, of physical or sexual abuse, but also in cultural abuse.
In her article, B. Lynne Harlan, a member of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians, raises the vital question: “When are we going to hold our leaders to a higher standard”?
This is a key discussion point for all programs: Be they MBA’s, leadership development, executive education, conflict resolution, team building, corporate governance, and the like.
It is time for all of us to look at the crusted, corroded arrogance and dissention that lives in our personal psyches and begin to clean up the inner pollution that causes as much damage as the toxins caused by machines in our external environment.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Economy, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family-Based Patterns, Health, History, Leaders, Leadership, Media, neuropsychology, Neuroscience, Patterns, Power, Relationships, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Health, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, The media | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
Tiger Woods’ stories are touching almost every aspect of life in organizations today. Does he owe anything to the golfing community where he is seen as a CEO of sorts? Does he owe anything to his previously adoring public? Of course he owes much to his family, not just wife and children. What about his mother, and mother-in-law who fainted, assumingly from the stress, last week?
One area that could possibly shed some light on the issues of today would be to look at the life Tiger had as a youngster and how that has played out in his adult work-life. This is simply another perspective to consider. Having worked as a family therapist for years, I know first hand that what goes on in someone’s, anyone’s home is multilayered and complex and cannot be analyzed into two simple categories of good Tiger, and bad Tiger.
Maybe this could be a “wake up call” to parents who are uni-focused on the success of their children, perhaps at the cost of their emotional development. The same can be said for many other sports and media stars that were put into little boxes and became objects to be packaged for the world to adore.
Andre Agassi talks about the tennis court as a prison. Judy Garland never recouped from being a child star without the opportunity to be a child. Macaulay Culkin, Lindsay Lohan, and of course, Michael Jackson.
This is not about pointing fingers of blame; it is about redirecting our priorities. How many parents suggest that their youngsters, especially those with a wee bit of talent, focus on that strength at the expense of becoming a whole person?
All leadership development programs need to address this insanity of what success really means. Think about it – with all his homes, yacht, fame and money, what does Tiger have in terms of contentment and joy? Was he running after sex or something deeper and more illusive that is still haunting him from his childhood? Let me know what you think.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Emotions, Ethics, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Health, History, Leaders, leadership programs, Media, Money, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Ethics, Fear, Health, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Media, Money, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Monday, December 14th, 2009
In today’s Managing Leadership blog, there are some fascinating thoughts about how everything is connected; who we are, what we do and which elements – physical or psychic – drive our behavior.
These are important concepts that too often are left in the dirt of the road as executive leadership programs zero in on strategies and financials. Once we begin to ask the questions of what connects us, regardless of the type of business we run, the place in the world we live, the secondary customs and traditions we follow, then we can make great progress in looking at the baseline of what work means and why we work.
What we do know is that work is one if the most socially acceptable and constructive ways for people to spend the major portion of the day. Is it merely to pay the mortgage or find ways to fund weekend pleasures?
From observation of employee behavior, along with psychological and sociological research, one human universal becomes clear. Humans do not thrive on mindless and consistent pleasure, which gets boring. What humans thrive on is challenge.
Think about the most successful reality shows. They are about winning the amazing race, creating great recipes, losing tons of weight. In every program, we cheer for those who can overcome obstacles and learn to live a more rewarding life.
It is the same at work. When you hear co-workers engaged and enthused with their day-at-the-office, it is because they have met a challenge, found a creative solution, learned something new about themselves.
All leadership development programs need to include a module on defining and discussing human universals. Since there is ample evidence that individuals, regardless of business title and position, all seek meaningful activities and relationships, then let’s spend time making activities and relationships at work match our basic human needs and desires.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Boss, Business, Coaching, Consulting, Economy, Education, Emotions, Executive Teams, Leaders, leadership programs, Power, Relationships, Stress, Team Building
Posted in Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Management, Team Building, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Monday, December 14th, 2009
This end of the first decade of Century 21 is a time of searching more deeply for leadership skills that go beyond simple cookbook “become a great leader in one minute” solutions.
General Electric Chairman and CEO, Jeff Immelt, offered some great suggestions in his speech at the West Point Distinguished Leader Series. What struck me was his comment that we “must become systems thinkers who are comfortable with ambiguity”. You can read the entire speech at the GE web site.
I find it refreshing that someone in Immelt’s position is underlining the ideas that systems’ thinking is critical at this juncture of history. I believe it is a vital aspect of understanding the essence of leadership and problem solving.
However, we spend little time learning to think in a systemic way. In my book, “Don’t Bring It to Work”, there is a plea to move to systems’ thinking that I know would make a difference in how we relate to each other, to work challenges, and to the environment. So here is an excerpt from the book that I hope will stimulate thought about leadership, relationship, and connecting the dots of life.
A system is a collection of parts integrated to accomplish an overall process. The key word here is “integrated”: systems are interactive; everything depends on everything else. For example, the way doctors and nurses behave in a hospital emergency room is a system. If the experienced head nurse calls in sick, all of a sudden there is a shift in how everyone works together, there is a systemic change. Add a patient who causes an uproar and again there will be a change in how everyone works together and how the patients are treated.
Systems are found among work groups, families and even in our own biology. Chinese medicine is based on how all areas of the body work together and a cough, itching and poor sleep habits may well be part of the same illness. Even large networks of friends on web sites such as Facebook constitute a system.
If systems are at the core of how we live, then how come books about workplace issues seldom talk about them? The answer is that business is still largely shaped by analytic thinking, an intellectual orientation marked by a tendency to understand living things not by looking at the organic wholes that they are, but by separating them into their component parts. Most business leaders aren’t trained to think systemically, but rather in dichotomies; when problems occur, we sort and judge, sort and judge.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. After centuries of slumber, the older systems-oriented mode of thinking may well be making a comeback. It is what leadership education programs need now more than ever to help us solve the complex, ambiguous issues of this era. Thanks to Jeff Immelt, perhaps we can begin more rigorous dialogues about how we are all connected and the fact that no one wins unless we all do.
Tags: Dialogue, Executive Teams, GE, Integrated systems, Jeff Immelt, Leadership, Power, Team Building, Work challenges, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Consulting, Diversity, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
Why do we care what happened to Tiger Woods and his car accident? Do we care if the same thing had happened to a next door neighbor? What is the reason we salivate and wait for the next bit of news about celebrities and their private lives?
Maybe we are just getting ready to accept the fact that it is an illusion to want to separate who we are at home from who we are at work from who we are in the media from who we are at a party from who we are at the gym from who we are……get the point?
I believe we are finally looking for a deeper meaning of what it means to be a human being. We want authenticity. Not just for others, for ourselves. The search is long and hard and there are few sign posts along the way to help us.
So we look to those who we see as leaders, as successful, as models for what we want to become and where we want to go. Tiger Woods is only one example of an individual who has trained long and hard, become a success hitting a little white ball into a little round hole on beautiful greens around the world. He has made a fortune as an example of equanimity and grace on and off the golf course.
So now what? We want to know why he was leaving his house at 2:20 AM after Thanksgiving. We want to know why his car was shattered and windows broken. We want to know if he is really having an affair. Is it just so we can gossip and point fingers at yet another famous person who has possibly made a mess out of his life?
I believe we are searching for what is real and what really matters. In this time of accelerated speed when change happens in a fast and furious manner we are looking for touch stones. We are looking for leaders who we can follow and tell our kids, “Behave like this and you will find success and happiness”. Maybe we need to look more deeply and ask deeper questions.
This is a time of radical transparency. It is a time when actions and words are being measured to see if they are aligned. It is a time when integrity means what we think, say, and do, match. It is a time when leaders are being asked to step up to the plate and become the shining examples for future generations to watch and follow.
Do we want perfection? I think not. I do believe what we want and need from leadership development programs, from leaders around the world is to learn from them, to learn from mistakes, to learn about truth and decency, to learn about right actions.
Every day there is another individual who has made a fortune, won a tournament or an Oscar, who has fallen from grace. Maybe we are looking in all the wrong places for what it means to lead, for what it means to become a role model, for what it means to make a difference.
Maybe all the media frenzy would go away if we really began to look at the crazy split we have created showing a different face in public from who we are in private. Maybe if we begin to heal the divide, lessen the compartmentalization, we can all become healthier, more whole human beings.
It begins when we face the illusion that we should be different at home than we are at work. In the Total Leadership Connections program our company has developed, the hardest part is looking at the behavior patterns learned as children and how we need to transform what protected us as kids and change these patterns to their healthy opposites that will serve us better as adults.
Perhaps all of us, celebrities, politicians, teachers, CEO’s and everyone else would benefit from learning how to be examples of integrity in all aspects of our lives. No, not to become models of perfection, that is impossible; yet to strive for truth and authenticity, that is doable. Then maybe, just maybe, we will stop the media frenzy, stop looking at other fallible humans and want to become like them because they can hit a ball, make a touchdown, or win an election. It’s about you, it’s about me, and it’s about time!
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Communication, Emotions, Ethics, Family-Based Patterns, Leaders, leadership programs, pattern aware, Power, Team Building
Posted in Accountability, Communication, Conflict, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, PatternAware, Patterns, Transformation | No Comments »
Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
Yesterday I offered free, signed copies of my book “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” to the first three people who had a life changing story and a sentence that underlined what had happened.
It will be an honor to post them on my blog. In our “Total Leadership Connections” program I have had the privilege of hearing many life changing stories. The second of the program’s four sessions is dedicated to Sankofa mapping. This is a time when business executives, high potential employees, leaders from both the profit and non profit sectors come together and learn about the patterns passed from generation to generation that helped form their inner core. The stories are all of our stories filled with courage, laughter, fear, betrayal, dissention, and transformation. Truth, we know, trumps fiction every time.
Sankofa, a word from Ghana means, “Clear the past to free the present”. When we do this we are able to be better leaders, better stewards of those who are in our employ.
Our stories are needed now, more than ever before. We are all going through a revision of who we are and what really matters. We are being more finely tuned to participate in a world that is being redefined by technology, earth changes, and global connectedness.
If we all begin to tell our life changing stories perhaps we can have an impact on the media. Hollywood, in particular, is losing the war on clichés. They are so intent on financial success there is a need to stay with stories from the past that have worked. They tell only those that are predictable. Most of us can predict the ending before the first third of the film is over.
What our overfed and undernourished culture is wanting are some new insights, some originality of thought that will make us see ourselves and the struggles of the times differently.
Let your story be told. It will help you redesign your thinking and help all those with whom you work and those you love.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Economy, Education, Ethics, Executive Teams, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, History, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Media, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, programs, Sankofa, Stress, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Fear, Health, History, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Reflections, Team Building, The media, Transformation, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Senator Ted Kennedy is an example of a life well lived. Filled with bumps and valleys he is an example of courage and determination. A perfect life? Hardly. A complex life? Yes. A respected life? Often.
What can we learn from a life well lived? First, there are always “mosquitoes in paradise”. The Kennedy’s were the Camelot family. Wealthy, handsome, privileged. Yet, there were relationship difficulties, health issues, accidents, hurts, and disappointments.
Next, is how the traumas and discomforts were handled. Earlier in his life Ted ran from an accident where a female companion in the car died. At the time it tarnished his reputation and seemed to end the possibilities of a life in public service.
Then there was the plane crash that caused him physical pain for the rest of his life. And for a devout Catholic, there was divorce from his wife Joan. Think about how you might respond to daily public scrutiny. Think about how you would take each setback and make something positive come from it.
Ted was an example of leadership in action. His life was truly a leadership development course. He ended his career as an esteemed Senator who was able to connect people with each other and with ideas of merit. He was an impassioned champion of right choice and good deeds.
Think about how you can learn from his life as a leader, someone who mastered the art of conflict resolution, high level communication skills, and mostly, how to be a good man, an example of a life well lived.
Tags: Accountability, Business, Communication, Conflict, Death, Economy, Education, Ethics, family patterns, Health, History, Leaders, leadership programs, Media, Patterns, Politics, Power, programs, Senator Ted Kennedy, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Economy, Education, Ethics, Fear, Health, History, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Patterns, Politics, Power, Transformation | No Comments »
Monday, August 10th, 2009
I’ve been watching the ruckus that the health care town halls have been creating; lots of yelling, disrespect, and wasted time. I keep wondering why it is so hard to develop a forum where people can disagree and look past the upsets and anger-
a) Knowing they will be heard.
b) That even better solutions can come out of the dialogue.
As I thought about this it was like a two-by-four whack on the side of the head. Most of us never learned to really talk things out as children. We were told, first by parents, then by teachers, and eventually by our managers the way things are meant to be. We were taught to shut up and suck it up!
So maybe the “stuff” happening at the town halls, the fear of lost heath care insurance, the thought that if we get sick when we are old we will have a pillow put over our faces and be snuffed out, that those lazy and not working will take our doctors and our medicine. Wow, it does make one want to yell and scream.
What is needed now? We all need lessons in listening and asking; lessons in how to tell the truth without blaming, judging, attacking, or ignoring. I believe the time has come to grow past winners and loser sound bites. I believe we need to start with teaching parents how to dialogue with their kids starting from the time they enter the “terrible two’s” through the “terrible teens”.
Schools are preparing youngsters for the bigger world. That includes teaching how to listen and respond, to have difficult conversations. Kids need to learn to go beyond rote responses to multiple choice questions.
At work employees need to learn to talk truth to power without the fear that it will cost them their jobs. Talking truth to power requires disciple. It means thinking about what needs to be said. It means being relevant. Telling the truth is not spilling your guts. It means making sure you have considered the right time and place for workplace conflict resolution to occur.
All executive leadership training programs should include modules for discussing how to create a safe environment for truth to be spoken to power. It is about you, it is about me, and it is about time!
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Executive Teams, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, programs, Stress, Team Building, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Team Building, Transformation, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
