Posts Tagged ‘Leadership’

Gabby Gifford: Leadership in Action

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Watching this amazing woman return to Congress during these contentious and dreary days of haggling sent a beam of light through the room where the polarization seems to never end.

Her blond hair is darkened and cut short; she is extremely thin and with minimal make-up, yet, beautiful in her simplicity. She is a walking miracle.

I can only wonder what her presence means to those she has worked with. I watched the replay of her waving and nodding and for a few moments attempted to walk in her shoes. I began to wonder if I would be capable of the tedious climb she has maneuvered and continues since that gruesome day in Tucson so many months ago.

Gifford is a model of tenacity. Nancy Pelosi pointed to the recuperating lady and said she is a model for our daughters. I concur. Yet, there are others. We sadly still seem to put the celebrity of those who make noise for no reason front and center. The Snookies and Gosselins of reality television are there. How many mothers can point to the meaningless characters on the reality shows and then point to our daughters and say “not on my watch?”

We need to keep people of courage and dignity front and center as models for our young. Who would you put there with Congresswoman Gifford?

Leadership Tips: Do Nothing by Doing Something

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

This is a real post by a real human being who is able to tell the truth and look at himself honestly, warts and all. We need more leaders like Steve Tobak writing about what really matters. Enjoy and I hope you find time to do the getting past burnout exercise I share at the end of his article.

 

How to Achieve More by Doing Less

By Steve Tobak, Contributor for BNET

It’s summer, the skies are blue, the birds are chirping, the bees are  buzzing, it’s absolutely beautiful, at least in this part of the world.  So what’s wrong with this picture? I’m miserable, that’s what wrong.

What’s my beef? Well, about three months ago I was sitting on the  couch, typing away, so engrossed in my writing that I didn’t realize the sun had gone down. It was pitch black. So I stood up – computer in hand- and headed toward a light switch.

That’s when it happened. My left foot hit something big and heavy and I went sprawling. It was an awkward fall because I didn’t want the PC to hit the floor and, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew the heavy object on the floor was a snoozing boxer and I didn’t want to fall on him, either.

Anyway, my foot bent in a way it wasn’t supposed to and I knew instantly that something bad had happened. Fortunately, the dog was fine. So was the computer. My foot, on the other hand, had a torn tendon. Long story short, it’s a really, really long healing process.

Not only that, but after a month, when I got the green light to walk again without the big black boot with all the Velcro straps, I reinjured the foot doing something I shouldn’t have been doing. And a month later, I did it again.

Now I’m getting ready to ditch the boot for the third time and I swear this has got to be the last time. Still, I’m miserable for a few reasons:

  • I feel like a moron, not just for injuring myself in such a dumb way, but because I did it again and again because I’m too impatient to just relax and heal.
  • I’m missing a whole season of chores that need to get done. It’s not like anyone else is going to do them, so they’re all just piling up, waiting for me to get better.
  • I’m compulsive, neurotic, with maybe a touch of ADD, and the only thing that keeps me sane is running or some equally exhausting form of exercise, which I haven’t done in months. So technically, I’m pretty nuts right now.

And you know what’s even worse than all that? I’m writing this because I feel sorry for myself. Not that I want sympathy. I’m sort of past that, and I think my wife is, too. Now, when I complain, she just rolls her eyes. She probably thinks I’m an idiot just like I do.

So I tell myself this is therapy when, in reality, I’m just giving into the whiny child that lives inside me and can’t wait to get out and tell embarrassing stories about me to complete strangers who actually have better things to do with their precious time.

But hey, now that it’s over and done and none of us will ever get this time back again, maybe I can put this in perspective so we can actually get something useful out of it. Here are 3 lessons I Learned From 3 Miserable Months:

  1. Every animal knows that, to survive, it’s sometimes best to do nothing. It’s the same for people. So contemplate, meditate, hibernate, vegetate, whatever -ate you’re into, do that. And keep doing it until you’re healthy and it’s safe to get out and about again.
  2. We always say don’t sweat the small stuff and health and family are the only things that matter. That’s true. But what’s also true is that really driven people -
    including many of you and me too – never seem to let up or cut ourselves some slack. That only makes things worse. Learn to forgive yourself.
  3. It’s okay to let the whiny child out from time to time, provided he’s not too out of control, agrees to get back inside your head after a
    while, and doesn’t act out on your boss or your spouse. Speaking of which, I’m relatively sure my wife is plotting to kill me in my sleep.
    Can you blame her?

So I guess the bottom line is that, by letting go, giving in, and occasionally doing nothing, you can actually get back on your feet quicker and, ultimately, achieve more. Who knew?

 

My Comment to the above article: 

Great story Steve. You have a way of hitting that proverbial nail smack on the head. I have found that the best way to avoid burnout is to roam, yup roam. That’s a combination of “do nothing” and “do something”. It goes like this: get in the car and at each street say to your self “left or right” and just make that turn. Do this for, oh maybe half hour and wherever you end up find a place to have a cup of coffee or some ice cream, or just sit and look around. It’s a fun way to clear your mind.

And about the whiny kid inside: my hypothesis in “Don’t Bring It to Work” is that when stress hits the hot button we all revert to patterns from childhood that were there to get us through the day. We all have a variation of your whiny kid inside and accepting that is vital for good emotional health.
Thanks for your honesty and good humor.

Apples, Apple Trees and Leadership

Monday, July 25th, 2011

 

The scandals that are impacting our planet have vast ramifications and now is the time to dig deeply into the cave of the unconscious, illuminating some of the darker, dusty corners where the patterns of power handed through the generations sit and if not brought to consciousness are simply repeated and repeated. This is a good article and the beginning of a dialogue. I responded and I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Responsibility + leadership = anything but funny.

By Steven Adubato

Responsibility is a funny thing. So is leadership. When the two come together, it can be anything but funny.

Consider the case of Rupert Murdoch and his son James who lead the massive media empire known as News Corp. They testified Tuesday before Parliament regarding an increasingly embarrassing scandal involving revelations of cell phone hacking of over 4,000 people — from stars to  crime victims and their families — for inside information.

 

Further, there are allegations that News Corp. journalists had paid  police for confidential information for the now-defunct News of the  World tabloid in England, which has led to the resignations of London’s  police commissioner as well as Scotland Yard’s assistant commissioner.

As scandals go, this is one of the ugliest and potentially most  devastating an organization can face. Rupert Murdoch has been a master  visionary and leader in the evolution of News Corp. The organization  makes tons of money, and many of its brands are at the top of the media  food chain.

Clearly, Murdoch and his son were advised by lawyers and communication experts on what to say and what not to say.

The basic message communicated was that their organization is so big  and that News of the World represented a tiny percentage of the overall  corporate pie that neither could be expected to know, much less be  responsible for, the actions of some rogue employees.

When Murdoch was asked if he was in any way responsible for this  mess, he said he was “shocked” to learn of it and that while it was the ”most humble day of my life” he argued that ultimately the
responsibility should land on some unnamed employees who “behaved  disgracefully and betrayed the company and me. And it’s for them to  pay.” Then he said perhaps he lost sight of the News of the World  “because it was so small in the general frame of our company.” Rupert  Murdoch said he would not accept “ultimate responsibility” for what had  happened and neither would his son James.

When it comes to leadership, whether a CEO knows about something or  not, he or she is ultimately responsible for the actions of every  employee in the organization. If a leader doesn’t know that those  employees are involved in unethical and potentially illegal activities,  it doesn’t necessarily make the CEO legally or criminally liable, but  they are no doubt responsible for putting the person in the position of  responsibility and/or not monitoring the situation more closely. They  are responsible to communicate effectively by asking the right questions
and demanding the right answers.

Further, if a leader does know that those working for him or her are  engaged in destructive activities and does nothing to stop it or  attempts to cover it up, it’s even worse. Two words — Richard Nixon.  What so many leaders refuse to understand is whether you do something  wrong or not, you are responsible and, yes, accountable.

Leaders often confuse the words “blame” or “guilt” with more  appropriate words like “responsibility” and “accountability.” Forget  about who is to blame. I understand legal advice intended to minimize  your potential liability in court. But what lawyers don’t understand is  that their clients can refuse to accept responsibility, but it still  won’t stop the lawsuits. They are going to happen anyway. Yet, by  refusing to accept responsibility, a leader is seriously damaged — and  so, in turn, is the organization’s public reputation and brand.

How leaders communicate can make or break them and their  organizations. So when a leader says he isn’t “responsible” for what  happens in his organization, nothing good happens.

Credit and praise are supposed to be pushed down, while  responsibility gets pushed up. When that equation gets reversed, chaos  and confusion are bound to occur.

Steve Adubato speaks and coaches on leadership and communication  and is the author of “Make the Connection” and his new book, “You are the Brand.” Visit his website at stand-deliver.com or e-mail him at sadubato@aol.com.

It’s Too Darn Hot to Work or…. Adapting!

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

lodge

I’ve been watching the heat index rise in the Midwest and now the eastern part of the country. I must admit, I’m in the perfect summer weather in Sonoma, California. Not too hot, not too cold, as baby bear would say, just right.

 

Yet, I have been in the swelter of summer plenty and am actually going back to The Country Place on Tuesday for another session of our “Total Leadership Connections” program starting Wednesday evening.

 

I’ve been thinking about the extremes in our weather; super-hot now and super- cold in the winter. It really does seem worse than I can remember and that seems to be what everyone is saying “Never this hot, before; never saw storms like this before; never felt wind like this before.”

 

If we are in the throes of big changes what do we do? I hear so much complaining and little creativity in finding new solutions. I hear worries about what happens if we have brown outs; what happens if we run out of water; how will we survive?

 

In our “Total Leadership Connections” program we use film clips about a group of folks who watch a giant destroy the land. What you see as they run to find safety is the natural tendency to complain and blame.  There is little accountability and even less adaptability.

 

What we know about species survival is that the ones that stay around the longest learned to adapt to their changing environments. Just ask a dinosaur if you can find one.

 

So, as the heat wave continues think about cold clothes around your neck or sipping water without ice (actually better for you). Think about how to keep tempers in check because stress gets us hotter than hot. Think about spending a few minutes visualizing cool colors like blue and green.

 

See how many creative ideas you can come up with to beat the heat and still get your work done. Let me know. Anyone with a super idea gets a “cool” gift from me.

Leadership and Faeries

Friday, July 15th, 2011

Superfood FaeriesWhen my daughters were little kids I did what moms do, I thought about what they would be when they grew up. Oh I envisioned all sorts of careers and family configurations. And then, like a smart mother, I decided their fates were best left to them.

 

My younger daughter Julie played with dolls from the minute she could hold one. She took our cat and dressed it in a diaper and pink cap, she drew pictures of happy families going on vacations, she loved being a girly girl.

 
Her older sister Mikayla was the artist who painted and wrote and sculpted and created vision after vision of new planets with other worldly characters.

 

There is something to this nature part along with nurture that is fascinating to watch. Julie is a great mom of two; a beautiful daughter and son. She closed her business, deciding to be a full time mom till both youngsters are launched in their school careers, and then she will see.

 

Mikayla has other ideas. She has been on a healing journey from a misdiagnosed case of Lyme’s Disease and it has led her to become an advocate of planetary sustainability. She used her talents in the arts and her new found knowledge of how we can sustain health through eating green. Her new website, superfoodfaeiries.com is so Mikayla, simple yet complex, pure yet elegant.
(Do I sound like a mom or what?).

 

That searcher for new lands is in her DNA. In her journey to find the best solution for chronic health problems that came out of lots of camping and a misdiagnosis she has become a voice in the movement to, in her words “be-green and be-live”.

 
I see in my grown daughters the seeds of who they would become in the way they picked toys and preferences when they were, well as tiny as faeries.

Leadership by Indirection

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Sometimes we can learn by sorting through the lives we see in film. Today, with all the sadness around bullying in schools (and summer camp) it may be a great time to pull out the film “Grease” and watch it with the kids to start a conversation about how to be with each other differently than in a bullying/victim way. I’d love to hear about other films you think may be helpful for families to watch together.

Why a Parent’s Empathy Is Vital for a Bullied Girl — and Why It Often Goes Out the Window” by Rachel Simmons contributor – Huffington Post

When I did the original research for Odd Girl Out, I asked every bullied girl I interviewed to tell me what she needed most from her family. The answer truly surprised me. It wasn’t having the best solutions, calling the school or trying to act like everything was okay.

It was empathy.

Before you say, yeah, yeah, I figured that, hear me out. Now that I’ve been working with parents for a decade, I have seen up close how easy it is for empathy to go out the window. There are two reasons why parents struggle: First, when the alarm bells go off, we want to put out the fire. We assume — understandably — that we can make a child feel better by making her problem go away. Parents are habituated to this from the moment of a child’s birth: feed when they’re hungry, sleep when they’re tired, hold when they cry. We bypass empathy and go straight to the problem solving.

Click here to read the full Huffington Post article.

My Comment:

Bullying or being bullied is a complex relationsh­ip issue that includes both empathy, as the writer suggests, as well as some self delving on the part of the parents, school, or community.

In my book “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” I suggest that behavior patterns (persecuto­r/bully, victim, rescuer, pleaser, martyr, avoider, etc.) come from the triad of family, culture, and crises.

Rather than point fingers at the “bad” one and protect the “victim” we need to create an avenue where there is dialogue that can happen at home that will lead to empowering those who are in this difficult play. A major part is for parents to look back at how they handled the tugs and pull of growing up and if they were the persecutor­/victim/re­scuer. Often just talking about this will help the youngster find new language and motivation to do things differentl­y. Isn’t that what we are all looking for? Better ways to communicat­e and be part of a caring culture?

Our kids can stand on our shoulders if we help them look through the larger lens of a broader system. I suggest that watching “Grease” together and talking about it could be a great way to open the dialogue. Sandy and Rizzo both had to learn to handle the slings and arrows of life in a better way. This helps start the discussion by indirectio­n and has helped many families.

Sylvia Lafair president Creative Energy Options (CEO Inc.)

GUTSY GIRL to GUTSY WOMAN

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
GUTSY Woman

Pauline "Gutsy Gal"

We are thrilled with the continuing changes that have started since we launched the GUTSY Women Weekend Retreat in May.

 

Not knowing what to expect a nurse from Philadelphia entered The Country Place Retreat and Conference Center filled with anticipation yet, no real expectations. She just knew that the name of the program had a punch she couldn’t resist.

Then the weekend started. We went way back; way, way back to when our ancestors were the hunters and gatherers. Hey did you know that females have a greater ability to see the color red than men do? Want to know why? It’s because as gatherers women had to find the ripest berries to bring to the table.

Not to be left outside the color wheel, men see the color blue better. Why? The thinking is because as the hunters they were always happy when the sky was blue or they were on the lookout for a stream of water, clear water that would have a blue tint to it.

 

Then we moved to present time where we saw how most little girls learned what it means to “play nicely and behave”.  The pleaser pattern showed its head early on for females who mostly wanted to be popular.

 
Pauline, our nurse without expectations, began her own personal journey to get in touch with the GUTSY GIRL that had been dormant for years. She was able to see how family, culture, and crises formed her behavior patterns and quickly, in the blink of an eye as they say, she got in touch with the child who was spunky, curious, and well……GUTSY.

 
She recently sent us a picture of little Pauline with a smiling grown up Pauline and a thank you note for the fun time she had connecting the two parts of herself.

 
And that’s what GUTSY is about, giving ourselves the option to explore ourselves as leaders and really get into the groove, cause girls just want to have fun!

 
Join us for the next GUTSY WEEK END August 5-7 at The Country Place. And you men out there….give your gal a treat and surprise her with this week end. Promise, you will get the benefits for ever and ever and ever!

Inner Freedom

Friday, July 1st, 2011

SellingWhen we had a facilitators meeting to talk about our  “product” that powerful program now in its tenth year, Total Leadership Connections, we looked at the core of what we are “selling” from many vantage points.

Getting to essence, like Estee Lauder doesn’t really just sell perfume and make-up, they sell sensuality. Nike, not just sneakers, they sell performance. Porsche is more than a car, it is success.

Okay, so what happens when someone completes TLC? What do they get? For starts they get a good dose of leadership possibilities. They have a chance to discuss what this amorphous concept means in great detail and to look at many of the great leaders who have made impact around the world.

Then there is the time spent looking at themselves, how they, as individuals grew into who they are today. Then they learn to really think about the complexities of being part of a system, something rarely taught in this culture of rugged individualism. finally in session four it is about putting it all together to take a next step to manifests a deep and important desire; a new look at what is truly wanted and needed for real success.

Fast forward months or even years and the feedback we get is consistent and often amazing. What the longest standing aspects of TLC, the aspects of this program that take everyone through the better and the bitter times is FREEDOM.

Over and over people tell us they have been able to navigate rough seas without losing their strength of conviction. Over and over we are told that what used to “push their buttons” is stale and old and they can stand steady and stay calm when others are coming apart at the seams. Over and over there are stories of going into the woods where confusion reigns and coming out more capable and comfortable with themselves.

So during this long week- end to rest, relax, recuperate, ruminate, take this time to celebrate the powerful outer freedom we take as our birthright, and think about what inner freedom means to you.

Leadership and Measuring Satisfaction

Monday, June 6th, 2011

HappinessTake a few minutes, maybe even a whole hour out of your week and think, really think about life satisfaction. That’s right life satisfaction. Think about it now, not when you are ready to make your “bucket list” and your time is running short.

Part of leadership development really should be about what matters underneath the typical definitions of worth and happiness we have been led to believe are the apex of life. Take time, go beyond what we have been trained to think ; stuff like getting the best grades matters so we can get into the prestigious schools so we can then have the big salaries, awards, promotions, bonuses, cars, homes, and on and on.

A new study by the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development Better Life Index wanted to determine the happiest countries in the world. Guess who did not make the list????

The measurement was based on housing, income, jobs, community, education, the environment, health, work-life balance, and life satisfaction. Now, do your own survey of your own life and see where you rate on the list. Where do you shine and where do you fall by the wayside. Good thing to do, measure your own personal happiness quotient to see what you need to do differently as you move forward.

In our Total Leadership Connections program (our next four session program starts August 3- 5th, 2011) we take this very seriously. We do not want to foster the super achiever syndrome where there may be lots of the trappings of success and no real substance underneath.

Let’s get back to the index of happy countries. Five of the countries are Scandinavian, including Finland, Denmark, Sweden, the Netherlands, Norway, along with Switzerland, Australia, Canada, Austria, and Israel. The happiest countries are places where there is a good balance of work
and leisure time.

One theme that seemed to go across the board was creating as sense of community. These countries have less diversity than many others and there is a sense of connectedness and understanding of each other’s values and ways of relating. The other vital aspect has to do with work-life balance and a deep respect for seeing children as the future of their countries.

Thus, the basics of respect, caring and appreciation really do make us happy!  

Pay It Forward Leadership

Thursday, May 26th, 2011

Everyone loves to be in the presence of charismatic people. They are lots of fun and there is always a hope that the magic they have will rub off just by being with them. Yet, underneath the charm is often a bloated ego that leaves little room for others to grow and lead. The following article is food for thought so please respond to my answer. Do you or did you have a boss who gets “antsy” if you or anyone else wants to steal the spotlight? I’d love to use your answers for a new book (not yet titled) about the downside of working with super stars.

Is Your Ego Getting in the Way of Your Business? By John Warrillow writer and contributor to BNet.

It feels good to solve customers’ problems. They shower you with praise, and you get the satisfaction of feeling needed.The ego boost can be addictive — I know it was for me.

The problem is, the more your customers need you and ask for you personally, the harder it is to grow your business, and — in the long run — the less valuable your company will be.

In my consulting business, I found myself in the role of fixing clients’ problems personally. It felt good at the time, and it certainly paid well, but I soon realized I wasn’t building anything of long-term value.

I had to get out of the business of solving individual customers’ problems, but I found it hard to train others in what had taken me years to learn.

Intellectually, I knew I needed to document my experiences and coach others, but a little part of me still liked the ego boost of being someone’s savior — even if only for a minute or two.

If you’re having trouble growing your business, take a long, hard look in the mirror because your desire to feel needed may be what’s holding you back.

To read the full article, click here.