Posts Tagged ‘Huffington Post’

Leadership Challenges for the New Year

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

What can we do to help each other face the challenges of an economic climate that changes with the weather?

There are no safe havens. Sears has been around forever and is closing stores. Old brands are dying, yet new ones will always come along to replace them.

 

What do we want from our leaders to help us with the tides of change?

The following article gives food for thought. So does my response. Enjoy.

What does leadership look like?

Glenn Llopis

Bringing the immigrant perspective to business leaders

Leadership Contrast: Men and Power

Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

 

Lots of deaths of powerful men in the past year. Many have been dictators who had tons of money and little integrity.

 

 

 

Think about these 3 questions:

  1. Ever wonder why we permit these men to “rule” us?
  2. Ever wonder why millions will stay quiet and let those who have found the path to brute power to keep it?
  3. Ever think about how we can make a better difference and make a better world?

Vaclav Havel was an actor, a playwright, an artist. Maybe there is a clue there. The arts are a way to the heart. Even the word eARTh gives us a clue. Expressing oneself through music, movement, painting, poetry, theater touches the deep core of who we are. Maybe, just maybe, we should be finding leaders who have a different kind of power to lead us. Havel had that mysterious and important blend. What about you?

Havel: Hero Of Our Time

Click above to read the article by Barry Wood, Economics Journalist at HuffPost World.

Leadership, Liars and Pants on Fire

Monday, September 12th, 2011

Liar liarYears ago there was a television program called “To Tell the Truth” where the goal was to tell if someone was lying. It was amazing to see how many times the “liar” was seen as the truth teller. The following article gives some good insights yet misses an important point about the systemic aspect of lying. What that means is that lying, unless one is a sociopath, has to do with context and context
has to do with the fear of survival. Are any lies acceptable? I’d love to hear your responses.

Liar, Liar: What personality types lie the most?

by: Bella DePaulo on the Huffington Post

 

Who lies? My best guess is that everyone does. That’s what my  research, and other work, too, suggests. For example, in one of the sets of studies that my colleagues and I conducted, two groups of people — 77 college students and 70 people from the community — kept diaries every day for a week of all of the lies that they told and all of their social interactions lasting at least 10 minutes. The college students lied in one out of about every three of their social interactions, and the people from the community lied in one out of every five interactions.

Over the course of the week, only 1 percent of the college students and 9 percent of the people from the community claimed to have told no lies at all. (Yes, my first thought was — they are lying about not lying.)

Even though my best guess is that everyone lies, it is clear that some people tell lies much more readily than others. In my diary studies, for instance, the lie-telling “champ” told 46 lies over the course of the week, or close to seven lies a day. Who are these people who tell lies much more frequently than the rest of us? I’ll set aside the clinically diagnosable in this post, and just consider everyday liars. Do they share certain personality characteristics? Are there sex differences? Does age matter? Is the tendency to tell lots of lies linked to the quality of your relationships?

The Personality of a Liar

In the diary studies, all participants filled out a number of personality measures. We used that information to see if certain kinds of personality types are especially likely to tell lots of lies.

When I posed the question, “who lies?” did a stereotype pop into your mind? Did you guess that frequent liars are more likely to be manipulative and scheming people than are more honest folks? If you did, surprise! I’m not going to tell you to abandon your preconceived notions about liars. People who are more manipulative (as measured by a Machiavellianism scale and a measure of Social Adroitnes) lie more often than people who are less manipulative.

Manipulative people tend to care about themselves, so you might also think that liars are generally people who do not care about other people. That’s not totally true. Frequent liars can also be people who care too much about other people. What they care about, in particular, is what other people think of them. This personality type describes people who are always worrying about the impression they are making on other people. “Oh, what will she think if I say that?” “Will he think I’m a total loser if I do this?” This is the impression-management personality type, and those people tell lots of lies, too.
Interestingly, these kinds of people know that they lie more than other people do. That’s noteworthy, because like the citizens of Lake Wobegon, the participants in our diary studies believed that on the average, they were above average in honesty.

Guess who else lies more? Extraverts. Here’s where it mattered that we kept track of people’s social interactions and not just their lies. If we only counted lies, then extraverts would have many more opportunities to tell lies than introverts, because they spend more time around other people. Instead, we looked at rates of lying — the number of lies people told relative to the number of opportunities they had to tell lies. Extraverts lied at a higher rate than introverts (though the difference was not big).

Why do extraverts tell more lies than introverts? I think it is because the little lies of everyday life can make social interactions run smoothly. Extraverts are versed in social niceties, and practice them so often that they probably do not even realize how often they are lying. In fact, we found some evidence for that among the college students. At the end of the week, when the extraverts saw the total number of lies they had told, they said that they were surprised at how often they had lied. We don’t really know for sure, though, why extraverts lie more, so feel free to share your insights.

The results for one other personality trait are totally obvious. That trait is responsibility, as measured by a scale by the same name that picks out people who are responsible, honest, ethical, dependable, and reliable. Responsible people were less likely to tell lies than less responsible people — especially the kinds of lies that are self-serving.

Click here to learn about sex differences in lying, the connection between lying and the quality of your relationships, and whether age matters in the tendency to tell lies. If you are interested in more of the details of the diary studies, including the issue of whether the participants may have been lying to us about their lies, you can find the original journal articles in “The Lies We Tell and the Clues We Miss”. A more reader-friendly version is available in “The Hows and Whys of Lies”. Also relevant to deception is this post on the screening of airport passengers by observational techniques.

 

My Comment to Facinating article above.

For me what is super interestin­g is “How do we know when someone is lying”? Think about O.J. Simpson or the recent “tot mom” that captured so much national attention. Lying is a two way
street. Why do we lie to some individual­s while with others we are willing to tell the truth? In our Total Leadership Connection­s  program we have a module called “heart truth” that everyone initially
hears as “hard truth“. It is a practice session to tell a co-worker, boss, or direct report about something that is not working at work. I am always amazed at how hard it is to tell difficult truths. Often people will not lie, they will avoid; lying by omission. Lying also comes in the form of denying there is anything wrong. I call these folks “not sees”! This is a complex issues and is more about the quality of relationsh­ips than just an individual action.

 

Leadership Lessons: Grace and Dignity Never Die

Thursday, August 11th, 2011

FeministThe following is a beautiful article about Gloria Steinem and a tribute to all the women who saw a better way. Think about your capacity to be a visionary and what you are willing to do to make the world a more fulfilling and healthy place.

Gloria Steinem: Looking Back and Moving Forward

By Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, Contributor for Huffington Post

Watching HBO’S fascinating new documentary, Gloria: In Her Own Words, I felt overwhelmed. Not that I did not know Gloria’s story. I did. But as I watched her evolve from a journalist forced to cover patterned pantyhose to an activist demanding equality for women, the simple truth struck me over and over again: my life is better because of Gloria Steinem.

This realization may be a disappointment to Gloria, who makes it clear in the film that she’s not looking for thanks. She even quotes another feminist icon, Susan B. Anthony, who declared, “Our job is not to make young women grateful. It is to make them ungrateful so they keep going.”

And in large part, she succeeded. I and many women of my generation take for granted so many of the opportunities that Gloria and many women of her generation had to demand. Entering the workforce as a journalist in the mid-50s, Gloria describes an environment where “there were no words for sexual harassment. It was just called life.”

The modern women’s liberation movement that Gloria sparked fought for equal rights and fair treatment, reproductive rights and control over our own bodies, and basic respect. She also worked tirelessly to extend that support to others in need, including the gay community and minorities of all kinds from all over the globe. Viewing herself as more persuader than crusader, she launched Ms. Magazine in July 1972 to amplify her voice. It was — and still is — a voice of justice and reason set apart from many other feminists by her preternatural
Midwest calm and disarming sense of humor. One of my favorite things about the documentary is all the footage of Gloria laughing and dancing. For all of the hostility and insults and even cruelty she suffered, she also experienced great success, great friendships, great loves and great joy.

It is that joy which permeates this documentary — a celebration of a woman who is smart and determined and warm and honest and funny and sexy and cool. At 77, Gloria remains all those things as well as modest. At a Q&A after a screening, she insisted, “If I’d been hit by a Mack truck, the woman’s movement would have still happened.” I am not sure that this is right, but it is certainly a gracious and generous thing to say.

So watch the movie, cheer Gloria’s triumphs and then get inspired. Because the fight’s not over and Gloria’s not looking back. “The point is we go forward,” she says. “We’re nowhere near where we need to be.”

That’s true. We still haven’t achieved the goal of real equality for women in the workplace and men in the home. Women continue to need protection not only globally where many women lack basic civil and human rights, but also here where the most dangerous place for an American woman is still shockingly in her home. We’re currently 70th on the list of nations for electing women to our national legislature and in 44 years, we’ve closed the pay gap by only 19 cents. We can — we must — do better.

And how do we move forward? In the documentary, Gloria offers the following advice to young women. “Listen to the voice inside you and follow that,” she says, adding “The primary thing is not that they know who I am, but that they know who they are.”

Let’s take her advice and move forward with the same determination and with a sense of humor as well. And let’s also take a moment — just a moment — to thank her. Because whether Gloria likes it or not, we are extremely grateful.

Gloria: In Her Own Words premieres Monday, August 15th at 9 PM on HBO and is produced by Peter Kunhardt and Sheila Nevins, directed by Peter Kunhardt, editing and graphic design by Phillip Schopper; original music by Michael Bacon. For HBO: supervising producer, Jacqueline Glover. For Kunhardt McGee Productions: executive producer, Dyllan McGee.

Leadership by Indirection

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Sometimes we can learn by sorting through the lives we see in film. Today, with all the sadness around bullying in schools (and summer camp) it may be a great time to pull out the film “Grease” and watch it with the kids to start a conversation about how to be with each other differently than in a bullying/victim way. I’d love to hear about other films you think may be helpful for families to watch together.

Why a Parent’s Empathy Is Vital for a Bullied Girl — and Why It Often Goes Out the Window” by Rachel Simmons contributor – Huffington Post

When I did the original research for Odd Girl Out, I asked every bullied girl I interviewed to tell me what she needed most from her family. The answer truly surprised me. It wasn’t having the best solutions, calling the school or trying to act like everything was okay.

It was empathy.

Before you say, yeah, yeah, I figured that, hear me out. Now that I’ve been working with parents for a decade, I have seen up close how easy it is for empathy to go out the window. There are two reasons why parents struggle: First, when the alarm bells go off, we want to put out the fire. We assume — understandably — that we can make a child feel better by making her problem go away. Parents are habituated to this from the moment of a child’s birth: feed when they’re hungry, sleep when they’re tired, hold when they cry. We bypass empathy and go straight to the problem solving.

Click here to read the full Huffington Post article.

My Comment:

Bullying or being bullied is a complex relationsh­ip issue that includes both empathy, as the writer suggests, as well as some self delving on the part of the parents, school, or community.

In my book “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” I suggest that behavior patterns (persecuto­r/bully, victim, rescuer, pleaser, martyr, avoider, etc.) come from the triad of family, culture, and crises.

Rather than point fingers at the “bad” one and protect the “victim” we need to create an avenue where there is dialogue that can happen at home that will lead to empowering those who are in this difficult play. A major part is for parents to look back at how they handled the tugs and pull of growing up and if they were the persecutor­/victim/re­scuer. Often just talking about this will help the youngster find new language and motivation to do things differentl­y. Isn’t that what we are all looking for? Better ways to communicat­e and be part of a caring culture?

Our kids can stand on our shoulders if we help them look through the larger lens of a broader system. I suggest that watching “Grease” together and talking about it could be a great way to open the dialogue. Sandy and Rizzo both had to learn to handle the slings and arrows of life in a better way. This helps start the discussion by indirectio­n and has helped many families.

Sylvia Lafair president Creative Energy Options (CEO Inc.)

It’s Not the Way We Thought It Would Be

Tuesday, July 12th, 2011

Times are tough and they don’t seem to be getting any easier right now. So, what is wrong? The following is a good article about handling depression and work. However, not many of us are lucky enough to be able to take a year off to mend. What are your techniques to handle depression and keep going? I don’t mean a clinical depression that really sets you down, I mean the depression we all experience when times are tough and fun is short. I’d love to hear from you.

“Is Your Job Making You Depressed?” by Therese Borchard, Contributor – Huffington Post

The other day I wrote a post for Blisstree.com on how to stay productive when you are clinically depressed. I mentioned that, at my rock bottom, I had to take a break altogether from writing, as every time I sat down in front of my computer, all I could do was cry. Moreover, because my concentration was so totally shot, composing a sentence — much less an article — wasn’t going to happen.

I took a year off. To heal.

Because my husband was gainfully employed at that time, I was able to swing it.

Eventually I tiptoed back to the working world. Very slowly. Very carefully. Very deliberately. Because a sudden plunge might have rendered me disabled for another year or so.

Click here to read the full Huffington Post article.

My response to the article:
Thanks for the honesty, that is part of a healing process. In this day and age depression is in the air, in the news, on the tube, it is a cultural commodity.

There is one other aspect that is important to consider. Way back in the family each of us was imbibed with beliefs about what being a grown up would look like. If the reality doesn’t fit the picture we feel betrayed and often guilty. It is these old fears and disappoint­ments that set us into a depression about work.

I believe we are all going through a time of adjustment to what life is like on planet earth right now. Boomers can’t retire and just play, kids out of school with freshly minted degrees can’t get jobs, and the rest of us are working harder and longer than ever before. So, it’s time to recalibrat­e and make internal adjustment­s or the veil of depression will cover each of us.

There are some ways to rethink before depression gets to heavy. My book “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” can help.
Sylvia Lafair, President, Creative Energy Options (CEOinc)

Sarah Palin, Communists, and What it Means to be Exceptional

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

The following article is one to sink our teeth into and really look at what a word really means. We are going to hear tons about “American Exceptionalism” as the campaign heats up. We have an opportunity to question the rhetoric rather than blindly accept the slogans and chants. This is a great one to start with. Hey, if you think you are exceptional, you may want to dig down and really figure out why. In my mind we are all exceptional just by the fact we are here on planet earth. Exceptionalism, and exceptional are ego words that can do more harm than good. Let me know what you think, especially if you exceptionally disagree with me!

USA 3.0 by Harry Shearer, contributor, Huffington Post

LONDON — As I write this I’m flying back to America, specifically New Orleans, to celebrate July 4 by watching fireworks over the Mississippi River. I say that right up here at the top to establish my Yank bonafides. In addition, my parents sought out this country as a refuge (one denied, it should be noted, to many of their equally desperate compatriots), so I’ve never stopped being grateful that, at least for them, for that special moment, the golden door was open.

But we’re three trillion dollars down, the latest reports say, in trying to — to what? Protect ourselves? Export freedom? Make the world safe for our oil interests? It’s hard to know. This America 2.0 would be impossible for the Founders to recognize, even with folks running around with the banner of the Tea Party. After all, the Founders, slave-owners mostly, wouldn’t see themselves in Michele Bachmann’s characterization. Nor would they recognize a country that thinks nation-building in the graveyard of empires is the spunky little republic they established.

Click Here to read the full article.

My Response:
Thanks for suggesting that we look at that ego based word “exception­al” or in this case, “exception­alism”. Interestin­gly enough, that word was first used by members of the American Communist Party in the 1920′s (Let’s pause while Sarah Palin gags!!). What the communists thought set America apart was its abundance of natural resources (yes to that), it’s absence of rigid class distinctio­ns (huh) and the possibilit­y it could avoid the need to use war to keep itself strong (comments anyone).

In my work as an executive coach I come across way too many leaders who are stuck feeling and thinking they are exceptiona­l and sadly what that translates to is “being above an ethical code of conduct”.

We have to thank the conservati­ves on the right and our communist brethren of old for keeping the image of American exceptiona­lism alive. And thanks to Harry for putting the term under a microscope­.

 

How Are You Reading this Summer?

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011
BookThis is an excellent post about our old friends books that seem to be going the wayof the dinosaur. This gives us pause to say are we giving up more than we are getting as we lose the quality of putting books in our hands. It is a good dialogue to have since leaders are required to look at both the short and long turn consequences of actions and reactions.
In the Age of Distraction, We Need One Thing More Than Ever: Books
by Johann Hari
In the twentieth century, all the nightmare-novels of the future  imagined books would be burned. In the twenty-first century, our  dystopias imagine a world where books are forgotten. To pluck just one,  Gary Steynghart’s novel Super Sad True Love Story describes a world where everybody is obsessed with their electronic Apparat — an even more omnivorous iPhone with a flickering stream of shopping and  reality shows and porn — and have somehow come to believe that the few  remaining unread paper books let off a rank smell. The book on the book, it suggests, is closing.
I have been thinking about this because I recently moved flats, which for me meant boxing and heaving several Everests of books, accumulated  obsessively since I was a kid. Ask me to throw away a book, and I begin  shaking like Meryl Streep in Sophie’s Choice and insist that I  just couldn’t bear to part company with it, no matter how unlikely it is I will ever read (say) a 1000-page biography of little-known Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar. As I stacked my books high, and watched my  friends get buried in landslides of novels or avalanches of polemics, it struck me that this scene might be incomprehensible a generation from now. Yes, a few specialists still haul their vinyl collections from house to house, but the rest of us have migrated happily to MP3s, and regard them as slightly odd. Does it matter? What was really lost?
The book — the physical paper book — is being circled by a shoal of sharks, with sales down 9 percent this year alone. It’s being chewed by the e-book. It’s being gored by the death of the bookshop and the library. And most importantly, the mental space it occupied is being eroded by the thousand Weapons of Mass Distraction that surround us all. It’s hard to admit, but we all sense it: it is becoming almost physically harder to read books. I think we should start there — because it shows why we need the physical book to survive, and hints at
what we need to do to make sure it does.
In his gorgeous little book The Lost Art of Reading — Why Books Matter in a Distracted Time, the critic David Ulin admits to a strange feeling. All his life, he had taken reading as for
granted as eating — but then, a few years ago, he “became aware, in an apartment full of books, that I could no longer find within myself the quiet necessary to read.” He would sit down to do it at night, as he always had, and read a few paragraphs, then find his mind was wandering, imploring him to check his email, or Twitter, or Facebook. “What I’m struggling with,” he writes, “is the encroachment of the buzz, the sense that there’s something out there that merits my attention, when in fact it’s mostly a series of disconnected riffs, quick takes and fragments, that add up to the anxiety of the age.”
I think most of us have this sense today, if we are honest. If you read a book with your laptop thrumming at the other side of the room, it can feel like trying to read with a heavy metal band shrieking in front of you. To read, you need to slow down. You need mental silence except for the words. That’s getting harder to find.
No, don’t misunderstand me. I adore the web, and they will have to wrench my Twitter feed from my cold dead hands. This isn’t going to turn into an antedeluvian rant against the glories of our wired world. But there’s a reason why that word — ‘wired’ — means both ‘connected to the internet’ and ‘high, frantic, unable to concentrate.’
So in the age of the internet, physical paper books are a technology we need more, not less. In the 1950s, the novelist Herman Hesse wrote: “The more the need for entertainment and mainstream education can be met by new inventions, the more the book will recover its dignity and authority. We have not yet quite reached the point where young competitors, such as radio, cinema, etc, have taken over the functions from the book it can’t afford to lose.”
We have now reached that point. And here’s the function that the book — the paper book that doesn’t beep or flash or link or let you watch a thousand videos all at once — does for you that nothing else will. It gives you the capacity for deep, linear concentration. As Ulin puts it: “Reading is an act of resistance in a landscape of distraction… It requires us to pace ourselves. It returns us to a reckoning with time. In the midst of a book, we have no choice but to be patient, to take each thing in its moment, to let the narrative prevail. We regain the
world by withdrawing from it just a little, by stepping back from the noise.”
A book has a different relationship to time than a TV show or a Facebook update. It says that something was worth taking from the endless torrent of data and laying down on an object that will still look the same a hundred years from now. The French writer Jean-Phillipe De Tonnac says “the true function of books is to safeguard the things that forgetfulness constantly threatens to destroy.” It’s precisely because it is not immediate — because it doesn’t know what happened five minutes ago in Kazakhstan, or in Charlie Sheen’s apartment — that the book matters.
That’s why we need books, and why I believe they will survive. Because most humans have a desire to engage in deep thought and deep concentration. Those muscles are necessary for deep feeling and deep engagement. Most humans don’t just want mental snacks forever; they also want meals. The twenty hours it takes to read a book require a sustained concentration it’s hard to get anywhere else. Sure, you can do that with a DVD boxset too — but your relationship to TV will always ultimately be that of a passive spectator. With any book, you are the co-creator, imagining it as you go. As Kurt Vonnegut put it, literature
is the only art form in which the audience plays the score.
I’m not against e-books in principle — I’m tempted by the Kindle — but the more they become interactive and linked, the more they multitask and offer a hundred different functions, the less they will be able to preserve the aspects of the book that we actually need. An e-book reader that does a lot will not, in the end, be a book. The object needs to remain dull so the words — offering you the most electric sensation of all: insight into another person’s internal life — can sing.
So how do we preserve the mental space for the book? We are the first generation to ever use the internet, and when I look at how we are  reacting to it, I keep thinking of the Inuit communities I met in the Arctic, who were given alcohol and sugar for the first time a generation ago, and guzzled them so rapidly they were now sunk in obesity and alcoholism. Sugar, alcohol and the web are all amazing pleasures and joys — but we need to know how to handle them without letting them addle us.
The idea of keeping yourself on a digital diet will, I suspect,  become mainstream soon. Just as I’ve learned not to stock my fridge with tempting carbs, I’ve learned to limit my exposure to the web — and to love it in the limited window I allow myself. I have installed the program ‘Freedom’ on my laptop: it will disconnect you from the web for however long you tell it to.  It’s the Ritalin I need for my web-induced ADHD. I make sure I activate it so I can dive into the more permanent world of the printed page for at least two hours a day, or I find myself with a sense of endless online connection that leaves you oddly disconnected from yourself.
T.S. Eliot called books “the still point of the turning world.” He was right. It turns out, in the age of super-speed broadband we need dead trees to have living minds.
Johann Hari presents a regular podcast, uncovering the news you won’t hear elsewhere. You can subscribe via i-Tunes or click here.
My comment to the article above:
“This post says “STOP, THINK, STOP AGAIN, PONDER”. Isn’t that what books are all about? I am now writing an ebook “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” and it has been suggested that I add a vidoe component. I have resisted. I still want the written word to paint the pictures and leave something to the imaginatio­n.

With every new invention we win and lose. The telephone gave us connectivi­ty and yet we lost the mystery of distance. Paperless books will save trees yet make us less willing to stop, think, ponder as we no longer have those soft to the touch pages to turn. Someone once said “when wallowing in a vat of hot fudge one yells out for a piece of celery”. I hope that too much technology will cause us to yearn for the older magic of books.

Leadership Pioneers: Loud Better than Angry

Thursday, June 23rd, 2011
Leadership Pioneers

Leadership Pioneers

Billie Jean King is an icon of barrier breaking. When she was at  her prime in tennis she still had to take the barbs and belittling that came with women champions back in the day. Why she would be food for comedians is a wonder, and yet, that’s where we were fifty years ago. Still inequality? Yes, and we all need to gather our voices for the new way that is in process of happening. That means a world where all skills and talents are respected and better yet, utilized.

 

Wimbledon Executive: Grunting Female Players ‘Spoiling’ Tennis filed by Michael Klopman the Huffington Post.

The millions in attendance at Wimbledon are apparently turned off by the loud grunting coming from the female tennis players, according to the head of Wimbledon.

In an interview with The Daily Telegraph, Ian Ritchie said that fans are frustrated with players who grunt too loudly. He also said that fans believe the loud grunting is “spoiling” the game.

“The players have an ability to complain about it, if one player is grunting too much and the other player doesn’t like it and it is distracting, they can complain to the umpire,” he said. “We have discussed it with the tours and we believe it is helpful to reduce the amount of grunting.”

To read the full article, Click Here.

 

GUTSY Women Work It

Thursday, May 26th, 2011

Mother and DaughterAfter the powerful week-end retreat I facilitated for women leaders, I am still fascinated that so much of who we are is defined by our relationships with our parents. No matter how accomplished we are, they are there, living or dead standing behind us. It reminds me of the Australian Aborigine saying, “We carry our ancestors in our hearts, and sometimes on our backs!”

Below is an excellent example of women today.

Mothers and Daughters

by Meg Tilly, contributor on Huffington Post

I flew from Toronto to Newark this afternoon. It was very bumpy and took a long time to descend. I had melted my herbal motion sickness pills under my tongue and usually that means I’m good to go… not today.

I was sitting next to a very nice young man. He had kind eyes. His name was Lucien. He was a lawyer who advised companies about what the laws were with regard to mergers, etc. He seemed to really like his work. He was close to his family. He also happened to be… single.

I wonder if he and my daughter… but then, I shot it down, because, even if Lucien was game, which he probably wouldn’t be, my daughter would never, ever, agree to go on a blind date that I set up. Never.

At least, I don’t think she would.

Anyway, lucky for me, my daughter and Lucien too, nobody had to be embarrassed, because, right in the middle of my daydream about this nice Canadian boy and Emily falling in love, her moving back to Canada and getting married and having cute little dark haired babies with impossibly long eyelashes, the plane started bumping.

Just a few bobs and weaves to start and then more and more, and my herbal pills decided that they were for less vigorous occasions and this was not what they signed up for.

I spent the final 35 excruciating minutes of the flight, deep breathing, fanning my sweaty face with my customs card and praying I wouldn’t have to hurl the contents of my stomach into one of those handy-dandy airline bags tucked in the pouch in front of me.

“Are you okay?” the never-to-be-son-in-law asked.

“Mmm…” I mumbled.

Finally we landed. I staggered to my feet and lurched off the plane, took a taxi to the hotel and recuperated. My daughter called. We arranged to meet at a restaurant in the East Village.

I was early, so I stood by a tree filled with little white fairy lights and waited for my daughter and her friend. I tried to casually scan sidewalk, my eyes, my heart hungry for the sight of her, five long months since I had seen her last.

Yet, I had to be careful, didn’t want to seem too anxious. Don’t want her to feel the pressure, the weight of my enormous, and sometimes suffocating love. Because seriously, whenever I see her, I want to scoop her up, hug her in my arms, cover her face with a million kisses, rub my cheek against her hair and breathe her in, like I used to when she was little.

“Hi Mom.”

I whirled around and there she was, standing in front of me. My daughter.

“Hi Honey,” I said, acting casual, giving her a quick hug, nothing too confining that she would need to escape from.

She introduced me to her friend and we entered the restaurant.

We made polite chit-chat about the flight, I didn’t mention the nice young man. We touched on the weather, what we were going to eat, the play I’m going to be doing, her brothers. And all the while I was storing away memories to shore me up for the next huge stretch of time away, her living in Brooklyn and me in Canada.

We talked about her blog, TIWWCBF, that she’s co-writing with a woman named Sheera. There was a bit of drama this week. I have not slept well for the last two nights ago because I was mad about something someone wrote in the comments. It’s that primal mother thing. Usually, I’m very balanced but when somebody is mean to my kids I want to punch their lights out.

“It’s fine, Mom. We’ve talked it over. It’s fine.”

I knew my daughter well enough to know that it was time for me to change the subject. I mention the Huffington Post Canada blog.

“What are you going to write about?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine.

“I don’t know. They said I could write about anything I want.”

“Well, Mom, it’s the Huffington Post. You can’t just do your regular kind of blogging where you chat about going downstairs to get your slippers.”

“Sure, I can.”

“Mom, it’s got to be something bigger, more universal than putting on your slippers and eating some ice cream with berries.”

I started to laugh, because she’s right. That’s what my blogs are usually like. And suddenly I get the big idea. It hits me like a jolt of lighting. I slapped the table with my hands. “Honey, I’ve got it!” half rising from my seat, “A mother daughter blog! We can do a blog. You and me”

“Mom, I’ve got a blog. I’m doing a blog with Sheera”

“Dump her.” I couldn’t believe how ruthless I sounded.

“Mom, seriously, no.”

I knew she meant it, but it was too late. I’ve latched onto this idea like a starving dog. There is a voice inside whispering, “This is your chance, Meg. Don’t mess it up. If you handle this right, you could be having weekly interactions with your beloved daughter about life, literature, love and whatever else comes up.” And I suddenly feel quite desperate to make this happen. Because if I can convince her to do a mother/daughter blog maybe it will make us close again. The way it used to be before things changed. And I don’t know why, but typing that last sentence made my eyes fill up. And I probably shouldn’t post this, but I’m going to.

Not only that, but I’m in New York for a week and I’m going to continue to work on her, hoping, praying that I can convince her to change her mind and say, yes.