Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category
Friday, January 22nd, 2010
The saga o
f John Edwards is more tragic than it is disgusting. Here is a man who has lied and lied, not just to the world, but most importantly, to himself. And my big question is why we, as a nation, are so gullible? Why did we take so long to see his charade?
Were there aspects of his tendency to cover the truth when he was running for President of the United States? He always posed with such a pretty face and spoke such pretty words. I remember having an annoying feeling in my gut that all was not right with his world and yet, and yet….it takes determination and a capacity for tenacity to even become a contender for the White House crown. He had credentials and had been vetted by his colleagues, deemed worthy of the job.
The day I knew he was down in the dirt of it was when he visited his “past relationship” late at night and on his way out was caught by a reporter and made a dash to run and hide. That made me cringe, thinking about how he would have handled a major international crisis.
Now, I can only hope he finds a way to make peace with all of his relationships: his ill wife, his children with her, his “mistress”, and the love-child they brought into the world.
This type of situation goes deeply into the psyches of the next generation, and the next. In our Total Leadership Connections program, participants are asked to chart their family history – to learn what patterns of the past have influenced their present thinking and behavior. It is an eye opening process that helps leaders become clear about what “baggage” they carry into their important jobs.
Perhaps all captains of industry, all leaders of organizations, all who are in positions of power for the public good need to take the time to do what we have named the “Sankofa Map”. The term Sankofa is from Ghana, from its mythology and means “clear the past to free the present”.
The wisdom of older cultures is that they took into account the behaviors of ancestors. There was a sense that what was done would impact both present and future generations. These concepts might serve us well in this day of instant gratification and power paradigms.
For John Edwards, Elizabeth, et al., I can only hope that there is a period of honesty and truth telling that can begin the long, arduous process of clearing the past to free the present.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Business, Communication, Consulting, Emotions, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, History, John Edwards, Leaders, Leadership, Media, neuropsychology, Neuroscience, pattern aware, Patterns, Sankofa
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Honor, Leaders, Leadership, Marital coaching, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Political distrust, Politics, Power, Psychology, The media, Transformation, Trust | No Comments »
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
Yesterday I wrote about a husband and wife who are economists stationed in Afghanistan. Somehow, that set up a stream of connections about the world structure from an economic perspective. The next night, still in London, there was a CNBC show called “House of Cards” about the failures of Wall Street and the mortgage mess. It grabbed my attention.
While riding the Tube, eating fish and chips, window shopping, meeting with clients, talking with friends, my mind had a strong background song repeating and repeating about power, evil and possibilities (or the lack of them!).
One thing that stands out like a broken record is an Alan Greenspan comment made on the CNBC special when he was interviewed about how the house of cards was built and how it tumbled down. He smiled a weary smile and then acknowledged that the essence of the situation was greed and that greed is something that has always been and always will. He indicated that what happened would have happened no matter what structures would have been put in place. He also felt this will happen again and again because people are just greedy. That’s it! Greed always has been and always will be.
I wonder if any of you reading this have a different point of view? Is greed the driving force of business? Is leadership development training about ethics and morals a waste of time? Is it best to protect ourselves, play it close to the chest, and only worry about ourselves and our families? Is having a social conscience naïve and ultimately a way to head for personal disaster? Are there better ways to look at the dilemma of greed so prevalent in our society?
I sure would like to hear from you. Anyone who sends an answer that we can put on the blog will get an autographed copy of my book “Don’t Bring It to Work”. Give hope or say Greenspan is right, just give your perspective why. I look forward to hearing from you.
Posted in Accountability, Business, Economy, Ethics, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, Politics | No Comments »
Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Senator Ted Kennedy is an example of a life well lived. Filled with bumps and valleys he is an example of courage and determination. A perfect life? Hardly. A complex life? Yes. A respected life? Often.
What can we learn from a life well lived? First, there are always “mosquitoes in paradise”. The Kennedy’s were the Camelot family. Wealthy, handsome, privileged. Yet, there were relationship difficulties, health issues, accidents, hurts, and disappointments.
Next, is how the traumas and discomforts were handled. Earlier in his life Ted ran from an accident where a female companion in the car died. At the time it tarnished his reputation and seemed to end the possibilities of a life in public service.
Then there was the plane crash that caused him physical pain for the rest of his life. And for a devout Catholic, there was divorce from his wife Joan. Think about how you might respond to daily public scrutiny. Think about how you would take each setback and make something positive come from it.
Ted was an example of leadership in action. His life was truly a leadership development course. He ended his career as an esteemed Senator who was able to connect people with each other and with ideas of merit. He was an impassioned champion of right choice and good deeds.
Think about how you can learn from his life as a leader, someone who mastered the art of conflict resolution, high level communication skills, and mostly, how to be a good man, an example of a life well lived.
Tags: Accountability, Business, Communication, Conflict, Death, Economy, Education, Ethics, family patterns, Health, History, Leaders, leadership programs, Media, Patterns, Politics, Power, programs, Senator Ted Kennedy, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Economy, Education, Ethics, Fear, Health, History, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Patterns, Politics, Power, Transformation | No Comments »
Monday, August 24th, 2009
The furor over health care points to a core concern in our society; the way we discuss and decide important issues. Learning how to talk about and resolve contentious subjects should begin at home and in school. It rarely does.
In the business world executive education programs, management training courses, conflict resolution workshops, leadership development, take us only so far. Back in the workplace it is still too common and easy to fall back to the patterned reactions of agree-disagree, win-lose.
Last week John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods created uproar when he wrote about his perspective toward health care. He has a stake in the game and did comment about the difference healthy food makes in maintaining health. He also took on the present administration for its views. Is there something to learn from his thoughts?
Many who disagreed with him were ready to boycott his grocery stores. They wondered why he would alienate shoppers like themselves, Obama supporters. So, what is free speech? What does it mean to dig down, way down and look for new, innovative answers to old, frustrating questions? Why is it so hard to talk and so easy to polarize?
Philosopher Krishnamurti once said, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”. Is he talking about US? Is he talking about the U.S.?
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Communication, Conflict, Economy, Executive Teams, family patterns, Health, Healthcare, John Mackey, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Patterns, programs, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Economy, Executive Teams, Health, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Power, Transformation | No Comments »
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
Denial, as the joke goes, is more than a river in Egypt. It is something we all do on occasion when what confronts us is too hard to fathom. So, we say, “No, this isn’t happening”. Has to be a dream…mistake….joke…. And then, we pull ourselves up and do what we have to do, most of the time, some of the time.
Except deniers! They refuse to heed warnings and will do what they have always done the way they have always done it. Ever wonder why? Ever hear the expression “Better safe than sorry”? That is the mantra for the denier. Usually there was a trauma that happened in the family that went underground, too painful to discuss and the youngster learned that the best way to handle anxiety, stress, and pain is simply to ignore it, pretend it away.
Bob Woodward aptly titled his book “State of Denial” about the inner workings of the Bush administration and the war in Iraq. Reading the book is unsettling when you realize how unprepared the leadership of our country was, and continued to be, month after month after month.
I did some research on George W looking for clues concerning his personal state of denial, the pattern that seems to be his strongest one. Several facts began to coalesce. When George was a child his sister Robin contracted leukemia. Barbara Bush spent most of her time at Slone Kettering in Manhattan with the little girl. George was back at the ranch with his caretakers.
Barbara, it was stated, would not permit any signs of sadness around Robin and when George Sr. would visit the hospital he would have to leave the room if he showed signs of his internal upset. Thus, pain and discomfort were swept under the rug.
Fear, anger, hurt, the painful and ugly side of life is locked into deep, steel clad vaults. Death, war, betrayal, rejection cannot surface. Deniers simply want to look at the positive and see even the days of Katrina as sunny.
Leadership strategies with deniers take a lot of hard work and armfuls of determination. It takes repetition and repetition laced with kindness to break through the barriers a denier has built up to keep the pain away.
Deniers do best if they are first offered more abstract possibilities before they will ever attempt to consider their personal discomfort. I have found that films about other people and how they have handled adversity can be the way to get a denier to look internally. Just know this is a long, difficult process.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Bob Woodward, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Deniers, Education, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, George W. Bush, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, Politics, Power, programs, Stress, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Education, Employers, Fear, History, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Power, Psychology, Reflections, Transformation | No Comments »
Monday, July 27th, 2009
I have been following the undertow reactions from last week when Henry Louis Gates Jr. the African American Harvard professor was taken to police headquarters and now has a mug shot to add to his list of memory photographs.
Immediately the media and most folks who had conversations went to a polarized “who is right and who is wrong”, traditional stance. We are so patterned to knee jerk “my side/ your side” that even President Obama initially tilted to take his friend Skip Gate’s side.
I kept listening and wondering. What could have led a seasoned police officer to handcuff the older man? What could have gotten the professor riled up to become overtly agitated?
And then I had an “AHA” moment. I did the best I could to be in Professor Gates emotional field. I thought about what he must have endured growing up black in West Virginia. I wondered if he had ever been stopped by police, perhaps others in his family must have tales to tell. Track back and I’m sure there is someone or many some ones in his list of family and friends that have a horror story on their life resume.
Then I thought about what I know: when stress hits the hot button we are all prone to go back to behavior patterns we learned as children to help us survive. I wonder if Professor Gates suddenly reverted back to become the youngster who had to protect himself, his family, or friends from racial onslaught. I wonder if he over-reacted from a place of patterned response rather than to the obviously annoying, even embarrassing situation of the moment.
I know I’ve been there and done that when I have been upset.
I also did my best to get into Sgt. James Crowley’s emotional field. I worked with members of the police force back in the days I was a family therapist. I know many join the force because they did not feel safe as youngsters, often with abusive fathers. I have no idea if this is the case here. Did some ancient hurt activate when the professor became upset?
I know that relationships are complex and interactive even though we have been trained to only look from one point of view. I know that the older parts of the brain, the fight, flight, or freeze area called the amygdala (what I have named the Amy Hijack) takes over and there is an adrenaline surge that makes us all behave in less than ideal ways.
This is a “teachable moment”! To find the way OUT we all need to Observe, Understand, and Transform our personal and cultural behaviors. We all need to realize that the past is always present in our hearts and minds. We can all react from a place of hurt and childhood pain no matter neither how old we are nor how much education and training we have.
The lesson: time to talk about the visible/invisible divide that will not go away until we all participate in making it happen. In our “Total leadership Connections program” everyone does a Sankofa Map. Sankofa is a wise word from Ghana that means “Clear the past to free the present”. We all need to be able to map our past, our personal and collective history and talk about the arrows that have pierced our hearts. We need to talk and listen. We need leadership models for a better way. Perhaps the professor and the police officer can lead the way.
The poet Rumi says it all: “Somewhere between right and wrong
There is a field
I’ll meet you there”
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Education, Ethics, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Henry Louis Gates Jr., Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Patterns, Politics, Power, programs, Psychology, Sankofa, Sgt. James Crowley, Stress
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Fear, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Power, Psychology, The media, Transformation | No Comments »
Monday, July 6th, 2009
There is a very interesting article in the Washington Post about Mark Sanford regarding moral principles and leadership that really made me think and here is my response:
Are we asking the right questions? At this time it needs to be more than “Did Sanford stray”? It is important to look beyond one incident and address long term behavior patterns to find what a person is really made of.
In Sanford’s case he responded to his many incidents of infidelity as an avoider. His eyes were roving for many years and he could not find the courage to straight talk with his wife. They have a long road to travel and that is their personal issue.
However, that he used state funds for his trip to Argentina and left his post as Governor without anyone in command, especially after living through September 11, that level of avoiding responsibility is unforgivable.
This is not a high school student council we are talking about. Sandord’s pattern as an avoider is clearly one that has important ramifications for his leadership role.
Unless he is required to do deep internal work (not at taxpayers expense) I believe this tendency to avoid when it is too tough to face situations will show up again and again.This is the type of pattern we cannot afford to have our leaders bring to work.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Communication, Conflict, Economy, Ethics, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Governor Sanford, Leadership, leadership programs, Media, pattern aware, Politics, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Communication, Conflict, Economy, Ethics, Fear, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Media, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Power, The media, Transformation | No Comments »
Monday, June 29th, 2009
How many more “family values” based politicians will make the news about affairs this season? It is interesting that the latest, Governor Sanford had his press “mea culpa” conference sans wife by his side. He needs to do this alone and it will be interesting to see what he can learn from his philandering.
The news around him is familiar. The talk shows have experts tell why he did what he did and what he should now do differently. Experts who write about narcissism call him a narcissist. Experts who don’t believe in divorce talk about the devastation for the children. Experts who focus on politics dissect his career possibilities.
I would like to offer another point of view about the complex sides of all of us labeled human beings. It is time to bring the “shadow” side of who we are into the light. I have no idea what went on in the Governor’s personal relationship with his wife. That is for them to untangle. I don’t know how his relationship with his sons has evolved. That is for them to dialogue.
What I do know is that when we crusade about a cause, any cause, without being able to look at all sides there is a tendency to fall into the pit of the opposite and take on the energy of what we are so against.
The good Governor was a strong advocate of family values and a vocal judge of those who have “gone astray”. Now, he will have an opportunity to learn from personal experience, or at least one hopes he will learn about what it feels like to be “the other”.
Hopefully this will make him a more caring, deeper individual able to see all sides of the equation in the future. Perhaps this is his best leadership development training and rather than merely judge the man we can send him our best caring wishes that he will tackle his shadow side and be able to bring more light to this complex world of ours.
Tags: Accountability, Business, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Ethics, Governor Sanford, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, Media, Patterns, Politics, Stress, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Communication, Conflict, Economy, Ethics, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Patterns, Politics, Power, Reflections, Transformation | No Comments »
Friday, June 19th, 2009
When my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” began its journey in March I had no idea how it would be received or if it would be seen as “beautiful”. You know how it is with kids, you just hope and pray and love them, and you never know.
So when friends and family told me it was “wonderful” I thanked them and waited for the neighbors to check in. Also, great comments of appreciation. Then the strangers started to email and some even called. With baited breath I waited. And while most said words of appreciation there were the few who said “Eh”!
What was fascinating was not the “Eh”. It was me watching my response to “Eh”. I thought I had transformed the pattern of super achiever, the one who has to be best of class all the time. Yet, I began to question some of my book decisions. Maybe if I had…..I should have included….Why did I put that there instead of here…..
I found myself doing all the super achiever perfectionist dances I could think of and the chatter in my mind was ceaseless. That lasted for a few days and I must admit it was exhausting. Then I sat myself down and had a stern conversation.
I dialed down the super achiever lurking behind my best practices as a creative collaborator. I acknowledged that I got caught in the power these patterns from our families hold on us. The “Eh” actually helped me become more compassionate toward myself and everyone out there who needs to be the best at the expense of truly living the moments of life fully.
Soon my mind went to “Aha” and by evening I was even able to get to “Ahhhh” and let in the beauty the world offers us every day if we just look.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Conflict, Fear, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Stress, Super Achiever, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Conflict, Ethics, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Transformation | No Comments »
Thursday, June 18th, 2009
In my research I have been looking at the essence of how managers become leaders. Granted, not all want to go from management development settings into leadership development. Being a leader is more rigorous, more personally demanding than managing.
Leaders are required to be more transparent and the one aspect that separates the weaker from the stronger is the ability to say clearly what one means and do what one says. In effect, leaders who want to hone their skills must learn the art and craft of truth telling.
We live in a culture where telling the truth is a very “iffy” thing. Think of all the political leaders who “tell” the truth about family values and talk a good game about how to live a life. Within the past week another Senator let his shadow side show through. John Ensign, Senator from Nevada, admitted to an affair and did his mea culpa for the press. Yet, this is the same man who spent gobs of Senate time castigating Clinton during the Lewinsky era. Did he not know he was merely repeating a pattern of the seduction of power? How many times have constituents been disappointed when actions and words are misaligned?
Now, I am not suggesting we tar and feather every leader who falls from a pedestal. What I am suggesting is that leadership training programs should help individuals look more deeply into the responsibilities of words and actions. We need to offer leadership courses starting from middle school through college, MBA and PhD programs, and then continue with leadership coaching in business settings.
Telling the truth is a hallmark of great leadership. Telling the truth is not spilling your guts. It is a disciplined and responsible way of constructing one’s life. We need leaders who can model alignment and integrity. It’s what the world needs now.
Tags: Accountability, Coaching, Communication, Consulting, Ethics, John Ensign, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, Patterns
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Ethics, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Patterns, Politics, Power | No Comments »
