Archive for the ‘Integrity’ Category

Leadership Lessons: Pay Attention to Your Life

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

Life happensThis is excellent blog to make us all think about who we are, what really matters and how to get there. It is the essence of Total Leadership Connections, our program for executives, high potentials and all in business who want more out of life than just financial success. Read this and give someone you know a hug, or roses, or at least appreciation for being in your life; you’ll feel better.

Why You Should Go Home Early

by: Jeff Haden writer on BNET

 

My client called me the night before he committed suicide.

Several days prior his business offices had been raided by investigators, and while he shared few details, he was desperately concerned about what would happen to him, his
employees, and his company.  The next morning, alone in a home he rarely visited, he shot himself.

I often wonder what he thought about in his last moments. Certainly he regretted some of the business decisions he had made.

Yet I feel certain he regretted personal choices he had made.  We had grown to be friends and he could at times be startlingly — even  uncomfortably, at least for me — frank.  He sometimes talked about how  he wanted a family and children he could spoil and cherish.  He talked  about finding friends who liked him for himself and not for his
connections or influence or money.

He talked about his wife who, years ago, had committed suicide and whether he without knowing bore some responsibility.

That’s why I think he thought mostly about choices; choices he desperately wished he had made differently.

If you knew you only had minutes left to live, what would you think  about?  You wouldn’t think about work or business.  It’s a cliche, but  true nonetheless:  No one on their deathbed regrets not spending enough  time at work.  Would you really think about money you never earned, or  projects you never completed, or companies you never started?  Would
those be your regrets?

Would those be the types of choices you would want back?

Of course not.  You would think about the people you love and how you would have spent more time with them.  You would have told them, over  and over, just how much they meant to you.  I think those are the  decisions he thought about in his last minutes.  At heart, regardless of mistakes he made, I think he was a good man.  Flawed, like all of us,
but still a good person.

I tried the best I could to express his love for family and friends  in his eulogy.  Still, I sometimes wish I could find a better, more  lasting way to honor his memory.

There is a way.  But I need your help.

Today, go home early.  Not tomorrow and not some other day.  Today.
At the latest, leave right on time.  Projects and contracts and  promotions and money and glory will be there waiting for you tomorrow.
Go home, find somewhere quiet, and sit with your spouse or significant  other and tell them how much they mean to you.  Set aside any baggage or resentment, take off any emotional armor you wear, think about why you  fell in love in the first place, and speak from your heart.

Then hang out with your kids.  Talk to them.  Praise them.  All your kids want is your attention.  Attention is the easiest and the best gift you can offer.

Or call a friend you’ve lost touch with.  Swallow your pride if necessary and reach out.  Take the first step.

Above all, live today differently.  Someday we will all probably wish we had made a few different choices along the way, but at least we  won’t wish to change anything about today.

I think my client — and more importantly, my friend — would like that.

 

Leadership Lessons: Many Ways to Play a Situation

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

Im SorryInteresting article about when to take the lead and when to stay in the background. Let me know what you think.

 

2 Words Every CEO Hates to Say

by Kimberly Weisul

Why is it so hard for the rich and powerful to apologize? Because the corporate apology is no ordinary apology. Upset your customers badly enough, and they’ll demand not just a mea culpa, but some kind of restitution. Which can get awfully expensive.

So executives are loath to say anything that implies legal responsibility, and taking responsibility for one’s actions is, well, the key to a real apology. “I deeply regret that the loss of life” is not the same as saying “I’m sorry that my company caused the deaths of 5,000.” Tokyo Electric Power Company, facing a failing and dangerous nuclear power plant, was  left issuing expressions of sympathy that only sound like apologies. Such as this from Tepco CEO Masataka Shimizu: “We believed we had built nuclear plants that could withstand natural disasters, but in the end this situation arose, and for that I am truly sorry.”

Of course, some other executives have done far worse.

Is Your Word or Your Handshake a Commitment?

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

your wordThere is a wonderful on-going discussion on the TED group of Linkedin that really gives pause to think about values and integrity. How do we stay in the realm of doing the right thing and what constitutes living by healthy values that limit contention and the need for lawyers to solve our issues?

I am wondering who out there has ever been in a contractual agreement with someone with a sentence or a handshake that has later been blown off. What are the ramifications of this type of behavior? Does it then mean a lawsuit or is the matter shoved under the rug and forgotten?

I believe the days of a handshake are sadly behind us and I wonder why this is. In our leadership program, we dig down, way down when we teach about accountability and the ideas of alignment between thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Did you ever wonder what business would be like in a “Say what you mean and do what you say” world?

I am sorting out the fact that when there is too much trust people have a tendency to “forget” agreements. Is it vital to always have a paper trail? What kinds of agreements can be made with verbal acknowledgment or a handshake?

I’d love to hear your comments and some real life stories about people doing the right thing for the right reasons.

Leadership Lessons: What Lies Inside our Employees

Friday, March 18th, 2011

Leadership BookSometimes the best leadership development comes in the form of film or literature.  As we can see ourselves and others from a broader perspective.

I am finishing a beautifully written book “How to Read the Air” by Dinaw Mengestu. Powerful, beautifully written and filled with tips for leaders who look at their direct reports and colleagues and haven’t a clue about who they are, where they came from, and what makes them tick.

The book is about a first generation American who discovers that his family’s past still lives within him. The main character of the book, Jonas grew up in the Midwest. Yet, his life experiences are far from the rural landscape of his childhood in Illinois.

His father has a big temper, his mother big silences. He had grown into a self-numbing young adult. How they became who they became was part of a journey to adulthood for a man who saw himself as a stranger in a strange land.

The haunting sense of displacement and isolation that shaped his family, that shaped his behavior began in Ethiopia where his parents were children to the Sudan, through Europe and finally to the United States.

The deep question that resounds through the story is sadly an all too common one: How many generations does it take to heal the wounds of war?

While no one needs to share the depth of their personal stories at work, skilled leaders are aware that we do bring our families to work with us, those invisible ties that bind. Just being sensitive to this will make a leader a better visionary and a better mentor.

This level of understanding is core to our Total Leadership Connections program. My belief is that we can be more helpful as leaders when we can simply show compassion with a word or a nod.

Gutsy Women Make Change

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011


Think back to what the world was like 100 years ago; much super different and yet so much the same. The sun will come up tomorrow however; the landscape is more crowded and polluted than ever before.

WE CAN MAKE CHANGE!

Women still birth babies, although in many parts of the world it is now the mother’s choice rather than a mandate. In other areas of the world women have no say in their personal rights about childbirth or sexuality.

WE CAN MAKE CHANGE

Today is a celebration of International Women’s Day. Only one century ago women could not vote, enter a university, own land, start a company. Women are now are over the 50% mark compared to males graduation from college and going on for advanced degrees. More women than men are entering the medical field when even fifty years ago a woman was laughed at for wanting to become a physician. Women are on the Supreme Court of our nation, heads of large corporations, astronauts, and on and on.

WE HAVE MADE CHANGE

To celebrate this time of women and their accomplishments we are beginning a new series of week-end retreats for women in business to hone their skills even more, network in a relaxed environment and take time for self-care to prevent the uglies of burnout.

The first weekend retreat will be May 20-22 in conjunction with the launch of Sylvia Lafair’s new book.  As with her award winning “Don’t Bring It to Work” this new book will be a landscape of how the past and present connect to form the future for women leaders as partners to our men.  It covers the requirements for contemporary leaders; self-care, self-aware, and pattern-aware. The title says it all:

GUTSY: HOW WOMEN LEADERS MAKE CHANGE

Martin Luther King: Dreams, Passion and Energy

Monday, January 17th, 2011

Martin Luther King Jr.“I have a dream”, those words spoken at the steps of the Washington Monument those many decades ago still reverberate in the atmosphere day after day. Only four words yet, with such clout for generations to come.

As kids we all have dreams, and as teenagers we all want to make amazing things happen. Then, as adults we say stuff like “well, real life intervened” or “it wasn’t in the cards”, or “the economy turned sour”, and on and on.

So, what separates those who have and hold the vision from the rest of us? Here is a clue: it is not talent, intelligence, looks or luck. What separate us are determination, will power, guts, and passion.

There are so many books with list of what to do to succeed. This is not that, I merely want to add an inner thought for you to digest on this Martin Luther King birthday.

Take some time and think about the passions you had as a kid. You had them. Every child does.  Then write a short paragraph about what the dream was and how you can morph it into reality today. Don’t be shy. Think big. No, really think even bigger.

What will this exercise do for you? It will ignite that place inside where you forgot what delights you. The dreams are often replaced with the realities of mortgages, deadlines, demands.

You can put your dreams back into play and there is no better time than now. Okay, you may not become a world renowned photographer, so what. Get the camera out and find beauty to put into pictures you can download to friends.

One of my early dreams was to be a New York Times best-selling author. Hasn’t happened! However, yes, my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” has won several best business book awards for 2010.

I still want to write that great fiction book and so I keep scraps of ideas in a notebook. Will it ever get written? Who knows? What I do know is that when I jot down thoughts and phrases of beautifully crafted sentences it keeps the small flame of possibility alive and I do believe that is an essential part of health and happiness.

Remember, it’s the journey that makes all the difference. So, in the words of another dreamer “Imagine” and reconnect with your young self, there’s magic there.

When Smart People Are Stupid

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

Quality leadership development needs to contain the seeds of wisdom. Wisdom, a word that seems as old fashioned as the word spinster.

Wisdom comes from an era that seems long gone. We live in the world of lists, bullet points, and sound bites. We hope to get core learning by scanning a few sentences that will tell us exactly what to do to become powerful, charismatic, creative, effective, and successful.

We have become what social scientists call “cognitive misers”. We respond to emotional situations that tug at our heartstrings and give us simple ways of looking at complex situations without really giving us the food for thought about long term consequences.

We get misty eyed about Haiti, send a check and then get on to what is next. We storm about in anger concerning the BP oil spill, refrain from ordering shrimp for a month, and then it is on to the next corporate misdeed.

We take mental shortcuts and forget to ask key questions about the consequences of actions, ours and theirs. Let’s go back to an older time, to the myth of Perceval and the Holy Grail. Here we see how critical it is to ask the right questions.

Perceval visits the wounded Grail King who is sick and in pain and the land around is lifeless. Perceval is not aware that he is being tested, tested at the level of wisdom leadership. All he has to do is ask the question, and it’s a big question. He has to turn to the King and ask “what ails thee uncle?”

It takes time before he gets it right. And when he finally does step up to the plate, ask this vital question rather than stay silent or talk about his own ideas, the King is healed and the land once again begins to bloom.

One of the important messages of this ancient myth is that Perceval’s test was not about cleverness or skillfulness, it was about compassion. He was not meant to avenge the forces that caused the King’s injury. He could not use clever ideas to make the land bloom again. What he could do move to his wisdom state and find the caring and compassion to ask the question and listen.

Leadership is about looking at things differently. It is about broadening the context of our opinions and attitudes. It is about asking and listening before making decisions. It is about moving beyond superficial and knee-jerk automatic responses to find solutions that have long term and lasting impact. This is what Perceval learned eons ago. We need to return to the ancient myths to find deeper truths to help us through these fast paced times and use our knowledge to become wise.

Leadership Perspectives: Women Who Make It Happen

Thursday, December 9th, 2010


I just returned from two days at Purdue University and what a delight, even with the temperature a cool 5 degrees.
One of the highlights was presenting a program based on my book “Don’t Bring It to work” to the Women Faculty Leaders. Before I spoke I was thinking about the uphill trek that many females have taken to be able to teach in prestigious schools of higher education. Not so long ago it was frowned upon for girls to learn to read and school was considered a waste of resources. Did you ever think about the etiology of the term “barefoot and pregnant”?

There are many who have paved the way for today’s female leaders in education and business. One of the icons at Purdue is Amelia Earhart. She is known for her solo flight across the Atlantic and also her mysterious disappearance when attempting to fly around the globe. There is so much more. In 1935 she stood out as an example of that “can do” pioneering spirit vital for women who dared to do it differently.
She was a visiting professor at Purdue in the Department of Aeronautics. Remember that women are not meant to be so smart in math and the sciences! These residual patterns of thinking exist today; can you imagine what it was like for her eighty years ago?

We all stand on the shoulders of past pioneers who chipped away at the old belief systems that forced us to be separated from each other. The stereotypes and categories that kept women in a lesser place also kept men from a sense of wholeness. When we deride each other and keep the “nots” tight, as in cannot, should not, and not like me, we all suffer from the inequities.

One of the benefactors of the Women’s Leadership Program at Purdue is Susan Bulkeley Butler, a Purdue graduate and author of “Women Count” which will be profiled in another post. For right now I would like to use a quote from her book. Earhart, in 1935 to women students “Someday people will be judged by their individual aptitude to do a thing and (society) will stop blocking off certain things as suitable to men and suitable to women.”

The professors I had the pleasure of spending the afternoon with all stand on Amelia’s shoulders and the students they mentor stand on their capable shoulders; thus having an even a better view of the future.

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Business Leadership: What Do Women Want?

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

The following is a great article on the Harvard Business Review website about the dilemma women still surface ever since we left the family compound to support men in the workplace. Now, we are in the midst of a new experience: how do we support each other in an equal and positive manner. Also, I’d love to hear comments about ways you see healthy changes in your workplace.

Stop  Stereotyping Female Leaders

by: Athena Vongalis-Macrow and Andrea Gallant

Women’s leadership programs are charged with imagining a new type of woman leader for whom leadership is an attainable aspiration. But effective leadership education for women is still a haven for bad practices that send mixed messages to aspiring leaders. There are two types of practices that work to stereotype women in leadership:

First, programs rely on bringing out the superwoman as a model of leadership. On the final day of our leadership program, a woman was invited to present her tips for getting ahead to a group of aspirational young female leaders. She was in her mid-forties, a professor and dean of a business faculty, and had just given birth to twins through IVF. She was immaculately put together, on stilettos all day. Can we do all that? Why do so many women’s leadership programs send out this unrealistic and exhausting message? There is a lack of women leaders as role models, but sustaining stereotypes of the superwoman is no solution. For role models to be effective, they need to be both inspirational and motivational. Consider the context of aspiring women leaders, who dismiss the idea that work is your entire life and a woman needs to go it alone and to have it all. The superwoman is not affirming of choices and balance. She continues to perpetuate the traditional notion that doing leadership about getting control, dominance, and power, at all costs. Instead, leadership programs need to increase the repertoire of role models so leadership is feasible, flexible, and appealing at all stages of a career. Such role models could be better fostered from our networks and our exemplary peers, rather than from exaggerated tokens of women’s leadership.

Second, programs focus on the common narratives about the woes of women in leadership. Glass ceilings, the double binds of family and work, and discriminatory nature of organizations reinforce ideas that women are vulnerable and need fixing. Women need a better way to use the language of self-promotion and accountability. We know that language creates the reality of how individuals see themselves. So, while leadership language for women still focuses on barriers and struggles, this practice maintains the backlash avoidance model of success, which suggests that women fear negative repercussions from self promotion and standing out. It is no wonder that women can often negotiate a better deal for others than they can for themselves. Compare this language context to that of male leadership programs which are littered with the narratives of success. Males learn to take charge, tackle challenges, develop talent, driving innovation and guide change. Disrupting the stereotypical use of language should be a focus of women’s leadership programs.

Women’s leadership programs are necessary to accelerate women’s leadership aspirations. But just having a women’s leadership program isn’t enough. If it’s not done right, women can’t move forward. Effective programs for tomorrow’s leaders should disrupt stereotyping.

Athena Vongalis-Macrow and Andrea Gallant are academic researchers working in education and leadership at Deakin University, Melbourne Australia. Presently they are writing a book, Glass Wall Barriers. They can be contacted at info@glasswalls.com.au.

 

Sylvia Lafair Comment:

“Melissa Anderson, editor of the Glass Hammer, hit the nail smack on the head! It’s about systems thinking and change at a structural level.
The dialogue that started with “The Feminine Mystique” almost 50 years ago is still in full bloom. The question at the heart of the women in leadership subject is eons old: What do women want?
I believe we want what is basic to the human species; we want to be heard and we want to be acknowledged, and we want what is fair. The “how to make this happen” still seems to be a struggle.
 
In “Don’t Bring It to Work” the spotlight shines on the behaviors we learned as children in our families that we take with us into the work setting whether we want to or not. When stress hits the hot button we revert to these behaviors that were there for security and survival. It would be a great exercise to look at the patterns we learned as kids and overlay them with how we behave as adults at work.
I believe the woman in the article wearing stilettos shortly after the birth of twins probably played the role of super achiever even as a child. Many of us became pleasers, others rebels, procrastinators, persecutor/bullies, victims or rescuers. The bigger question is how we personally face our old dragons and how we also include our male counterparts who struggle just as much as we do.

This is a time for both genders to come together to look at how we structure the work environment for this new century. The industrial model is stale and is, in many ways, killing personal and family relationships. This is the vital dialogue that will move us forward way more than continuing the debate about fairness to women. It is about systems thinking and how we can all win. It’s about you, it’s about me and it’s about time.”
 

Comment by Melissa Anderson:

“As editor of The Glass Hammer, a blog and online community for women business leaders, I definitely agree with Athena and Andrea. Having profiled scores of leading women in the professional services, I can affirm that they come in very different stripes, with different leadership styles, life stories, and strategies for success. They talk at length about the need to change organizational structures to create 21st century inclusive workplaces that allow women to thrive, rather than merely “fit in.”

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Leadership Takes More Than Having A Drink Together

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

Leadership Carly FiorinaI am always excited to see women who have had successful careers dive into public office. We need the balance of men and women who can come together to help our country be great. However, having done research about Carly Fiorina and her stint at Hewlett Packard, I saw her inability to be a leader of substance. Regardless of her strategy plan, she did not have a clue about bringing people together, creating consensus, building a cooperative company. Those are the qualities this country needs now to get back on track. I did not move to the Bay Area just to vote in this election. I must, admit, however, it is a terrific time to be involved. So, no Carly vote for me.

Carly Fiorina Drinks Tequila, Tries to Roll her R’s: “Every speech should begin with a shot

posted on Huffington Post by Nick Wing

Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina appeared Friday night at the Hispanic 100 Lifetime Achievement Award dinner and accepted a toast of tequila shots.

The two self-funded political upstarts seeking office in California downed the libations to the smooth musical stylings of a mariachi band before taking the stage.

“Muchas gracias. Muchas gracias. You know I must say this evening has spoiled me forever, I mean from now on, I want to follow Paul Rodriguez [the emcee], I want to follow an incredible mariachi band… and I don’t know, I think every speech should begin with a shot of tequila,” Fiorina said, before doing her best attempt to show that she could roll her r’s.

“I’m with Carly Fiorina, we oughta do more events like this,” Whitman said.

Whitman’s campaign has reportedly spent millions of dollars in an operation to drum up support from Latino voters. Her efforts included a Spanish-language ad that touted her reluctance to support Arizona’s controversial immigration law. But her mission to court Latinos in California was complicated last month when her harsh stance on the employment of undocumented workers was twisted by the revelation that she had employed a Mexican housekeeper who was in the United States illegally. She has claimed that Whitman was aware of her immigration status as early as 2003, but Whitman denies these allegations.

Fiorina’s electoral chances may also weigh heavily on the Latino vote, an issue that she has complicated by announcing her support of Arizona’s immigration law. The National Organization for Marriage has come to her aid, however, releasing a Spanish-language ad attempting to convince conservative Hispanic voters that she will stand with them on social issues.

Meanwhile, Brave New Films has released a web video that seeks to highlight Fiorina as a self-centered and extravagant former CEO who outsourced jobs while furthering her own personal wealth. Another video from the group has painted her as a Sarah Palin hybrid who will support racial discrimination and the harsh enforcement of deportation.

Sylvia Lafair’s Comment:

“The research I did for my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” showed Fiorina to be a leader who did not have a clue about history, loyalty, or consensus building. I was amazed at the lack of concern she showed with the families of the founders of Hewlett-Packard. I made myself a bet that she would be booted out, albeit not sure what the exact scenario would be. When someone is as discounting as she is sooner or later they do get the boot.

Her internal need to prove how great she is stems from some childhood issues that stay locked in the corners of her mind. I am not saying that each of us has cleared our past fears, I am saying that I believe she has not done enough inner work to make a great public servant and if elected there will be a replay of the ugliness that went on while she was at HP.”

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