Archive for the ‘Character’ Category
Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

What can we do to help each other face the challenges of an economic climate that changes with the weather?
There are no safe havens. Sears has been around forever and is closing stores. Old brands are dying, yet new ones will always come along to replace them.
What do we want from our leaders to help us with the tides of change?
The following article gives food for thought. So does my response. Enjoy.
Bringing the immigrant perspective to business leaders
Tags: Accountability, Behavior, Business, Conflict, Economy, Ethics, Huffington Post, Leaders, Leadership, Politics, Power
Posted in Accountability, Business, Character, Conflict, Economy, Ethics, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Politics, Power | No Comments »
Thursday, November 17th, 2011
The “new” politics is happening. It is a return, or maybe a new turn to participatory human scale democracy. It is what is blossoming all around this country, all around the world. Modern technology is being used for good, not just fun or stimulation. The world is coming together in a new way, and as Robert Reich states, apathy is taking a hike!
The wave of involvement includes local grassroots initiatives, a redefining of power, and a way of getting to the core of issues that impact all of us. This is not about the 99%, it really is about the human desire for reaching potential and being altruistic; helping each other.
The “new’ politics is expressed by an “organic” worldview; it is inclusive rather than exclusive. The balance is between “CARE and DARE
” which is the meeting place of male and female ways of thinking and being.
It is in everyone’s nature to care and it is in everyone’s nature to dare, to take risks and make a difference. The evolving worldview that is being shaken loose is seen in the camaraderie of young and elder, diverse folks from diverse backgrounds who no longer are willing to be told what to do and how to live.
The statements from Berkeley California to Manhattan New York are one and the same. We all matter. The perspective is eclectic in detail, yet, generally affirms the human need for far more that material well-being alone. There is an exciting emphasis on holistic values that are life affirming and involve both inner trust in one’s deep beliefs of connectedness as well as group wisdom that we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do.
This is the core of what we teach in our Total Leadership Connections four session program. Come join us in the new wave of transformational leadership. Our new program begins in March 2012 and promises to be amazing and important at this time in the way the world is turning.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Collaboration, Communication, Education, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, leadership programs, Management, Politics, Psychology, Relationships, Sylvia Lafair, Total Leadership Connections, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Character, Collaboration, Communication, Community Relationships, Conflict Resolution, Consulting, Economy, Education, Equality, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Leadership Strategies, Management, Politics, Psychology, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, Young Leaders | No Comments »
Thursday, November 3rd, 2011
Meetings can be boring, infuriating, or creative. Regardless of the exact emotion, they all are stress inducing. And with stress comes ways of responding that are hard wired in our brains. Knowing about how you tend t
o react and ways others are prone to react, gives you a leg up in how to handle your part during the encounter.
In my book, “Don’t Bring It to Work”, I discuss the 13 most common behavior patterns that show up in the workplace. Now, I would like to add the specific ways that are gender driven.
When men are under stress and exhaustion, there is a tendency to stimulate the brain to stay present to the situation at hand. Think about the last meeting you had and if there were any males in the room either clicking a pen, tapping a foot, drumming on the table or maybe even humming under their breath.
These are ways that the male brain says “pay attention and stay with the situation at hand”.
I learned about this phenomenon when consulting with a company whose senior team was furious with their boss. They found him to be, well, bossy. He was like a marine drill sergeant always demanding and belittling when what he wanted didn’t happen the way he wanted. You know the type.
In any case, it was time to tell the truth and become a more cohesive team. I knew we were making progress by the amount of time the CEO spent clicking his pen in the meetings. As the situation bended and morphed into one of more compatibility, the clicking was less intense.
Okay, now you know about the male brain under stress or exhaustion: click, tap, drum, hum. Tomorrow I’ll tackle the female brain.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Book, Business, Communication, Don't Bring It to Work, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, pattern aware, Patterns, Psychology, Relationships, Sylvia Lafair, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Advice, Books, Business, Character, Communication, Consulting, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Meetings, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology, Relationships, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Thursday, September 29th, 2011
Sean Penn, a great Academy Award winning actor is also a passionate activist. I spent time mulling over a statement he made while I was catching up on the news on the plane coming from Las Vegas. I was riveted watching a program about what a democracy requires.
“Democracy is no democracy without participation” was an important quote from Sean Penn. I sat thinking about leadership and what it takes for leaders to activate our participatory neurons. Plane rides are great places to zone out and also to have quiet time to think.
My reverie brought me back to sixth grade where I was elected the Vice President of our class. “What do I do?” I queried. “Not much” was the reply from the President. He made sure to inform me that HE would be in the limelight and I would simply be there, well, in case he got sick or there was something boring he did not want to participate in.
It was a time before “the girls” took strong stands. I looked at dear Bill and smiled, “I guess I’ll take my cues from you.” “Yeah, good idea” was his reply.
Even at the age of twelve the conditioning to let others dictate behavior, what is and is not allowed, what can and can’t be done is deep. And I was one of the question askers, one of the GUTSY ones.
It did not take long before I started to create some waves at school. “Why” I asked our teacher did the President have all the power and I, the Vice President had none? (Do you think Joe Biden asks this also?).
I got little from my teacher who just wanted us to “behave”. I was told that was just the way things were and to accept things as they were. What was so perfect was that Bill became majorly annoying in school and before I knew it there were rumblings of impeachment. That would mean I would be President. Sounded good to me!
Now, as I look back I think about what a major learning time that could have been for all of us twelve-year-old kids. Instead, the teacher called a meeting of the “rabble rousers” and told them you cannot impeach a President for liking his job and for showing off. We did not have a leg to stand on and thus the delight about impeachment soon faded away.
What also faded away was our fascination with power, personalities, and politics. Most of us became uninvolved and the school year ended with little learning about how to really participate in a democracy. What we learned was what so many of us took into the workplace, which is how to behave properly and be politically correct.
Tags: democracy, democracy is no democracy without participation, Leadership, Power, Sean Penn
Posted in Business, Character, Conflict, Leadership, Management, Politics, Power | No Comments »
Thursday, September 1st, 2011
This past week has been a powerful teaching week in the northeast. While the results of Hurricane Irene were less than the Armageddon that was potentially painted for us, it was still, really bad, and expensive.
My interest has been in watching the reactions of those in leadership positions, both in the community and in businesses that were put in harm’s way. Most leaders I spoke with waxed elegant and gracious, always starting with the relief that there was limited loss of life and that the rest of the losses were replaceable.
There was certainly a call to action in preparedness and while some few have dissed those they see as over cautious, it was definitely the right thing to do. We have no way of ever knowing what twists and turns Mother Nature will take at the last moment.
Now, let’s turn to what loss of power really means. We lost power at The Country Place retreat and Conference Center. A group was planning to rent this beautiful place for the week-end and rightfully decided to stay put with their families; team building could wait for another calmer week end.
My husband Herb and I came back from a conference in Knoxville Tennessee, a day late and tired. We found no running water, no food we could retrieve from the refrigerator, no lights, no flushing toilets. I must admit, it was rather romantic to eat cold soup from a can by candlelight. Well, maybe romantic is pushing it; it was well, different.
As we sat in the flickering glow of the candles we chatted about our Leadership in Action programs, the journeys to Peru, hiking the Inca Trail, camping by a mosquito laden lagoon in Brazil, sleeping in rain drenched tents at Chaco Canyon in New Mexico and how much we learned when there was no outer power to distract us.
For me, it was the next morning that was really “powerful”. I could not follow my morning addiction of getting right on the computer. Even my cell phone had no juice. So, we did what we used to do pre computer; we sat quietly and meditated longer than usual.
While I was certainly glad when the lights came on and the motors of air conditioners and refrigerators began to whirl, I must admit, there was a tinge of sadness about leaving the comfort of the darkness and quiet.
For every advance we have we also give something up.
Sometimes it is just good to go back and remember what seemed to be simpler days and nights.
Tags: Addiction, Brazil, Chaco Canyon, comfort, Conference Center, Hurricane Irene, Inca Trail, Knoxville, Leadership in action, neccessities, New Mexico, Peru, Power, Tennessee, The Country Place
Posted in Business, Character, Collaboration, Fear, Leadership | No Comments »
Thursday, August 11th, 2011
The following is a beautiful article about Gloria Steinem and a tribute to all the women who saw a better way. Think about your capacity to be a visionary and what you are willing to do to make the world a more fulfilling and healthy place.
Gloria Steinem: Looking Back and Moving Forward
By Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, Contributor for Huffington Post
Watching HBO’S fascinating new documentary, Gloria: In Her Own Words, I felt overwhelmed. Not that I did not know Gloria’s story. I did. But as I watched her evolve from a journalist forced to cover patterned pantyhose to an activist demanding equality for women, the simple truth struck me over and over again: my life is better because of Gloria Steinem.
This realization may be a disappointment to Gloria, who makes it clear in the film that she’s not looking for thanks. She even quotes another feminist icon, Susan B. Anthony, who declared, “Our job is not to make young women grateful. It is to make them ungrateful so they keep going.”
And in large part, she succeeded. I and many women of my generation take for granted so many of the opportunities that Gloria and many women of her generation had to demand. Entering the workforce as a journalist in the mid-50s, Gloria describes an environment where “there were no words for sexual harassment. It was just called life.”
The modern women’s liberation movement that Gloria sparked fought for equal rights and fair treatment, reproductive rights and control over our own bodies, and basic respect. She also worked tirelessly to extend that support to others in need, including the gay community and minorities of all kinds from all over the globe. Viewing herself as more persuader than crusader, she launched Ms. Magazine in July 1972 to amplify her voice. It was — and still is — a voice of justice and reason set apart from many other feminists by her preternatural
Midwest calm and disarming sense of humor. One of my favorite things about the documentary is all the footage of Gloria laughing and dancing. For all of the hostility and insults and even cruelty she suffered, she also experienced great success, great friendships, great loves and great joy.
It is that joy which permeates this documentary — a celebration of a woman who is smart and determined and warm and honest and funny and sexy and cool. At 77, Gloria remains all those things as well as modest. At a Q&A after a screening, she insisted, “If I’d been hit by a Mack truck, the woman’s movement would have still happened.” I am not sure that this is right, but it is certainly a gracious and generous thing to say.
So watch the movie, cheer Gloria’s triumphs and then get inspired. Because the fight’s not over and Gloria’s not looking back. “The point is we go forward,” she says. “We’re nowhere near where we need to be.”
That’s true. We still haven’t achieved the goal of real equality for women in the workplace and men in the home. Women continue to need protection not only globally where many women lack basic civil and human rights, but also here where the most dangerous place for an American woman is still shockingly in her home. We’re currently 70th on the list of nations for electing women to our national legislature and in 44 years, we’ve closed the pay gap by only 19 cents. We can — we must — do better.
And how do we move forward? In the documentary, Gloria offers the following advice to young women. “Listen to the voice inside you and follow that,” she says, adding “The primary thing is not that they know who I am, but that they know who they are.”
Let’s take her advice and move forward with the same determination and with a sense of humor as well. And let’s also take a moment — just a moment — to thank her. Because whether Gloria likes it or not, we are extremely grateful.
Gloria: In Her Own Words premieres Monday, August 15th at 9 PM on HBO and is produced by Peter Kunhardt and Sheila Nevins, directed by Peter Kunhardt, editing and graphic design by Phillip Schopper; original music by Michael Bacon. For HBO: supervising producer, Jacqueline Glover. For Kunhardt McGee Productions: executive producer, Dyllan McGee.
Tags: Celebration of Women, Dignity, Facebook, Gloria Steinem, HBO, Huffington Post, Leadership, Peter Kunhardt, Women Revolution, Women Rights
Posted in Character, Diversity, History, Honor, Leadership, Women in the workplace, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011
I talked about Ernest Shackleton in “Don’t Bring It to Work” as an example of an emotional explorer who shows the power of resilience. The following post gives all the powerful details, enjoy.
Leadership Lessons from Ernest Shackleton
by Brett & Kate McKay
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In September of 1914, Anglo-Irish explorer Ernest Shackleton set out on the Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition with the goal of being the first man to traverse the Antarctic continent. Aboard what would become his aptly-named ship, the Endurance, he and 27 men set sail for the South Pole. But along the way, the ship became trapped in ice, setting off a series of events that would lead him away from his original goal and yet test him as a man and enshrine him as a hero far more than the attainment of it would have. While he did not complete the transcontinental journey he had hoped for, he brought back all 27 of his men alive, a feat of magnificent leadership without parallel.
How did he do it? Shackleton’s leadership abilities were myriad, but today we will focus on the two most vital: his resilience and service.
A Leader Must Be Supremely Resilient
Resiliency involves both the hardihood and courage to take on risks and challenges, and the ability to bounce back from difficulties and disappointments. Shackleton would face hardships that almost defy belief, and it was his iron-clad resilience that allowed he and his men to survive.
The story of the Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition is the story of surging optimism met with crushing defeat manifested over and over and over again. That the former never failed Shackleton, and the latter never broke him, is truly what brought his men through to the other side.
Numerous times, Shackleton and his men felt incredibly hopeful that a goal was in sight and things were turning their way, only to have these hopes utterly dashed:

The Endurance trapped in ice.
- The Endurance gets stuck in the ice floes before reaching Vahsel Bay, where the expedition across Antarctica was to begin. But Shackleton is still hopeful that if they wait until the ice melts in the spring, they’ll be able to continue the journey.
- But after months trapped in ice, the pressure from the shifting floes twists and breaks the ships; it slowly fills with water and Shackleton must issue the order to abandon the vessel. The men must now camp on the ice floe.

The men attempt to pull the boats across the ice floes.
- Shackleton is hopeful that the men and dogs can pull the supplies and boats across the ice floes until they reach open water, at which point they can set sail for Paulet Island, 346 miles to the northwest. He leads the party, breaking the trail and trying to smooth the pressure ridges with a shovel and pick. But the wet snow soaks the men’s tents and sleeping bags and slows progress considerably. After only making it two miles in two days of marching, the plan is abandoned. The men will have to remain camped on a barren sheet of ice, where they must be careful that the ice does not crack and the killer whales do not rise to the surface and tip them into the freezing waters.
- After 2 months camped on the ice, Shackleton decides to attempt another march. The men once more leave in high spirits, but again, the progress is so painfully slow that the expedition is quickly abandoned. The men will have to camp for four more months as their icy home drifts for hundreds of miles, their lives completely at the mercy of nature. At
one point, the coast of Antarctica comes within sight, but the way is blocked by ice, and Shackleton is forced to slowly slide away from his goal.
- After almost six months of living on ice, it finally melts sufficiently for the boats to be launched. The men set off for Elephant Island, which is only 30 miles away. After an arduous day of sailing, Shackleton feels hopeful they are almost there. But when their position is checked, they find they are now 60 miles from their destination—the current has carried them off course.

En route to Elephant Island the men first tried camping on ice floes, but this was abandoned when one cracked open as the men slept, tearing a tent apart and dropping its inhabitant,
still inside his sleeping bag, into the icy waters. Shackleton, ever vigilant about the safety of his men, had sensed something was wrong, and was right on the scene, immediately fishing the man out.
- For seven days, Shackleton and his men row and sail in small, open boats upon the stormy seas. Blocks of ice threaten their path. Rain and snow squalls soak them though. Snow showers dust them in white. The sun is absent for 17 hours a day, and the temperatures dip below zero in the dark. Sleep comes only in tiny, involuntary snatches, and the men are
completely exhausted. On the fourth day of the journey, the water supply runs out and the men grow so dehydrated they cannot eat. Elephant Island is spotted, but as they pull close, a strong gale prevents them from landing. For two days they can see their goal but not approach it.
- When the men finally make land, they dance along the “beach” and let the pebbles dribble through their hands. Despite the fact this was “an inhospitable place, devoid of any vegetation, covered with glaciers and swept by ice laden surges of the South Atlantic Ocean,” the men are overjoyed; this is the first time they’ve been on solid land in 497
days. But Shackleton realizes that their landing spot is too open to wind and waves, and the men must get back in the boats and move another 7 miles around the island.
- The men make camp and are greatly relieved, believing they will be able to spend the winter on the island and be picked up by whalers in the spring. But Shackleton realizes there will not be enough food on the island to last that long; he must break the news to the men and get back in the boat to sail another 800 miles to the whaling stations on
the island of South Georgia.

The launch of the 22-foot James Caird from Elephant Island, the boat that would carry Shackleton 800 miles on the open sea to South Georgia.
- Shackleton chooses five men to accompany him, loads a boat with a month’s supply of rations, and takes off to their last hope of salvation. South Georgia was only a tiny speck of an island, and with the smallest mistake in navigation, the men would be swept out into the Atlantic Ocean, where the nearest land was thousands of miles away. For 16 days, the men are battered by waves and wind, fierce gales, and the constant spray of freezing ocean water, which chills them to the very marrow of their bones. Water makes its way into nearly every nook in the boat, including their moldering sleeping bags, and has to be continually pumped and bailed out by hand. The men cannot stand or sit up straight, and with the ship violently pitching back and forth, they must crawl over the stones serving as ballast to move from one part of the boat to another. Their bodies grow sore and bruised; exposure leaves their mouths cracked and swollen. As the men near the island, water rations grow low and have to be cut; desperate dehydration sets in. Land is spotted on the 14th day, but there is nowhere safe to put in. The drinking water is now completely gone. A hurricane-force gale rocks and floods the boat. The men feel the end is near. But the next
day they finally find a bay in which to put in.

The small boat encountered 80-foot waves.
- But the men’s journey is far from over. They find themselves on the opposite side of the island from the whaling stations. Shackleton decides to make an overland journey to reach them, an expedition never before attempted, and one that would take the men over steep snow-slopes and glaciers, jagged mountain peaks, and impassable cliffs. But first
another delay—bad weather keeps the men from starting the march for ten days, an anxiety-filled time as their thoughts continually turn to the men left on Elephant Island.

The island of South Georgia was beautiful and forbidding.
- When the march begins, Shackleton as always breaks the trail for the other men, trudging through soft, knee-deep snow and across fields of ice. Without flashlights, the darkness hides the deadly crevasses until they are just upon them. Several times the men grow hopeful that they are almost there, only to realize they have gone the wrong way, forcing them to gloomily retrace their steps. For 36 sleepless hours the men march in search of the whaling stations, stopping only for meals.
- Finally, Shackleton reaches the first signs of civilization he has seen in a year and a half. And still, the setbacks are not over. Shackleton is desperate to rescue the men on Elephant Island as quickly as possible. He makes three attempts to retrieve them, but each time the ship is forced to turn back because ice blocks the way. It takes a fourth ship and four months until Shackleton makes it back to Elephant Island, but he is greeted with the most rewarding sight of all: all 22 of the men he had left behind, alive, waving from the beach.
Hope. Progress. Crushing setback. Hope. Progress. Crushing setback. This was Shackleton’s reality for a year and a half. Such a string of endless disappointments might have made a lesser man want to curl up and die. But not Shackleton. Although he had moments where the weight of the situation sat heavily upon his shoulders, he would always shake off the gloom and resiliently move forward once more; his manly spirit could not be defeated.
This was true from his first setback to his last.
While the Endurance was trapped in ice, the ship’s captain, Frank Arthur Worsley, said of the man everyone called “The Boss:”
“Shackleton’s spirits were wonderfully irrepressible considering the heartbreaking reverses he has had to put up with and the frustration of all his hopes for this year at least. One would think he had never a care on his mind & he is the life & soul of half the skylarking and fooling in the ship.”
No matter what befell him, Shackleton remained of good cheer and always found reasons to laugh. Even on the soul-crushing boat ride to South Georgia, Worsley remembered him laughing. And on the arduous 36 hour hike to the whaling stations, Shackleton could still earnestly say, “laughter was in our hearts.”
And here is the mark of a real leader: the worse things got, the more cool and collected Shackleton became. Worsley remembered that Shackleton could sometimes be irritable when the going was good and he could afford it, “but never when things were going badly and we were up against it.”
How did Shackleton maintain his resilience amidst trials that would have made other men crumble? He concentrated not on the things that couldn’t be altered and weren’t under his control, but on what he could do.
After the Endurance sank, Worsley remembered that Shackleton was:
“bitterly disappointed, as sorely grieved as I was myself, and he let me get a glimpse of his mind when he said, sadly, one day: “It looks as though we shan’t cross the Antarctic Continent after all.” He paused, and then squaring his shoulders, added cheerfully, ‘It’s a pity, but that cannot be helped. It is the men that we have to think about.’”
And for the rest of the journey, that is essentially all he focused on, finding his strength in a service and a cause greater than his own ambitions.
To read the rest of this amazing story click here.
Tags: Dockers, Don't Bring It to Work, Elephant Island, Ernest Shackleton, Journey, Leadership, Men, Power, Resilience, South Georgia
Posted in Character, Fear, Leadership | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
Watching this amazing woman return to Congress during these contentious and dreary days of haggling sent a beam of light through the room where the polarization seems to never end.
Her blond hair is darkened and cut short; she is extremely thin and with minimal make-up, yet, beautiful in her simplicity. She is a walking miracle.
I can only wonder what her presence means to those she has worked with. I watched the replay of her waving and nodding and for a few moments attempted to walk in her shoes. I began to wonder if I would be capable of the tedious climb she has maneuvered and continues since that gruesome day in Tucson so many months ago.
Gifford is a model of tenacity. Nancy Pelosi pointed to the recuperating lady and said she is a model for our daughters. I concur. Yet, there are others. We sadly still seem to put the celebrity of those who make noise for no reason front and center. The Snookies and Gosselins of reality television are there. How many mothers can point to the meaningless characters on the reality shows and then point to our daughters and say “not on my watch?”
We need to keep people of courage and dignity front and center as models for our young. Who would you put there with Congresswoman Gifford?
Tags: CEO Inc., Congresswoman, Creative Energy Options, Gabby Gifford, Gifford, Gosselin, Leadership, leadership development, Leadership in action, meaningless characters on reality tv, Nancy Pelosi, Politics, reality television, Snooki, Sylvia Lafair, Tuscon shooting
Posted in Character, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, Politics, Total Leaders, Will Power, Women in the workplace, Young Leaders | No Comments »
Wednesday, July 27th, 2011
This is a real post by a real human being who is able to tell the truth and look at himself honestly, warts and all. We need more leaders like Steve Tobak writing about what really matters. Enjoy and I hope you find time to do the getting past burnout exercise I share at the end of his article.
How to Achieve More by Doing Less
By Steve Tobak, Contributor for BNET
It’s summer, the skies are blue, the birds are chirping, the bees are buzzing, it’s absolutely beautiful, at least in this part of the world. So what’s wrong with this picture? I’m miserable, that’s what wrong.
What’s my beef? Well, about three months ago I was sitting on the couch, typing away, so engrossed in my writing that I didn’t realize the sun had gone down. It was pitch black. So I stood up – computer in hand- and headed toward a light switch.
That’s when it happened. My left foot hit something big and heavy and I went sprawling. It was an awkward fall because I didn’t want the PC to hit the floor and, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew the heavy object on the floor was a snoozing boxer and I didn’t want to fall on him, either.
Anyway, my foot bent in a way it wasn’t supposed to and I knew instantly that something bad had happened. Fortunately, the dog was fine. So was the computer. My foot, on the other hand, had a torn tendon. Long story short, it’s a really, really long healing process.
Not only that, but after a month, when I got the green light to walk again without the big black boot with all the Velcro straps, I reinjured the foot doing something I shouldn’t have been doing. And a month later, I did it again.
Now I’m getting ready to ditch the boot for the third time and I swear this has got to be the last time. Still, I’m miserable for a few reasons:
- I feel like a moron, not just for injuring myself in such a dumb way, but because I did it again and again because I’m too impatient to just relax and heal.
- I’m missing a whole season of chores that need to get done. It’s not like anyone else is going to do them, so they’re all just piling up, waiting for me to get better.
- I’m compulsive, neurotic, with maybe a touch of ADD, and the only thing that keeps me sane is running or some equally exhausting form of exercise, which I haven’t done in months. So technically, I’m pretty nuts right now.
And you know what’s even worse than all that? I’m writing this because I feel sorry for myself. Not that I want sympathy. I’m sort of past that, and I think my wife is, too. Now, when I complain, she just rolls her eyes. She probably thinks I’m an idiot just like I do.
So I tell myself this is therapy when, in reality, I’m just giving into the whiny child that lives inside me and can’t wait to get out and tell embarrassing stories about me to complete strangers who actually have better things to do with their precious time.
But hey, now that it’s over and done and none of us will ever get this time back again, maybe I can put this in perspective so we can actually get something useful out of it. Here are 3 lessons I Learned From 3 Miserable Months:
- Every animal knows that, to survive, it’s sometimes best to do nothing. It’s the same for people. So contemplate, meditate, hibernate, vegetate, whatever -ate you’re into, do that. And keep doing it until you’re healthy and it’s safe to get out and about again.
- We always say don’t sweat the small stuff and health and family are the only things that matter. That’s true. But what’s also true is that really driven people -
including many of you and me too – never seem to let up or cut ourselves some slack. That only makes things worse. Learn to forgive yourself.
- It’s okay to let the whiny child out from time to time, provided he’s not too out of control, agrees to get back inside your head after a
while, and doesn’t act out on your boss or your spouse. Speaking of which, I’m relatively sure my wife is plotting to kill me in my sleep.
Can you blame her?
So I guess the bottom line is that, by letting go, giving in, and occasionally doing nothing, you can actually get back on your feet quicker and, ultimately, achieve more. Who knew?
My Comment to the above article:
Great story Steve. You have a way of hitting that proverbial nail smack on the head. I have found that the best way to avoid burnout is to roam, yup roam. That’s a combination of “do nothing” and “do something”. It goes like this: get in the car and at each street say to your self “left or right” and just make that turn. Do this for, oh maybe half hour and wherever you end up find a place to have a cup of coffee or some ice cream, or just sit and look around. It’s a fun way to clear your mind.
And about the whiny kid inside: my hypothesis in “Don’t Bring It to Work” is that when stress hits the hot button we all revert to patterns from childhood that were there to get us through the day. We all have a variation of your whiny kid inside and accepting that is vital for good emotional health.
Thanks for your honesty and good humor.
Tags: BNET, Inner Child, Leadership, Meditation, Steve Tobak
Posted in Advice, Character, Fear, Health | No Comments »
Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
If you haven’t seen the movie “Inception” grab a copy, make sure you are not disturbed and let your mind go. I mean really just watch without too much thinking. You can analyze afterwards and go on line to see all the different points of view about what this film is really talking about.
In my Total Leadership Connections program, in the second session (of four) there is a process called Sankofa Mapping where business professionals have an opportunity to look at your life from both a present time view as well as a longitudinal view; going back through the generations to see what formed you.
In “Inception” there is a fabulously wealthy young man involved with a family business who sees himself as a disappointment to his father. Not so unusual when children grow up to follow in the footsteps of their successful parents.
The multilayered ideas in the film are simply fabulous for a discussion about how parents impact their children and how businesses can be shaped by family dynamics. We are seeing this in real life, living color with the Rupert Murdoch scandal that is rocking the media world right now.
Murdock is not that different from the dad in “Inception”; a power broker who has a huge amount of say in his vast business ventures. This drama is still being diagnosed and will be fascinating to understand as time goes on.
Back to “Inception”; I’d love to hear your ideas and will respond with what I thought was the most brilliant part when you connect with me.
I love using films and books to underline leadership issues. It has the drama and the depth for us to look at ourselves and indirection helps to anchor new ideas into our psyches.
Tags: CEO Inc., Creative Energy Options, family dynamics, follwing footsteps of parents, Inception, Rupery Murdoch Scandal, Sankofa Mapping, Sylvia Lafair, TLC, Total Leadership Connections
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