Archive for January, 2010
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
We all hear each other, can’t help that. Even when we put our fingers in our ears, much of the sound bleeds through. It’s easier to close our eyes and block out the view. With sound, it is much more difficult.
When a leader is making a point and wants what he or she is saying to register in another person’s brain, the most important thing to do is check out what is said – often what is said is not always what we really hear. Let me repeat………Often we say things thinking we have gotten through to others, and they stare at us blankly. The sounds went in, not the meaning.
To get your point across, you must be consistent, clear, and credible. Listen up! To get your point across you must be, let me say it again — consistent… clear… and……….. credible.
Now let me take what I said even deeper. Research by the Pritchard Group indicates that to really, and I mean really, really prove your point, you need to repeat what you have said eight times. Yes, that is correct EIGHTtimes.
When you repeat concepts with consistent words and actions eight times, your chances of getting key points across increase exponentially. You see, repeating what you want heard eight times gives your nervous system time to fire the neurons in a repetitious way.
Now, most of you never heard of Hebb’s Law, yet it will help you right now. Hebb was a neuroscientist who came up with a great sound bite. He did this in an era when sound bites were uncommon, and so he was a real pioneer in science and in marketing. His law states that “neurons that fire together wire together”.
If he were alive today, he would encourage you to repeat your important statements eight times. My guess is that Hebb would also suggest that when you repeat your statements eight times, you need to be along with consistent, clear and credible. And, he would assure you that by the time you get to your eighth repetition, you will be known as a consistent, clear and credible leader.
This really works. Today we would call it pattern repetition. And what we want to do is reinforce healthy patterns like: courage, collaboration, and cooperation. That’s what we do in our Total Leadership Connections program (repeat this last paragraph seven more times please!)
Now it’s time for a pop quiz:
To be a leader who is seen as consistent, clear, and credible, how many times should you repeat your statements to drive a concept home? Mail your answer to me at www.sylvialafair.com and get a surprise prize…..or maybe eight!
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Hearing each other, Leadership, leadership programs, Listening, Repititions, Team Building, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Education, Employers, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Trust, leadership development | 1 Comment »
Friday, January 22nd, 2010
The saga o
f John Edwards is more tragic than it is disgusting. Here is a man who has lied and lied, not just to the world, but most importantly, to himself. And my big question is why we, as a nation, are so gullible? Why did we take so long to see his charade?
Were there aspects of his tendency to cover the truth when he was running for President of the United States? He always posed with such a pretty face and spoke such pretty words. I remember having an annoying feeling in my gut that all was not right with his world and yet, and yet….it takes determination and a capacity for tenacity to even become a contender for the White House crown. He had credentials and had been vetted by his colleagues, deemed worthy of the job.
The day I knew he was down in the dirt of it was when he visited his “past relationship” late at night and on his way out was caught by a reporter and made a dash to run and hide. That made me cringe, thinking about how he would have handled a major international crisis.
Now, I can only hope he finds a way to make peace with all of his relationships: his ill wife, his children with her, his “mistress”, and the love-child they brought into the world.
This type of situation goes deeply into the psyches of the next generation, and the next. In our Total Leadership Connections program, participants are asked to chart their family history – to learn what patterns of the past have influenced their present thinking and behavior. It is an eye opening process that helps leaders become clear about what “baggage” they carry into their important jobs.
Perhaps all captains of industry, all leaders of organizations, all who are in positions of power for the public good need to take the time to do what we have named the “Sankofa Map”. The term Sankofa is from Ghana, from its mythology and means “clear the past to free the present”.
The wisdom of older cultures is that they took into account the behaviors of ancestors. There was a sense that what was done would impact both present and future generations. These concepts might serve us well in this day of instant gratification and power paradigms.
For John Edwards, Elizabeth, et al., I can only hope that there is a period of honesty and truth telling that can begin the long, arduous process of clearing the past to free the present.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Business, Communication, Consulting, Emotions, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, History, John Edwards, Leaders, Leadership, Media, neuropsychology, Neuroscience, pattern aware, Patterns, Sankofa
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Honor, Leaders, Leadership, Marital coaching, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Political distrust, Politics, Power, Psychology, The media, Transformation, Trust | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
Recently Jeff Zucker, President and CEO of General Electric Co’s NBC Universal Entertainment, told PBS interviewer Charlie Rose: “It’s the sign of a leader to step up and say you know when something’s not working, and have the guts to reverse it”.
By the end of the interview, it was questionable whether Zucker, like Conan O’Brien, would be fired. That is the way we work. Take risks, win and get the equivalent of an Oscar. Lose, and get the boot!
Is there a better way? Can there be a middle ground where what is learned when risk- taking fails gets dissected, and gives those in the loop a chance to reform their thoughts and actions in a more positive way?
What is so often the case is that the “loser” is so busy defending what has happened and is feeling the heatwaves of being under constant attack, there is no time to learn from what has been going on.
As a culture, we are so addicted to winning, and accept that as the only way. We lose, yes – lose both sight of the value of the down side of risk taking, as well as the human cost of defending, explaining and justifying behavior.
Jeff Zucker may be in a stagnant time in his career. He may be used up in his CEO role. On the other hand, he may well be in a fertile time of learning from the mess and come up with some real and juicy ideas that will get NBC out of the doldrums. If he is fired, he will lose and so will whoever replaces him. There is always backlash where the pendulum often swings to the opposite side. Thus, conservative, risk adverse individuals often follow the risk takers and progress is paralyzed.
So, NBC, a paraphrase from the song “Give peace a chance”, think about it and “Give Jeff a chance”.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Economy, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family-Based Patterns, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, pattern aware, Politics, Power, Stress, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Super Achiever, Team Building, The media, leadership development | No Comments »
Friday, January 8th, 2010
I saw an article in The Citizen-Times.com, Ashville North Carolina that struck a cord with me. Michael Steele, chairman of the Republican National Committee, in promoting his book, referred to Native Americans as “injuns”.
How many times have racial slurs slipped into a talk and ignored? When do we all stop and say “No more!”? Why is there still a propensity to put down groups of people, to make them seem less than?
In my work with cultural sensitivity and diversity, I teach that it comes from a deep, dark place in individuals and in groups. It is a safety device attempting to ward off the threat of “others”. “If they are not like me, they must be a danger to me.”
This kind of thinking lives in the older parts of the social brain and has caused wars and constant disaffection among people.
“Injun”, is no different than “kike”, “spic”, “dago”, “nigger”, or “gook” - it is intended to target a person or group of people, and make them seem unimportant, insignificant. It is a method of making those who use these terms to feel powerful and in control, and makes those who once felt like victims become victimizers. This is sadly, a common psychological mechanism that needs much more exploration, not just in personal matters, of physical or sexual abuse, but also in cultural abuse.
In her article, B. Lynne Harlan, a member of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians, raises the vital question: “When are we going to hold our leaders to a higher standard”?
This is a key discussion point for all programs: Be they MBA’s, leadership development, executive education, conflict resolution, team building, corporate governance, and the like.
It is time for all of us to look at the crusted, corroded arrogance and dissention that lives in our personal psyches and begin to clean up the inner pollution that causes as much damage as the toxins caused by machines in our external environment.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Economy, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family-Based Patterns, Health, History, Leaders, Leadership, Media, neuropsychology, Neuroscience, Patterns, Power, Relationships, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Health, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, The media, leadership development | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
If you are an executive leader, human resource professional, management consultant, or emerging high potential manager, it is vital for you to understand what goes on inside the heads and hearts of employees to help them become the best they can be. That is your golden globe or Oscar – to help people into excellence.
The more you know how your words and actions impact others, the better you can be at directing a situation to a positive end point. Take for example, the almost universal craving for chocolate. Godiva has made a fortune from knowing how to package this desire into beautifully crafted candy. You can take the newest knowledge from neuroscience and do the same.
Did you ever wonder if we have a “chocolate gene” hidden somewhere in our biology? Actually the answer is in the limbic system of the brain. One study by Matthew Lieberman and Golnaz Tabibnia indicated that people were more positive when a dollar was split fairly giving each individual 50 cents than when they received $8 and another person received $17 out of a $25 bounty. Interesting, more money was not the issue, it was one of fairness. Other studies have indicated that the same feeling of satisfaction that we get from chocolate occurs when we are treated fairly.
How does that affect you at work? If you are the CEO of a company and you treat your senior team fairly, there will be a satisfaction factor beyond bonuses and appreciation awards. If you are a project manager and you are really careful not to “play favorites”, you will find there is more cooperation and also more creative problem solving.
Many of the HR issues that cause feverish sweats in companies are due to the fairness factor. People are often willing to fight ‘to the death’ when they feel they have been treated unfairly. Most class-action suits are fairness based. They cost huge amounts of goodwill, along with the money.
Think about how your actions impact the social brain and the limbic system where threat and hostility are activated. Then stop and decide how you can handle a situation in a more even handed way. It’s like giving chocolate to a baby!
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Communication, Conflict, Cooperation and teamwork, Diversity, Economy, Education, Emotions, Employee appreciation, Employee recognition, Ethics, Executive Teams, Fair treatment, Leadership, Matthew Lieberman and Golnaz Tabibnia, Psychology, Team Building, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Employee burnout, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Fear, Health, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, Transformation, Women in the workplace, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »
Monday, January 4th, 2010
Hope your holidays brought you gobs of joy and heaps of happiness. Did you also get the “stuff” you had hoped for? I have been asking lots of folks the question about how this holiday season differed from past ones where there seemed to be an endless pitcher pouring out the material things money can buy.
Most of the people I talked with, in airport lounges, in restaurants, at parties, were receptive to answering a few pointed questions. While not a scientifically researched survey, there were some patters of responses that were telling.
A majority of my random samples said they had a quieter holiday time between Christmas and New Year’s Day, than in the past. They gave as much, only less frivolous things, and they almost all said that what they received was appreciated more than usual because they knew it was not so easy to find the cash to buy things.
Perhaps the up side of this recession is deeper appreciation. If so, then it has served a good purpose. Many told me they had their youngsters make cards and bake cookies as a way of giving without it breaking the bank.
This all reminded me of the Shania Twain song “Ka-Ching” that has been a representation of our love affair with money that perhaps has lost its luster. Think about the words as you make decisions for this New Year, which should be open to infinite possibilities besides grappling for more and more money.
We live in a greedy little world–
that teaches every little boy and girl
To earn as much as they can possibly–
then turn around and
Spend it foolishly
We’ve created us a credit card mess
We spend the money that we don’t possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all
So it’s shoppin’ every Sunday at the mall
All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store
Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
It’s such a beautiful thing–Ka-ching!
Lots of diamond rings
The happiness it brings
You’ll live like a king
With lots of money and things
When you’re broke go and get a loan
Take out another mortgage on your home
Consolidate so you can afford
To go and spend some more when
you get bored
All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store
Let’s swing
Dig deeper in your pocket
Oh, yeah, ha
Come on I know you’ve got it
Dig deeper in your wallet
Oh
All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store
Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
You’ll live like a king
With lots of money and things
Ka-ching!
Let’s make this year one of substance and caring, rather than merely one of more bling and kachink!
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Bling, Ethics, Greed, Ka-Ching, Living beyond our means, New Year resolutions, Relationships, Shania Twain
Posted in Accountability, Business, Economy, Education, Ethics, Health, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, PatternAware, The media, leadership development | No Comments »