Archive for June, 2009
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
Jim Collins in his oft-quoted book “Good to Great” has leaders make sure that those on the bus are also in the right seats. Sage advice. Then it is time for the action to start in earnest.
It is the interactions of these folks that lead to results-oriented processes and organizational innovation. The big question is “How do you track the interactions of individuals as they work together”?
This is where leadership coaching and effective communication often fall short. What is obvious is not always what is truly going on. Picture an iceberg. As the captain of the Titanic sadly found out “what you see is not only what you get”!
High level leadership coaching requires an ability to decode the secret language of relationships that, if not handled, causes untold interpersonal friction. This is more than good people in perfect job placement. It is about the patterns we bring to the workplace from our original organization, the family that get played out even in the board room (just think Hewlett Packard).
Mastering the most important part of the business day, where leadership coaching is critical, beyond creative, visionary, and passionate leadership skills is having a deep understanding of what goes on at the underside of the iceberg where all relationships reside.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Consulting, Executive Teams, family patterns, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Transformation
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Monday, June 29th, 2009
How many more “family values” based politicians will make the news about affairs this season? It is interesting that the latest, Governor Sanford had his press “mea culpa” conference sans wife by his side. He needs to do this alone and it will be interesting to see what he can learn from his philandering.
The news around him is familiar. The talk shows have experts tell why he did what he did and what he should now do differently. Experts who write about narcissism call him a narcissist. Experts who don’t believe in divorce talk about the devastation for the children. Experts who focus on politics dissect his career possibilities.
I would like to offer another point of view about the complex sides of all of us labeled human beings. It is time to bring the “shadow” side of who we are into the light. I have no idea what went on in the Governor’s personal relationship with his wife. That is for them to untangle. I don’t know how his relationship with his sons has evolved. That is for them to dialogue.
What I do know is that when we crusade about a cause, any cause, without being able to look at all sides there is a tendency to fall into the pit of the opposite and take on the energy of what we are so against.
The good Governor was a strong advocate of family values and a vocal judge of those who have “gone astray”. Now, he will have an opportunity to learn from personal experience, or at least one hopes he will learn about what it feels like to be “the other”.
Hopefully this will make him a more caring, deeper individual able to see all sides of the equation in the future. Perhaps this is his best leadership development training and rather than merely judge the man we can send him our best caring wishes that he will tackle his shadow side and be able to bring more light to this complex world of ours.
Tags: Accountability, Business, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Ethics, Governor Sanford, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, Media, Patterns, Politics, Stress, Transformation
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Friday, June 26th, 2009
My first thought hearing of Michael Jackson’s sudden and untimely death was “What about his children”? I know the shock of losing a parent suddenly. My father died of a heart attack when I was fourteen. One evening my parents went to dinner and a movie. The next day we were planning a funeral. There were no headlines surrounding our family. We mourned quietly.
Not so for the children of Michael. He was an international icon. We watched him grow up. The bright shiny penny of a kid grew into a complex and mysterious man. We see the media releases, the tabloids, the books, the gossipy stories. How can we ever know the inner life of another human? Who was Michael Jackson?
His talent was obvious; he was “The King of Pop”. What else can his children hold dear as they make sense out of their famous father? It will be up to them to find the nuggets of truth that will help them shape their own destiny. Youngsters who grow up with celebrity parents have double difficulties sifting through the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful that is their inheritance.
It’s not about the money and the fame. It’s about essence, the core of what is left behind. The big question for his kids will be to find the strong part of their father so they can stand on his shoulders.
In an interview Michael once commented that the song “Childhood” was an autobiographical statement. I went back to scan the lyrics. It says so much “It’s been my fate to compensate for the childhood I’ve never known…..Before you judge me try hard to love me for the childhood I’ve never known”.
Thanks, Michael for your talent, desire for excellence, and willingness to forge new paths in music. Thanks for writing, along with Lionel Ritchie, “We Are the World”. Your children have so much good to take as they create their own lives.
Not to judge, just to love!
Tags: Accountability, Business, Communication, Conflict, Ethics, family patterns, Fear, Health, Leadership, Media, Money, Power, Transformation
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Thursday, June 25th, 2009
Our 40th “Total Leadership Connections“, (TLC) program is in session and it is comforting to see certain aspects of executive education that lead to organizational innovation do not change. Human universals remain the same over time. Searching for essential values and beliefs are at the core of TLC.
We are honored to have two participants in this program who are Members of Parliament from Ghana. They have traveled from West Africa to gain leadership tools and leadership tips to take back to their country.
My husband Herb and I had the pleasure of spending time in Ghana with a third Member of Parliament who is now a facilitator-in-training. Catherine Afeku is a brilliant young woman who has a passion for the possible. When she completed TLC several years ago her dream was to bring leadership development to her country.
We immediately connected when I told her we do a process called “Sankofa Mapping” in our program. “Sankofa” she exclaimed with pride in her voice, “that is a word from Ghana”. I had come across a film by that name in the 1990’s and was taken with its meaning, “Clear the past to free the present”.
Our leadership program is based on the essence of the word Sankofa. We believe that leading effectively, finding coaching solutions, increasing interpersonal awareness all come from observing, understanding, and transforming patterns from the past.
What a wise culture in Ghana to have one word that says so much.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Consulting, Education, Executive Teams, History, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, Power, Sankofa, Team Building, Transformation
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Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
The debate over born or bred leaders is always one of interest. The answer is yes and yes. Many are born into families that encourage self-awareness and interpersonal skills. Others learn leadership adaptability through the ebb and flow of life happenings.
Leadership behavior thrives when it is tended to. One key area that is critical is the ability to literally “practice organizational change”. We all have a propensity to greet change in one of four main ways. When we can observe ourselves and learn to understand the impact change has on us we can decide if our change style preference is a benefit or a detriment and make some adjustments.
Leadership practices require consistent education to unlock leadership potential. Here is the formula; when stress is high we all go to what is familiar and has helped us out of tough situations in the past. These may not be the most effective communication methods; they are simply the most comfortable:
*Flooding: the tendency to say the same things over and over, getting louder and louder; a “Chicken Little” mindset that the sky is falling, so upsets are forgotten.
*Deflecting: changing the conversation to anything insignificant so that the tensions around change can be diverted to minor problems.
*Indulging: spending time on details that don’t really make all that much difference so that real issues are swept under the rug.
*Compartmentalizing: only seeing one or two parts of a situation so that the tensions are diminished and only small parts of the problem get handled.
Once these underlying behavioral tendencies are addressed there is an opportunity to master new attitudes. Effective leadership requires that behaviors which undermine organizational change due to underlying fear be addressed. Then and only then, can the potential for organizational innovation replace the stagnation of keeping old patterns of responding in vogue.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Transformation
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Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
My daughter called with a sense of over the top frustration in her voice. “Mom, I can’t do it anymore” she declared.
“Do what”? I asked warily.
She then went on to question the validity of having kids. I listened and listened and listened. What I wanted to do was soothe her tired bones. I wanted to tell her that we all go through those days, that her two young children were adorable, and so on.
And then I moved from my mom role to that of mentor. I waited till the emotions had emptied and then I asked probing questions. My need to teach was secondary. I used all the mentoring skills I had and talked with her as if we were in an executive education program.
Her answers helped her find a new balance point. Here are the questions I asked:
*What happened right at the moment you decided you couldn’t ”do it” anymore?
*What did you do right after you began to melt down?
*What can you do to master new attitudes?
*How do you remember your mother handling frustration when you were young?
*How can I help?
These questions are of value for any situation when stress hits the hot button. All effective communication requires lots and lots of questions and less explaining and justifying. Leadership coaching belongs at home as well as at work. We are all meant to help each other hone our interpersonal awareness and interpersonal skills.
The next day at work I sat in a professional development meeting with a young man who was on the verge of a melt down. I listened and listened and when the emotion finally emptied I asked him the five questions above.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Education, Fear, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Stress
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Monday, June 22nd, 2009
President Obama in his usual eloquent way certainly made a case for fathers being available to their kids. It was his larger gift for families on Father’s Day. I would just like to add another thought. When we take the responsibility to bring children onto the planet it is at best a two party arrangement. Kids not only need their mothers and fathers, they need to learn about relationships by watching these two people interact with each other.
It is time we really look at these vital interactions of individuals and the impact it has on the future. Even before we talk about father’s availability we need to drill down to what we are teaching youngsters about being parents, handling conflict, and celebrating successes.
Having worked with all manner of family constellations for years I am sure of only two things. The two people who are our original source play a vital role in who we become. Even those who are adopted have a strong sense of their inherited roots. Next, the patterns from one generation to the next are powerful forces in our lives.
I do believe it would be great to rethink single parent households and issues such as ‘octomom’. Often children are born only to fulfill the needs of the adults in a narcissistic, self centered way. I wonder what it would be like if kids had the opportunity to grow up with two parents who could talk together and negotiate the complexities of life with each other. No, I am not against divorce. Nor do I want to see us return to the superficial nonsense of “Leave it to Beaver” days. It is time for us to explore and understand the deeper aspects of relationships. And that means all of us.
So, my question is, what do we need to teach our young people about relationships, about connections, about interactions so that we can bring babies into this world that are loved, respected and have the best of both mom and dad?
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Education, Ethics, family patterns, Leadership, Obama, pattern aware, Transformation
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Friday, June 19th, 2009
When my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” began its journey in March I had no idea how it would be received or if it would be seen as “beautiful”. You know how it is with kids, you just hope and pray and love them, and you never know.
So when friends and family told me it was “wonderful” I thanked them and waited for the neighbors to check in. Also, great comments of appreciation. Then the strangers started to email and some even called. With baited breath I waited. And while most said words of appreciation there were the few who said “Eh”!
What was fascinating was not the “Eh”. It was me watching my response to “Eh”. I thought I had transformed the pattern of super achiever, the one who has to be best of class all the time. Yet, I began to question some of my book decisions. Maybe if I had…..I should have included….Why did I put that there instead of here…..
I found myself doing all the super achiever perfectionist dances I could think of and the chatter in my mind was ceaseless. That lasted for a few days and I must admit it was exhausting. Then I sat myself down and had a stern conversation.
I dialed down the super achiever lurking behind my best practices as a creative collaborator. I acknowledged that I got caught in the power these patterns from our families hold on us. The “Eh” actually helped me become more compassionate toward myself and everyone out there who needs to be the best at the expense of truly living the moments of life fully.
Soon my mind went to “Aha” and by evening I was even able to get to “Ahhhh” and let in the beauty the world offers us every day if we just look.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Conflict, Fear, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Stress, Super Achiever, Transformation
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Thursday, June 18th, 2009
In my research I have been looking at the essence of how managers become leaders. Granted, not all want to go from management development settings into leadership development. Being a leader is more rigorous, more personally demanding than managing.
Leaders are required to be more transparent and the one aspect that separates the weaker from the stronger is the ability to say clearly what one means and do what one says. In effect, leaders who want to hone their skills must learn the art and craft of truth telling.
We live in a culture where telling the truth is a very “iffy” thing. Think of all the political leaders who “tell” the truth about family values and talk a good game about how to live a life. Within the past week another Senator let his shadow side show through. John Ensign, Senator from Nevada, admitted to an affair and did his mea culpa for the press. Yet, this is the same man who spent gobs of Senate time castigating Clinton during the Lewinsky era. Did he not know he was merely repeating a pattern of the seduction of power? How many times have constituents been disappointed when actions and words are misaligned?
Now, I am not suggesting we tar and feather every leader who falls from a pedestal. What I am suggesting is that leadership training programs should help individuals look more deeply into the responsibilities of words and actions. We need to offer leadership courses starting from middle school through college, MBA and PhD programs, and then continue with leadership coaching in business settings.
Telling the truth is a hallmark of great leadership. Telling the truth is not spilling your guts. It is a disciplined and responsible way of constructing one’s life. We need leaders who can model alignment and integrity. It’s what the world needs now.
Tags: Accountability, Coaching, Communication, Consulting, Ethics, John Ensign, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, Patterns
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Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
This morning we watched a U-tube video about the speed of transformation in the technology sector of our lives. For most of the educators in the room this was a re-run, it has made the internet rounds over the last few months. For all of us, however, it still left us breathless.
Change at the speed of light is here for sure. Yet, as we sat and looked at what is needed in this very high paced world, what we really want to offer to our youngsters, K thru 12, what was missing from the video, was the human factor.
And that is what this caring and competent team of school administrators began to tussle with. There is a need for leadership development training at all levels, and that includes the kids, teachers, parents, administrators, school board, and community. There is a need for heightened understanding of conflict resolution skills at every level. There is a need to understand how systems operate and that we are all connected and impact each other.
What became clear as we facilitated the meeting is the power of alignment and the willingness to tell the truth so that the team cannot be split into warring factions. This does not push aside the importance of disagreeing, nor the tension inherent in disputes. It means talking about concerns in front of each other and not leaving what really matters for behind closed doors.
What this team came to experience and understand is the power of being united; united around the willingness to speak up, take a stand, listen to others, challenge old assumptions, and continue to talk with each other until clarity is gained.
If a senior leadership team can talk truth with each other it shows in the entire organization. In this case, everyone benefits. It is one thing to talk about trust. It is of a higher order to live it and that is what these individuals who care so deeply about the children, the leaders of tomorrow are doing, teaching by modeling.
Tags: Accountability, Add new tag, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Education, Executive Teams, Leadership, leadership programs, Team Building, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
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