Archive for May, 2009
Friday, May 29th, 2009
Stereotypes have a staccato feel to them; short, sharp and often deadly words that leave little room for exploring who or what is underneath. The other day I was researching how the media represents office life. Is it boring and silly? Is it fear driven and illness inducing? Is it a place of creativity and growth?
The usual few books, TV shows and movies kept coming up. Office Space, The Office, Mad Men, Executive Suite, Glengarry Glen Ross, 9 to 5, Gentlemen’s Agreement, Jerry Maguire, Wall Street, The Devil Wears Prada, and a few newer novels, Then We Came to the End, and Personal Days: A Novel.
Missing as I looked over the list, are modern day stories of transformation, of deep personal and organizational growth that could be models from which to learn. We rely on stereotypes to make sense out of the world. Bosses are bullies, techies are nerds, HR is petty, direct reports are demons, and on and on.
We blame, attack and judge. And then how do we change? How do we grow? What focus is important for leadership development? It is so much easier to scapegoat than look at our own behavior and how we are contributing to what is happening. I wish scapegoating really worked. It would make life so much easier.
In Biblical times the high priest would place his hand upon a goat’s head and transfer the sins of the community to the goat, which was then released into the desert where it would inevitably die. Then everyone would go back to business as usual until it was time to grab another goat. A pattern developed and tumbled from one generation to the next. Instead of goats we became scapegoats for each other.
Maybe this difficult economy is giving us the opportunity to look at our own present patterns of behavior, to become pattern aware, and by doing so we can stop the stereotyping, stop looking for “goats” to carry our responsibilities, and find real solutions as we become more real with each other.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Conflict, Ethics, Leadership, pattern aware, Transformation
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Thursday, May 28th, 2009
I want to do light hearted blogs that can give inspiration and motivation. Yet, every time I go in that direction something pushes me elsewhere. I want to tell managers that you can build your kick ass team by standing in a huddle and chanting “yes, yes, yes” or “yoh, yoh, yoh”. I want it to be easy and simple. Except I know that we are complex, multi-layered beings and we have many competing sides to ourselves that we need to harness.
I want to tell leaders that all they need to do is get the communications department to write uplifting, visionary speeches they can give at annual meetings or town halls and everyone will fall into line. I want leadership development to be an easy cook book of check lists. I want everyone to always be on the same page, sing from the same hymnal. Except I know that for every employee who agrees with you there is someone to take the other side.
My grown children often say “Hey, mom, this time can we just be superficial and insignificant”? And much as I want to fulfill their request I end up talking about elephants and gorillas in the middle of the room, any room be it my own, or corporate, or government.
So I was relieved to see that Michael Haneke won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival. He won for a film, “The White Ribbon” with themes of communal guilt and distrust among residents of a German town as World War I. It is a film I await to see and learn from, about the forces of complicity. His other films, also powerful include “The Piano Teacher” and “Funny Games”. None are light hearted nor fun. They are however, filled with enough substance for dialogue about whom we are as human beings and how we behave in relationships.
Maybe, just maybe, as a culture we are finally preparing to tackle the underneath issues of how we got ourselves into the economic and environmental mess we are in. Maybe enough executives are ready look more closely at what it takes to lead and what constitutes an effective team. Maybe we can, as we teach in our Pattern Aware Programs, learn from the past to free the present.
Maybe films like “The White Ribbon” which also won France’s Education Ministry Prize and is recommended to teachers across the country as study material is a pointer in the direction of serious probing to understand who we are and how we got to be the way we are.
I am reminded of a quote I credit to Shirley MacLaine I heard years ago, “While wallowing in a vat of hot fudge, one calls out for a piece of celery” Let’s hear it for celery!
Tags: Accountability, Business, Coaching, Communication, Leadership, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, programs, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
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Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
Yesterday we spent time with friends who have their pulse on the media. They are a gregarious couple with tons of varied interests. They are also filled with depth. At one point our conversation moved to the world of Twitter and collectively we wondered about the purpose of the quick little glances it gives into the lives of others.
Almost in chorus we looked at each other and said “What is the point?” If anyone reading this blog has a good answer we would all love to hear it.
Our discussion continued. And then we went to watch a video of our friend giving the commencement speech at Temple University last week. This very erudite and caring man talked to the graduating students from his heart. He challenged them to stay purposeful during these tough economic times. He guided them to express respect when he asked them to stand and acknowledge their parents and their teachers for helping them to this place of caps and gowns.
He has a strong sense of history and a strong sense of the underlying fact that we are all here to do better, to do our best, to help each other do better, to help each other do their best. There were a few times when the gravity of commencing, of beginning the next phase of life made his voice just a bit wobbly.
By the end he called for this graduating class to be life learners, to never stop questioning, never stop searching for the truth. This friend, Tyler Mathisen was the editor of Money Magazine and is now the managing editor of CNBC business news. He has stellar credentials as a journalist. More importantly, he has the courage to ask the deeper questions that many shy away from. He asks what it would take to shatter the numbness of the superficial way we have learned to live. He ponders how we can find a new relationship with money and with ourselves around money.
I can only hope he writes his book soon. Our world is starving for the kind of substance he provides.
Tags: Accountability, Communication, Economy, Education, Fear, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Stress
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Friday, May 22nd, 2009
When Danny stood at the grave site of his brother he was angry and still in shock. Neil had been a victim of a stray bullet. No he was not in uniform fighting for his country. He was a teen walking down the street in Chicago three months ago.
Alexa’s father cannot forgive. His daughter was killed by a drunk driver last year. The ugly crash that took his seven year old child’s life happened over Memorial weekend.
John and Jenny stand together in prayer at church. Her father will not meet his grandson soon to be born. The economic downturn was too much and a suicide note told the story of fear and depression.
Yes, Memorial Day is to remember those who have been our protectors during times of war. Yes, it is so important for us to remember, remember and honor.
It can also be a day for all of us to take a collective moment and honor all the dead that bring gentle tears and deep sighs to each of us. It is a day when we can permit ourselves to touch the emotions so often buried deep inside. Releasing our hidden emotions of grief, anger, and sadness can help us begin to open a place for a more creative expression of our pain.
So let us honor those who have fallen in battle. They deserve our respect. And, we can also remember all others near and dear who are no longer walking with us. One way to make this day special is to do one simple act of kindness. Tell someone you care. Write a poem and post it on the internet. Bring a friend a single rose. Smile and tell a stranger to have a good day. Plant a tree.
Maybe the best way forward is to remember with kindness. Maybe if enough of us “kill with kindness” we can begin the long, winding road to a more compassionate society, one where wars will no longer have a place. A potent thought to imagine.
Tags: Conflict, Holiday, Honor, Leadership
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Thursday, May 21st, 2009
I want to talk more about my friend at Google, Chade-Meng Tan. When we first met and he greeted me with his bright smile I suspected he was certainly intelligent (everyone who works at Google is), and creative (everyone who works at Google is) and action oriented (everyone…you get the point).
What struck me as we spent the afternoon together was his keen sense of humor and his capacity to look beyond the obvious to what really matters in relationships. Here is what I mean.
There is a wall called “Meng’s Wall” in one of the Google buildings. On the wall are pictures of Meng with…Barack Obama, George Bush, Bill Clinton, Tom Brokaw, Madeleine Albright, Robin Williams, Jane Fonda, the Dalai Lama, and on and on.
I was curious. What did it mean to Meng to have his picture with so many dignitaries and celebrities? I asked him to tell me who impressed him and why. He picked out several and with the swiftness of an expert surgeon went to the core of each person and the contribution they made. He was respectful yet real. He was able to use a few precise sentences to talk about the legacy of the person peering down from that vast wall of photographs. What we do and what we leave behind we agreed, makes each of us vital to the whole of humanity.
At the end of our time together we stood arms linked, smiling into a camera. I’m a bit nervous to ask Meng what he thought of me!
Tags: Business, Google, Leadership, Power, Workplace Relationships
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Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
I was invited to Google last week and by the time I left I felt, well, full of “good google” energy. I’m sure most of you know about the campus which reflects an authentic desire to be sustainable. Solar panels, organic food, and limited use of air conditioning prevail. There are places to congregate and talk, play volleyball, or quiet areas to sit alone and just be.
What impressed me the most, however, were the discussion groups and lectures going that you could just pull up a chair and join. And then there was my host, Chade-Meng Tan. As he tells it, he is “just one engineer among many”.
Meng is so much more than that. He is a visionary who has an important dream. His dream is to encourage creativity, harness competitiveness, and increase compassion. He has spear headed the development of many programs to help Googlers grow as human beings on all levels, emotional, mental, physical, and in his words, “beyond the self”.
What I learned is that this company is investing in every employee to be his or her best. What I know through my research is that this type of investment pays for itself ten fold. When people are relaxed and open, when they can become insightful and authentic, performance is enhanced and conflicts are handled quickly and easily.
Meng and I talked about the power of patterns, those behaviors that repeat and repeat, especially when stress is elevated. We discussed the impact of becoming pattern aware as a way to get “beyond the self”.
Google is always on the cutting edge and shows us a futuristic model of what every workplace can become when it invests in the health and welfare of its employees.
Thank you, Meng, for being “just one engineer among many”. Thank you for having a big dream and a big heart. And thank you Google leaders for leading change to what a workplace is meant to be.
Tags: Accountability, Business, Collaboration, Google, Leadership, pattern aware, Team Building, Workplace Relationships
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Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
“It was so cold for May that I went to the mall to do a power walk. And then I realized I have no power so I went home.”
I have heard variations of this comment at least ten times a day in recent weeks. So, what can be done? Losing a job is like a death. The emotional stages from denial through anger to bargaining and eventually acceptance are in play.
Most of us see ourselves mainly through our work. “Hi” we say to each other. “Who are you”? And we introduce ourselves as a pharmacist, accountant, headhunter, or circus clown.
We have been defined and dominated by a lifestyle to which we have become accustomed. The bumper sticker “He who has the most toys wins” is embedded in our culture. The answer to “Do you want to be a millionaire?” has been a resounding “Yes”!
It may be that the economic stress of today can help us think through whom we are and how we perceive ourselves. Perhaps the concept of power a la Bernie Madoff, et al has reached its peak.
We are in a complex and uncomfortable time of realizing that our society with its value of growth, waste, and competition is inherently unstable. We can all begin to reassess, which inevitably happens when there is a job loss and economic fear, and question what really matters.
So, those who have been downsized, let go, given a pink slip, relieved of your position, go for your power walk. As you walk search inside for a nugget of strength. It is there and you can find it. You are not your job. You will not starve to death. Use this time to gain greater inner understanding, seek simpler and more harmonious ways to live. Then take action. Dig a garden, write a poem, take a class, or volunteer at a senior center. Keep seeking your personal power. It trumps positional power every time.
Tags: Accountability, Conflict, Economy, Ethics, Fear, Health, Leadership, Power
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Monday, May 18th, 2009
Yesterday I flew from San Francisco to Newark. No big deal. I am used to lots of zipping around the place. Yet, I felt myself becoming more and more afraid that either I would not get to the airport on time (I did), the plane would be delayed (it wasn’t), or some disaster would strike me in my tracks (it didn’t).
I’m usually not a fearful person. I love adventure and drama so I tend to plunge into situations looking for a great after story to tell. Then why the fear? I thought about it for those long hours on the plane.
We are living through a tough time where talk about security and survival is on everyone’s lips. Is there enough? Will there be enough in the future? What do I do if I lose everything? What do I do if they want to take what I have?
There is a virus in the air, the virus of fear and impending doom. Then I realized, “Duh! “Don’t Bring It to Work”. My book, that’s what this is all about. When anxiety heats up, so do we. I thought about what is infecting all of us. When we become anxious and afraid we all go back to childhood fears. Right now we are living with the terror of being abandoned, of starving to death, of being captured by the witch, or eaten by the monster.
So I sat and revisited my childhood. I realized that a family story was stuck in a dark corner of my memory. It was about my father losing his job and how my parents had to watch every penny to get through that time. Funny thing is that happened before I was even born. By the time I arrived life was better and pennies went into my piggy bank. Even so, their past upset was registered in my brain.
Today’s fears are big and I don’t want to minimize them. Yet, if we look hard enough we can see witches and monsters coming out of dark corners. This can limit our capacity to find creative solutions. Therefore, it is a time to be vigilant and not let old stories make us even more worried. We need to dig for the old memories, bring them out of their hiding places and put them directly into the light.
See that tree branch over there? At dusk it sure looked like a python ready to pounce. Didn’t matter that I know pythons don’t live in this part of the world. Look again, whew; it really is just a tree branch!
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Conflict, Economy, Fear, Leadership, Psychology
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Thursday, May 14th, 2009
In his book “Good to Great” Jim Collins gives great advice. Getting the right people on the bus called “My company” or “my team at work” is right on. Making sure they are all in the right seats for that rock ‘em, sock ‘em ride to success is even better.
So why do I get calls from so many executives wringing their hands over poor hiring decisions? Why do so many of you lose sleep at night thinking about the power games and office politics that are often a part of most re-orgs? If the right folks are in the right seats on the bus going in the right direction, well, what is missing?
The answer is you. No, the fault is not you. It is that a clearer understanding of how your work system, actually, how any system operates can make the teachings from Collins book even more effective. Here are three suggestions that will help:
1) Get to know yourself better, even better that you do. Find out what and who presses your buttons to the point of annoyance and upset. One aspect to consider is that the original organization you joined, we all joined is the family. The behavior reactions you learned there are carried to the workplace. So, look back to your childhood home for clues to your part in patterns that get in the way of optimum success at work.
2) Begin to observe the behavior of co-workers. Notice when folks at work become highly stressed there is a natural tendency to return to childhood behavior that was meant for survival. So, if someone is acting “like a baby” you’re right. This is a time to be compassionate and offer a kind ear or at least suggest a time of respite so there is time to exhale and gather more mature and effective coping skills.
3) Ask questions that will help others find the core of discomfort, power games, and office politics. Here is a suggestion. When you talk with a colleague under stress and they talk about the pressures of the task at hand, simply listen and then say “Tell me more”. And then just listen, listen without adding suggestions, advice, critique, or judgment. More than likely you will get deeper reasons for the tension and anxiety. It is not your job to solve the problems of another. It is, however, all of our jobs to be resources to each other when times are tough and tension is high.
Then the bus will move smoothly. This is what we teach in Total Leadership Connections, that everyone will feel more connected and know that “We are all in it together and no one wins unless we all do”!
Tags: Add new tag, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Communication, Conflict, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Leadership, pattern aware, Team Building, Workplace Relationships
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Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
You know how it goes. You think about someone, wonder what’s going on in his or her life, plan to email or call and then think about it again right before you fall asleep. By next morning it is a faded memory.
So, I must admit, I didn’t catch up with Lily until many months had passed. I felt a tinge of guilt as I speed dialed her number and wondered what kind of response I would get. You see Lily had graduated from our Total Leadership Connections program and had made a commitment to herself that she would only work in an environment with the highest ethical standards. Sadly, there had been some questions about the marketing of products in her company.
And then three months ago she had called me and said, “If I believe in what I have learned at TLC, really believe in the basic ideas that are the core of the program, I have to talk with my boss and if there is no change in policy I think I will have to leave.”
Now, it is one thing to make this kind of statement in a booming economy, however, her field is specialized and downsizing was the word on the street. She did not hesitate. Pushback in the form of “you are misinterpreting what we are saying” fell on Lily’s disillusioned ears.
She handed in her resignation with a large mortgage in the background and as a single mom two mouths to feed. She found some interim consulting work. Then a hard hit, she was denied unemployment compensation because she “disagreed with company policy”. That made her blood boil. And yet, lots of consulting came in and she was earning more money than ever in her life.
Now, as I caught up with Lily, a rainy day in Northeast Pa. took on an extra sheen. She is happier than she has ever been in a work setting. She is working with folks who have high ethical standards. She’s making such good money it even affords her time to volunteer on some heart felt nursing home projects.
Every time I watch someone jump from one trapeze to the next and make a life choice based on integrity and accountability there is that split second of breathlessness. It is when you let go of one pair of hands and have not yet grasped the pair waiting for you. And then there is the miracle of trusting that the new pair of hands will be there, strong and steady. They always are. It’s still amazing to me!
Tags: Accountability, Business, Conflict, Consulting, Economy, Ethics, Fear, Leadership, pattern aware, Transformation
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