Archive for the ‘Avoider’ Category

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Are You an Open Book?

Monday, June 14th, 2010

There is a fascinating debate in most companies about transparency. How open should you be? It sounds so good, doesn’t it? And yet…..

How much openness is enough? Open to what, to whom? When do you close the valve of self disclosure? What are the ramifications of bringing up the curtain on your inner life?

The discussion, part of a Total Leadership Connections session, went late into the night. Here is how it started:

We had finished the powerful second session of the four part program, the time when everyone has the opportunity to answer the pivotal question “What formed you? What are the patterns that were handed from generation to generation that you have carried into your life, both at home and a work?

No one is required to reveal anything. It is an individual decision what to say or not say. Yet this is one of the few times that a program is set for business people to look at the patterns they learned in their original organization, the family and how those patterns were transferred to their present work organization. The level of “aha’s” is astounding.

Okay, so the formal presentations were over and it was time to unwind and chat. One thing, as they say, led to another, and one of the participants turned to a colleague and said “Remember when I mentioned that my brother has been an outcast in our family? Until you talked about your sister who was the black sheep and how you decided to find her and bring her back into the fold I never thought about doing anything to help. I have been embarrassed and really never talk about her. It’s private and painful.”

They continued until a plan was formed to call the same private detective and begin a search. The intention was set; the plan would wait till the morning. Neither man had ever realized that the pain of a discounted family member had landed right in their work settings. They talked about how each had become a denier; when there were deep conflicts at work, the principle way it was handled was to get rid of the “problem” and make sure that everyone stayed happy and job focused. No one ever talked about the emotional undertow of someone who was fired or downsized. It was business as usual, as if the person who left had never existed; just like in their families.

The next day they sat together and called the detective. A search would begin for the missing brother.

Life, as we know, is always more intriguing that fiction. At a lunch break when folks were checking computers and phones, the lost brother surfaced. No need for detectives. It was as if the intention to reconnect was enough. These kinds of synchronises happen when we are ready and willing for change to happen. They make differences for us in all aspects of our lives, at home and at work.

The key to leadership is not about being open or closed, as much as it is about the where, when and how. I suggest that it is all in the timing.

Leaders need a safe place to explore what pushes their buttons and what to do about it. They need to connect the dots of how home and work lives connect. They need to factor in the emotional with the rational.

The best advice I can give is to find a safe program to get under the obvious of leadership and peel the layers away. You never know who or what you can find and have a happy ending.

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Posted in Advice, Avoider, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Character, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Employers, Ethics, Family Conflict, Fear, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Trust, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »

Leadership Strategies and Signs of Distress

Friday, May 28th, 2010

One of our Total Leadership Connections groups did an inventive skit about what they had learned in the four session program. They took turns, one hand on “Don’t Bring It to Work”, other over their heart, swearing not to bring their most disconcerting behavior patterns to work.

One had to own the victim pattern; he was always the one who felt that no matter what happened, it was his fault. Another was a procrastinator, mostly late with his projects, and another was the martyr who felt she did everyone else’s work and was always exhausted.

The skit was filled with whimsy and great insights into what had been learned, about the benefits of self awareness, and accountability of behavior. This group of individuals has excellent careers ahead of them. They have done the hard work of peeling back the layers of ingrained behaviors that travel with us from childhood, and if not looked at and transformed, go with us to the grave.

In most companies there are no processes in place to look at the office politics that cause so much distress and strife, the workplace conflicts that boil and bubble from day to day, so much wasted time and lost productivity when there is a need to play “CYA” day in and day out.

What are the signs of distress that can be warnings that patterns are getting bigger and bigger and are in the way of productive work getting done? Here is what to look for:

1. Behavior repetition: coming in late day after day for example

2. Language repetition: telling same story of upset day after day

3. “Tattle-telling” about co-workers behavior

4. Offering “secrets” to you and only you

 5. Continuous miscommunication; “I never said that”  

Please remember, employees bring who they were until now into the workplace. They come to work with all the baggage of their previous work relationships and the issues from their original organization, the family.

The more we can become aware of our patterns the more we can tame and transform them. The more we stay the same, repeating what we learned as children for our own survival needs the more we create atmospheres of mistrust and lack of productivity.

Give your employees; give yourself the gift of growth. Learn the way OUT to observe your patterns and begin the change process. Understand where the patterns began and change is long lasting and deep. Transform the patterns and become a leader who inspires others to also take the risk of growth.

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Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Family Conflict, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, PatternAware, Patterns, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »

Fed’s Bernanke: Money ‘By Itself’ Doesn’t Buy Happiness

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

I found this very good article on Ecreditdaily.com on Bernanke’s commencement address at the University of South Carolina.  Please read and note my comments; I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Fed Chairman Ben BernankeIt was not your typical speech by the Federal Reserve chairman; then again, this was a commencement address at the University of South Carolina in Columbia, about a two-hour drive from Dillon, where Ben Bernanke spent much of his childhood.

The Fed chief’s address focused on happiness, and reaffirmed some age-old parental advice: money isn’t everything.

Bernanke didn’t entirely abandon economics, however, as he referenced studies measuring contentment and income.

“Although today most Americans surveyed will tell you they are happy with their lives, the fraction of those who say that they are happy is not any higher than it was 40 years ago, when average incomes in the United States were considerably lower and few could even imagine developments like mobile phones or the Internet,” Bernanke said, referring to a study years ago by economist Richard Easterlin.

The economist, Bernanke told graduates, found that once you “get above a basic sustenance level–on average, people in rich countries don’t report being all that much happier than people in lower-income countries.”

For example, he said, Americans have reported similar levels of happiness as do Costa Ricans, who have about one-quarter the per capita income.

Other studies have contradicted that notion and contend that richer countries heighten happiness through higher levels of technology, infrastructure and healthcare.

So Bernanke took a stand somewhere in the middle ground.

“So I am going to continue under the assumption that, although wealth and income do contribute to happiness and life satisfaction, other factors must also be very important,” he said. “Or, as your parents always said, money doesn’t buy happiness. Well, an economist might reply, at least not by itself.”

He also said that happiness is often measured by the degree of human interaction, more so than the amount of material wealth. And that both psychologists and economists agree.

“Happy people tend to spend time with friends and family and put emphasis on social and community relationships,” Bernanke said. “We are social creatures. Research has demonstrated that happiness and life satisfaction are perhaps more closely related to participating meaningfully in a network of friends, family, and community than any other factor.”

My response:

Bernanke gave an important speech. As an economist, not a psychologist (which is my field) or a motivational guru, he stated what we know and tend to ignore. Money by itself truly has questionable value. It does seem high time that those in the financial realm begin to speak out. King Midas found out too late the limited benefits of having it all. Remember the children’s story? He was granted the wish to be the richest man in the world and everything he touched turned to gold, including his daughter who just wanted a hug.

Time we stop showing celebrities with hundreds of shoes and start to talk values with those getting ready to enter the work force before they become addicted to the false premise that more is better. At some point more, even oxygen, becomes toxic.

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Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Character, Collaboration, Communication, Community Relationships, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Economy, Ethics, Family Conflict, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Money, Stress, Workplace Relationships | 1 Comment »

HBR: Does Leadership Change in a Web 2.0 World

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

 

The “Wizard of Oz” keeps playing out in my mind as we constantly swirl into new, uncharted territory. If you haven’t seen “Wicked” it is an updated version with the back story of how the wicked witch got such a bad rap and why. How does this connect with leadership and technology? Mainly because we still need to address the human universals of what it means to relate to each other. So far, that really has not changed.

In this excellent article about Web 2.0 and leadership I was struck with the many comments that mostly pointed in the same direction; leaders need to be emotionally skilled. What we need are the action components of how to get there. “Don’t Bring It to Work” offers one part of the puzzle by helping leaders factor in behavior patterns from the past so they don’t muck up reactions in present time. We need to remember, technology is not the master unless we give our power away to it.

I’d love to hear how you have incorporated emotional awareness with technological skill. It is critical to learn from each other as we forge ahead into an amorphous future.

Does Leadership Change in a Web 2.0 World?

by: James A. Champy

I recently heard a retired general, a veteran of the Vietnam conflict, quoted as saying the only way he knew what was really happening was to be with his troops in the jungle. He was famously absent from staff meetings, wanting to be in the middle of the action.

I also recall attending a leadership course on the Gettysburg battlefield. During the battle that made those killing fields famous, there were no means of communications other than shouting over the din of mayhem. From hill to hill, station to station, no one knew what was happening.

Today, a general might take out her cell phone or more secure, sophisticated device to call the front lines — and if no one answers, she could tune into CNN to get the latest on what’s happening. A GPS system might also trace the progress of troops. But a smart general knows that there is no substitute for directly seeing and sensing what’s really happening on the front — even with the advent of the most sophisticated information technology and communications. And a brief physical presence always inspires the troops.

Like many executives, I use advanced technologies to manage and do my job. But I keep asking whether I’m a Luddite because my leadership style has not changed over the years, even though I’m “wired”. Without question, technology today enables leaders to communicate more broadly and quickly and to hear from many points of contact at one time. I can also effectively teleconference with people I know — but, as we have learned, remote communications don’t work well with people you don’t know. I have no doubt that I am a better leader because I am more current and knowledgeable thanks to technology. But I worry more that the world of web 2.0 — and what comes after — will distract, not add, from the skill of leaders, make them more, rather than less, remote.

Last week, I had lunch with the young CEO of an emerging company. He had come to seek my advice. He spent the first five minutes of our meeting reading messages on his PDA. Fortunately, there was someone else at the table with whom to talk. That made the meeting less awkward. Technology, in the hands of unskilled leaders, can create distance, and even a false sense of security. A person may believe that they are “connected”, but that connection may be superficial.

Of course, a very skilled communicator can reach and inspire thousands of people through electronic medium. The great televangelists come to mind. Now their messages can be propelled by Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook.

But leadership is not proselytizing. Real leadership requires relationships and personal engagement. Nothing I see in technology has yet to replace these qualities. I believe that technology will enable new business models, but not “new leadership”.

Jim Champy is a consultant and author. His newest book, Reengineering Healthcare, A Manifesto for Radically Rethinking Healthcare Delivery, will be released in June.

 

My Response:

“We aren’t in Kansas anymore” is so true in this complex tech world. Yet, it was still the basic universals of relationships that took Dorothy to transformed places in their lives. It was and is about courage, creativity, and heart felt collaboration.

Leadership requires a clearer, faster picture of behavior patternswe need to understand and manage. It is the perfect time to focus on becoming pattern aware, as anthropologist Gregory Bateson said, to look for the patterns that connect.

Willis Harman was instrumental in helping me put together, “Total Leadership Connections“, a program that has as a priority self awareness based on what we bring to our present work organization based on patterns we learned and still rely on from our original organization, the family. We then become emotionally skilled and can get better, more effect answers using logic and intuition as a connected force.

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Posted in Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Ethics, Executive Teams, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Patterns, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | 2 Comments »

Leading by Example

Monday, April 5th, 2010
Statue of Rip van Winkle

Statue of Rip van Winkle

We are all waking up from a long, deep sleep, the sleep of denial and avoidance. The internet has opened the way for us to be connected to what is “right leadership”. We all have the opportunity and responsibility to speak out against abuses that are, sadly as old as time. Yet, now, we can voice opinions that in the past were mostly thought and rarely spoken. And, if spoken were dangerous both personally and professionally.

I encourage everyone to read this response by Sister Maureen Paul Turlish to the article in USA Today “Is Catholic Church crisis about sex abuse – or leadership?” In the late 60’s I was a young psychologist who worked at Catholic Social Service in Pittsburgh, Pa. I was the only non Catholic on the staff and it gave me a powerful opportunity to learn about the tugs and pulls of what was possible to discuss and what was off limits about Church policy.

I know how important, yet difficult it is for those who have dedicated their lives to what they believe to speak out. This is, for me true leading by example and I want to acknowledge Sister Maureen Paul Turlish for her courage to speak out publically.

In an undernourished, yet obese society, her comments give us food for thought; they are part of what I see as a new health care movement that looks toward truth rather than denial or avoidance as a major part of prevention.

 

Sister Maureen Paul Turlish response:

WHERE DOES THE BUCK STOP?

In a recent press release from the Holy See, “concerning cases of the sexual abuse of minors in ecclesiastical institutions,” Director Fr. Frederico Lombardi repeats some of the more clichéd responses and predictable excuses to the church’s ever widening problems of sexual abuse, particularly the sexual abuse of minor children.

http://www.oecumene.radiovaticana.org/EN1/Articolo.asp?c=362995

Contrary to what Lombardi says in the press release from the Vatican, the institutional Roman Catholic Church has reacted to the continuing sexual abuse debacle neither rapidly nor decisively and the Vatican continues to distance itself from what has happened in country after country, first categorizing it as an “American problem,” then as a “homosexual problem” in the United States in 2002.

The church’s response continues to be reactive rather than proactive while minimizing the systemic and endemic abuse of power and authority which enabled and exacerbated it on the one hand while covering it up whenever and wherever possible on the other.

The “wide-ranging context” that Lombardi speaks of is that in countries from the United States, Canada, Australia and Ireland to Austria, the Netherlands and Germany, church authorities have repeatedly and consistently disregarded the institution’s own moral and Canon laws as well as the existing laws of the countries’ in which these horrific crimes against humanity took place.

The church has lost its way.

If church authorities had done the morally right thing initially, one wonders how many children would have escaped being sexually abused by a particular priest?

As Patrick Wall, a former priest himself, states:

“The Roman Catholic Church has the largest body of knowledge of non-incarcerated sexual offenders in the world.”

Who, one has to ask, would have more knowledge of the internal machinations utilized to cover-up and protect sexual predators from public scrutiny than Pope Benedict in his former position as Head of the Holy Office?

While attacks on any individual is regrettable and counter productive, the fact is that Pope Benedict XVI is at the helm of the Barque of Peter. His challenge is to see that current church policy agrees with his statements in something as significant as the recent pastoral letter to Ireland.

What was done by church leadership in the United States, for example, were actions they were forced to take by the pressure of public opinion after records, files and correspondence were forced into the public venue in 2002 by Judge Constance M. Sweeney, a very brave, grounded and principled Catholic woman of Boston, Massachusetts. As the facts show, the bishops of the United States at that time were forced to make the decisions they made even while powerful bishops resisted calls to accountability and transparency every step of the way.

Moreover, while Benedict has accepted two of the proffered resignations from the Irish bishops it is well to recall that not one bishop in the United States was removed from office because of his own complicity and collusion in covering up sexual abuse. Nor has anyone been forced to resign for violating then existing canon law, criminal law or civil law.

Bishops in the United States like Bernard Cardinal Law and his auxiliaries in Boston, who were shown to have been complicit in protecting known sexual predators, should have been removed from office, their resignations tendered instead of being rewarded with a plum position in Rome in the case of Law, or their own dioceses as has been the cases with complicit Boston auxiliary bishops.

Sadly there are also examples of state authorities making deals with bishops that avoided any kind of prosecution, even though some had to admit guilt to get the deal. In a shameless act of pure hubris, the bishops specifically chose not to hold themselves to the same standards of accountability they drew up for ordinary priests.

When are people of good will going to say, enough!

When are state legislators going to change the laws so that justice can be pursued for the thousands upon thousands of victims of childhood sexual abuse who have been unable to access let alone obtain justice?

In most states and probably in most countries, existing criminal as well as civil laws give more protection to sexual predators and their enablers then they do to victims of childhood sexual abuse by anyone. The problems with statutes of limitation which have expired are probably much the same in Germany and other European countries as they have been is in so many jurisdictions in the United States.

This is deplorable and should not be the case.

The removal of all statutes of limitation in regard to the sexual abuse of children is the single, most effective way to hold predators and enabling institutions accountable before the law. More than that, window legislation allows a set time frame for previously time barred cases of sexual abuse by anyone.

It is possible to change the laws in order to give some semblance of justice to those ravaged at so tender an age. What is needed to effect that change is the will to hold all sexual predators of children accountable along with any enabling individuals or institutions.

The state of Delaware is one of a very few number of states in the United States which has removed all criminal and civil statutes of limitation in regard to the sexual abuse of children by anyone. It also legislated a two year civil window for previously time barred cases, again, by anyone. That window closed in July of 2009. Delaware also has a civil registry for those judged responsible under civil statutes.

In a civil suit, unlike a criminal suit, the burden of proof that any sexual abuse took place is on the plaintiff. The burden is not on the accused individual or institution to prove innocence, at least not in the United States.

Every victim of childhood sexual abuse should have a right to the pursuit of justice at the very least!

What people seem to forget is that children’s rights are human rights, that children’s rights are civil rights and that the hierarchy, the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church, has violated those children’s rights in the most profane of ways, not only by covering up for sexual abusers, mostly priests, but also by enabling the further abuse of untold numbers of children by these particular individuals who were known to be dangerous predators.

If Delaware can do it other states and other countries should be able to do it as well, and hold sexual predators and any enabling institutions responsible, especially when those institutions choose to ignore their own internal laws.

I was privileged to testify before the Senate and House Judiciary Committees in support of the 2007 Child Victims Law in Delaware.

No rules and no laws of any religious organization or denomination should be allowed to trump the laws of a civilized society where the protection of children is concerned.

Not only should the institutional Roman Catholic Church be held to the highest standard as a signatory to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, it should be leading by example and showing what can and should be done to protect children from sexual exploitation, from what really is another example of trafficking in individuals for purposes of sexual exploitation, nothing less.

By any objective standard the church has grossly violated the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child for decades.

Is it time to formalize those violations as the crimes against humanity they truly are?

Sister Maureen Paul Turlish
Victims’ Advocate
New Castle, Delaware
maureenpaulturlish@yahoo.com

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Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Ethics, Fear, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Reflections, Trust | No Comments »

Leadership Strategies, Health Care and Obama’s Mandate

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

obama_healthcare1The historic health care bill passed the House and is headed for the Senate. It is of great importance since one of the major criteria for measuring the effectiveness of a society is how those who are sick are treated.

Having only a portion of the population feeling they are being tended properly when they become ill indicates patterns of avoidance. As citizens we are all entitled to get effective treatment and know we are part of a larger community that values each of us.

I believe that Obama’s determination to pass this bill is, in part, his obligation as President of our country. I also believe there is a personal desire to right a wrong done to his mother when she was dying from cancer and spent much of her day fighting with insurance companies to have her treatment covered.

There are so many horror stories of people who have either died because of lack of money for treatment or those who have spent their life savings or gone bankrupt because of health issues. Perhaps this historic time will be a change in direction for our country that has become so polarized that conflict resolution seems almost impossible.

And yet, while there are those who still posture and choose to stand in the way of progress, the majority of us can take a deep breath knowing that our society is better for moving from avoidance to becoming initiators of a new way. When the pattern of avoider moves to initiator stagnant old patterns are cast aside and the healthy winds of change have an opportunity to bring fresh ideas to blossom.

Obama and his colleagues who have worked relentlessly to overcome the obstacles and fears of old ways of thinking and helped our country face rather than continue to avoid the idea that “we are all in it together and no one wins unless we all do” are to be congratulated.

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Posted in Avoider, Collaboration, Communication, Fear, Health, History, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns, Politics | No Comments »

Relationships and Neuroscience – 3 Things to Know – Their Impact On You at Work!

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

Sometimes there is a frustrating moment when you are not sure what you see, hear, and feel is making sense to anyone but you. It is making you crazy. Are you the only one wondering what is going on in this meeting? Are  you are the only one sensing the tension and disconnect?

 Maybe, just maybe, it is not what is happening in the room at that exact time. Perhaps, it is a memory trace of a past event in your life, and there you are, in a sense, re-living it.

 The scientific term for this is called an engram. Here is an example: You are a toddler and the family is going to the beach for the first time. Everyone is excited about flying from land-locked Oklahoma to Florida.

 Your parents talk about swimming in the ocean, the warm blue water and the pretty white waves. You are old enough to know this will be special.

 Then you get to the beach and it is pouring rain. You stand with your family on the motel patio and sense the upset and annoyance.

 Now, fast-forward: you are a grown-up and you are taking your family to the beach. It is a sunny day and everything is working perfectly; except, you are depressed and sad. Do you feel as though you are crazy? Of course you do!

 Blame it on your brain. The old trace memory from long ago has kicked in, and while it is certainly possible to shake off the upset, you wonder why it happened in the first place.

 Many times we can go back and connect the dots of old memories; often we can’t. So, if your feelings are not connected to the situation of the moment, know it is an earlier pattern from the past at play.

 Remember:  1. You do bring your past with you whether you want to or not.
                           2. Every thought and situation is recorded in your  memory system.
                           3.  Present reactions may be knee-jerk responses to the past.

So, when the guy next to you in a meeting says something that presses your buttons non-stop, ask yourself if this is from what is actually happening in the present, or does he remind you of your older, know-it-all brother who used to drive you crazy?

You can learn more about patterns by going to www.sylvialafair.com and take the pattern aware test to see what drives you to distraction.

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Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Employers, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Transformation, Trust | No Comments »

Women Leadership and Change Management

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

 

This is a time for women to pat themselves on the back for all the successes that have come in the last 60 years. The role of women has changed dramatically, and it has been mostly a quiet revolution.

 
But there have been some loud bumps and bleeps along the way, like the angry wife who took action to cut off her husband’s private parts, rather than just wish she could. With the rash of cheaters now making the headlines that may be something to rethink instead of all the shame-faced public apologies. Scratch that, it was just a wandering thought!

 
Since, within the next several months women will become the majority of the workforce, and we know there is power in numbers, it is an important time to think about what we, both female and male, want to have as change initiative, moving forward.

 
I would like to underline the importance of a partnership model. Women and men need to talk in a new and more effective way. It is about how we connect and relate around the things that matter most – our relationships and how to be stewards for the future generations.

 
Not enough air time has been given to these priorities, and as a society I believe we are suffering and self- medicating through substances, sex, and shopping.

 
There is a new feminism (what about a new ‘malism’) that takes into account the differences in the way men and women are wired. We need to find a middle way that takes into account how male and female brains process information. Not good or bad, just DIFFERENT.

 
Even more importantly, we need to take into account the legacy we hand to the next generation. So far, we, and that means all of us, have not gotten high marks here. What are we teaching our kids about what it means to be a woman, a man, a business person, a citizen, a human being?

 
The workplace is the place where change can happen and happen quickly. It is the place that has changed the most in the past century. It is the place that women and men can begin a true dialogue and real partnership can occur.

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Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Executive Teams, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Marital coaching, Media, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, The media, Transformation, Trust, Uncategorized, Women in the workplace, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | 1 Comment »

Leadership and Too Much Happiness

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

We are living in an era of polarities. Our government is a house divided, not just by being Republicans and Democrats, but by taking extreme views on just about everything and then, as we all see, nothing happens. We are polarized, and we are stuck.

Same thing happens in the workplace when there is too much emphasis on only thinking about the positive. In an organization that leaves no room for dissent, we get a variation of the movie “Pleasantville” (if you haven’t seen it, it is worth the time).

There are ideas that if you focus only on the positive then, like magic, the genie will appear and you will get what you want. That is the premise of the book “The Secret” that has made millions for the authors and has done little for readers.

Recently I heard someone say “If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your definite plans”. There is a mystery to our lives, and part of joining into the essence of that mystery is to be real, and to accept the ebb and flow of life in its entirety.

What do I mean by being real? That means accepting the bitter with the better, and telling ourselves and others the truth about what we see, think and feel.

The new way of doing things is to find a balance between looking at the good in our lives, and being appreciative, as well as letting our angry, sad, or disappointed emotions show.

After the super-bowl, the coach, Jim Caldwell showed what real is in an appropriate way. He acknowledged that he and the team were upset, and yes, they would sulk for awhile. Then they would bounce back and use the disappointment of losing this big game to their advantage for next year.

I guarantee that the best way to handle being upset is to…well, be upset. You really don’t move on until you get the hurt and sadness out. If it sits in you, it leads to long term patterns of avoidance and denial, two of the most common and destructive patterns that can destroy a team or a company.

You can see the results of too much of phony happiness and what to do about it in “Don’t Bring It to Work”. Learn to monitor your own behavior so you don’t get caught in the trap of playing “let’s pretend”.

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Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Employers, Executive Teams, Fear, Health, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Psychology, Reflections, Transformation, Trust, leadership development | No Comments »

Teachables from Toyota

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

                                

hubris: overbearing pride or presumption

The word hubris is a fascinating one. It contains a warning: When you are too sure of yourself, beware of a fall!!! It is a great lesson to learn, both on a personal and a professional level.

Remember Enron; weren’t they called “the smartest guys in the room?” Whatever happened to Atari? How about Fannie Mae? Those who work, or used to work, on Wall Street have had to, or should look up the word hubris.

And Toyota. What do we say about that icon of excellence? A key to looking at what goes wrong with great companies is detailed in a book written by Jim Collins “How the Mighty Fall”. It is an important analysis of what he calls “the arc of tragedy” that can happen to the best of companies when hubris comes calling.

Collins outlines five key points to pay attention to. So, if your company is having a high-time, even in this still wobbly economy, pay attention. At the first stage, where hubris is magnified, there is a sense of invincibility; nothing can change the trajectory of success. The pattern of denial enters front and center and everyone is so busy congratulating each other that there are no checks and balances, no little kid saying that maybe the emperor is naked.

Next is the “more is better” mindset. As anthropologist Gregory Bateson pointed out, “At some point more, including even oxygen, becomes toxic”. This seems to be the curse of our modern society, and perhaps the present economy is helping to create a course correction. Core values become greed and over- expansion.

Then denial becomes pathological. Bad news is ignored and distorted rose-colored glasses are worn by everyone in the company (or the country). This is where the proverbial deck chairs are rearranged, i.e.: reorganized without being able to admit what is not working and make basic changes.

Next phase is common in companies, as well as personal relationships. Maybe an acquisition will make it all better, or for a couple it’s time to have a baby to solve the difficulties. There is a sense of desperation and none of the core issues are targeted. More denial and salve, with no medicinal value.

Finally, the great have fallen, and as we have seen all too often in the past several years, there is the death of a company, a last gasp before patterns of denial and avoidance offer the final blow?

Is it time we look hubris in the face, own our own shadow behaviors, and learn a new way to transform companies, transform ourselves, when we get so far off track? The next few months should be great learning times for all of us.

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