Archive for the ‘Trust’ Category

Leadership Kaleidoscope

Friday, June 18th, 2010

We just finished one of the most rewarding retreats of…. forever!

Big statement; now I will explain. For the past year we have been working with school district administrators in suburban Pennsylvania.

That includes 21 men and women who care about education and care about children.

June 2009 was their first off-site, a two day program to help them coalesce into a seamless team. Seated in the circle of chairs in the beautiful great room at The Country Place Retreat and Conference Center were kindergarten, elementary, middle, and high school principles, head of special education, curriculum, counseling, finance, transportation, grounds, maintenance, assistant superintendent, and superintendent.

Let me paint the picture from last year. Anyone can sit in a circle. Anyone can say what they think is expected of them. Not just anyone can begin the journey to the truth, to the heart of the matter. With this group it took time and it took the superintendent to start the ball rolling.

When a leader is willing to be self aware and share the essence of that awareness with a team, magic happens.

That is what happened on the last morning of last year. The group had not yet become a team. The elephants and gorillas were standing sentry. It was going to have a disappointing end, sort of like a stale and soggy afternoon at the beach.

Then the superintendent asked if she could speak. There was an uncomfortable quiet. She talked about her pattern as a super achiever and how she hated to ask for help. She then looked around the room and asked for help.

One year later: an air of “Can Do” permeated the circle. Same type of chairs, same circle, yet, what a difference; this was a group that had coalesced into a team of aligned colleagues who supported each other and had become a kaleidoscope. Each was a different shape, different color, each had a different perspective about issues, yet they all had a common goal of helping the youngsters grow and learn.

Kaleidoscopes make gorgeous images no matter which way you turn them, point of light that blend together in new and unique ways from moment to moment.

What’s in a “C”?

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

We have an incredible team of administrators from the Derry Township School District at an off site at The Country Place. They are all achievers of excellence, so when I suggested that this past year we have been working together was “the year of the C” a look of disappointment went around the room like a cloud hiding the sun.

I explained, it had been a year of the “See” and the “C“.

They have all been willing to look at how a high level administrative team can harness workplace conflict, master workplace relationships, tackle leadership dilemmas, be pioneers and visionaries in the field of education, build trustworthy relationships, and have enjoyable friendships all at the same time.

They all “see with new eyes” and embrace life long learning. The task now is to take the skills they have learned to the faculty, board, parents, and youngsters they are helping prepare for the rest of their lives.

Here is what is in a “C“:

Challenge: response to the call that “there is a better way”

Connect: learning that we are all in it together and no one wins unless we all do

Curiosity: Shaking things up to see what “new” looks like, sounds like, and feels like

Culture: exploring how a culture blossoms when risks are taken

Commit: understanding the power of an entire system willing to forge a new path

Communicate: working with the forces of choosing the right words to tell the truth

Cause: weaving education, including administrators, teachers, parents, children, community, and board into a well constructed tapestry

My barometer of hope is high. This team of pioneers is making a difference. As they explore their own self awareness and the power of pattern transformation they are taking leadership development and workplace relationships to a rarified realm of innovation and creative intent.

Are You an Open Book?

Monday, June 14th, 2010

There is a fascinating debate in most companies about transparency. How open should you be? It sounds so good, doesn’t it? And yet…..

How much openness is enough? Open to what, to whom? When do you close the valve of self disclosure? What are the ramifications of bringing up the curtain on your inner life?

The discussion, part of a Total Leadership Connections session, went late into the night. Here is how it started:

We had finished the powerful second session of the four part program, the time when everyone has the opportunity to answer the pivotal question “What formed you? What are the patterns that were handed from generation to generation that you have carried into your life, both at home and a work?

No one is required to reveal anything. It is an individual decision what to say or not say. Yet this is one of the few times that a program is set for business people to look at the patterns they learned in their original organization, the family and how those patterns were transferred to their present work organization. The level of “aha’s” is astounding.

Okay, so the formal presentations were over and it was time to unwind and chat. One thing, as they say, led to another, and one of the participants turned to a colleague and said “Remember when I mentioned that my brother has been an outcast in our family? Until you talked about your sister who was the black sheep and how you decided to find her and bring her back into the fold I never thought about doing anything to help. I have been embarrassed and really never talk about her. It’s private and painful.”

They continued until a plan was formed to call the same private detective and begin a search. The intention was set; the plan would wait till the morning. Neither man had ever realized that the pain of a discounted family member had landed right in their work settings. They talked about how each had become a denier; when there were deep conflicts at work, the principle way it was handled was to get rid of the “problem” and make sure that everyone stayed happy and job focused. No one ever talked about the emotional undertow of someone who was fired or downsized. It was business as usual, as if the person who left had never existed; just like in their families.

The next day they sat together and called the detective. A search would begin for the missing brother.

Life, as we know, is always more intriguing that fiction. At a lunch break when folks were checking computers and phones, the lost brother surfaced. No need for detectives. It was as if the intention to reconnect was enough. These kinds of synchronises happen when we are ready and willing for change to happen. They make differences for us in all aspects of our lives, at home and at work.

The key to leadership is not about being open or closed, as much as it is about the where, when and how. I suggest that it is all in the timing.

Leaders need a safe place to explore what pushes their buttons and what to do about it. They need to connect the dots of how home and work lives connect. They need to factor in the emotional with the rational.

The best advice I can give is to find a safe program to get under the obvious of leadership and peel the layers away. You never know who or what you can find and have a happy ending.

Work is More than a Job

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

Where do you spend most of your day? What do you think about much of the time? Why do you do it? Whenever I ask people about their experiences at work I still hear the “It pays the mortgage, it pays for my kid’s college tuition, it pays for my car, vacation, clothes.”

Work is more, so, so much more. Think about it, how you engage at work is how you live your life. It is where you go for some of the best life lessons. All you have to do is pay attention.

Here is an example that was just told to me by a family member. It made me realize that we are always tested and what happens when the mortgage, tuition, material objects, vacations, take a back seat to values and purpose.

David was asked to “fudge” the records so a client would not receive a rebate due him. It was a substantial amount of money. It was not put as crudely as “fudge” the records. It was done in a suave sophisticated manner. Yet, the bottom line was “we keep the money and he does not get it.”

After a sleepless night this young man went to his boss and in a clear, straight forward manner told him he could not participate and asked his boss to reconsider what he had proposed.

Was he nervous? “Internal sweating “was what I was told later. He and his wife had just purchased a new home and boy, was the mortgage ever front and present in his mind.

Yet, he was willing to risk it all by doing what he believed was the right thing. Work, he stated to me, really does show what you are made of, it really does show what you value and what really makes a difference. This was leadership development at its core.

He also told me that he had thought hard and deep about his pattern of being a pleaser, he had been one who would say “yes” at all costs to be liked, to be accepted, and to be the favorite.

He also told me that exploring the positive aspect of the pleaser pattern, the truth teller, had given him the courage to speak up. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” there is a bolded sentence: “Telling the truth is not spilling your guts“. That is the sentence that he took with him into his boss’s office.

Outcome: The boss apologized. He realized what he had suggested smacked of bad judgment. He was in a hurry and had not thought through implications of what he had said.

David had broken the spell of the pleaser and took a stand for what is ethical and right. This story has a happy ending. Many don’t. However, if you keep in mind that your actions and reactions at work are a measure of who you are as an individual you can walk with a proud step and even better, sleep guilt free at night.

Transforming ingrained behavior patterns is key to learning, growing and enjoying your vocation. Work is so much more than merely a job!

And please check out the Wall Street Journal article that talks about “Don’t Bring It to Work” and behavior patterns at play in our present organizations.

Leadership Conflict Turns Destructive

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

 

I found this very good blog about the Toyota fiasco.  Please read and note my comments; I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Article by Steve Tobak, The Corner Office

Survival of the fittest requires conflict; that’s as true in the boardroom as it is in the wild. In that sense, conflict isn’t just a good thing, it’s a key ingredient in all great organizations. It’s the manner in which businesses test new ideas and up-coming leadership talent.

 

But there comes a point when otherwise healthy conflict turns toxic, even destructive. I’ve seen it happen too many times, and when it does, it can plunge a successful company into a tailspin from which it might never recover. Case in point: the leadership crisis festering inside Toyota.

 Yesterday’s Wall Street Journal chronicled the long-standing feud between the founding Toyoda family and Toyota’s non-family leadership faction. For generations, the pendulum of Toyota’s corporate leadership has swung from one to the other. And that’s worked pretty well … until now.

Now, the warring factions have taken their long-standing feud to previously unseen heights of public, personal attacks on each other. The family faction is led by Akio Toyoda, current CEO and 53-year old grandson of the company founder. From the WSJ:

     Mr. Toyoda and his allies have been saying openly that when he took the top job last year after a 15-year hiatus for the Toyoda clan, he inherited a company weakened by non-family predecessors who sacrificed quality for faster growth and fatter margins.

The problems arose when “some people just got too big-headed and focused too excessively on profit,” Mr. Toyoda said at a Beijing news conference in March. Mr. Toyoda’s opponents – former company presidents Katsuaki Watanabe and Hiroshi Okuda – have an entirely different view (also from the WSJ):

     They say Toyota’s current troubles are less a quality crisis and more a management and public-relations crisis of Mr. Toyoda’s making, reflecting their longstanding warnings that he wasn’t ready to run a global corporation.

      “Is Akio ducking criticism of being a beneficiary of nepotism by accusing us and trying to justify his ascendancy to the top job?” one of Mr. Watanabe’s top aides said. Hiroshi Okuda … has told at least two associates since the recalls of cars involved in sudden acceleration incidents earlier this year: “Akio needs to go.”

      Asked [in 2000] about future prospects for Mr. Toyoda, then a 43-year-old general manager, Mr. Okuda said: “Nepotism just doesn’t belong in our future.” He elaborated: “Akio-class talents are rolling around all over Toyota, like so many potatoes.”

In my opinion, both parties are actually at fault for the company’s current crisis. As I said a couple of months ago in At the Heart of What’s Ailing Toyota:

Like so many big companies before, in its relentless drive to become the world’s largest auto maker, Toyota’s management took its eye off the ball. In other words, growth became its priority, while the unique aspects of its culture and operational competencies responsible for its success to this point, became secondary.

After many years of stellar leadership, last year Akio Toyoda, the grandson of the company’s founder, became CEO. And while Toyota’s issues have gestated for some time before Toyoda took the reins, his spectacular mishandling of the crisis demonstrates that he wasn’t ready for the job.

Nevertheless, instead of working together to resolve critical issues facing the company, Toyota’s leadership has devolved to juvenile finger-pointing. And, if this once-great company’s leadership doesn’t get its act together, well, as I said before, “not only will its recovery be long and painful, but it may not recover at all. It happens.”

My response below:

The Toyota mess is so familiar to anyone who has spent time working with family businesses. I grew up in one and remember the tension between my father and his two brothers and then the tugging, pulling, and positioning when outsiders joined the ranks.I became a family therapist and then morphed into an executive coach with a passion for working with family firms.

I know that finger pointing is common in all companies and is compounded when the family name is being tarnished. Here is what I do know: when stress hits the hot button there is a natural tendency to revert to patterns of behavior learned in the original organization, the family, that were there for survival and security.

There is a need to create safety by blaming and judging others as a protection mechanism. I only hope that the Toyoda clan can gain some understanding of the how and the why they did not intervene to keep the brand and their name in a positive light.

Leading by Example

Monday, April 5th, 2010
Statue of Rip van Winkle

Statue of Rip van Winkle

We are all waking up from a long, deep sleep, the sleep of denial and avoidance. The internet has opened the way for us to be connected to what is “right leadership”. We all have the opportunity and responsibility to speak out against abuses that are, sadly as old as time. Yet, now, we can voice opinions that in the past were mostly thought and rarely spoken. And, if spoken were dangerous both personally and professionally.

I encourage everyone to read this response by Sister Maureen Paul Turlish to the article in USA Today “Is Catholic Church crisis about sex abuse – or leadership?” In the late 60’s I was a young psychologist who worked at Catholic Social Service in Pittsburgh, Pa. I was the only non Catholic on the staff and it gave me a powerful opportunity to learn about the tugs and pulls of what was possible to discuss and what was off limits about Church policy.

I know how important, yet difficult it is for those who have dedicated their lives to what they believe to speak out. This is, for me true leading by example and I want to acknowledge Sister Maureen Paul Turlish for her courage to speak out publically.

In an undernourished, yet obese society, her comments give us food for thought; they are part of what I see as a new health care movement that looks toward truth rather than denial or avoidance as a major part of prevention.

 

Sister Maureen Paul Turlish response:

WHERE DOES THE BUCK STOP?

In a recent press release from the Holy See, “concerning cases of the sexual abuse of minors in ecclesiastical institutions,” Director Fr. Frederico Lombardi repeats some of the more clichéd responses and predictable excuses to the church’s ever widening problems of sexual abuse, particularly the sexual abuse of minor children.

http://www.oecumene.radiovaticana.org/EN1/Articolo.asp?c=362995

Contrary to what Lombardi says in the press release from the Vatican, the institutional Roman Catholic Church has reacted to the continuing sexual abuse debacle neither rapidly nor decisively and the Vatican continues to distance itself from what has happened in country after country, first categorizing it as an “American problem,” then as a “homosexual problem” in the United States in 2002.

The church’s response continues to be reactive rather than proactive while minimizing the systemic and endemic abuse of power and authority which enabled and exacerbated it on the one hand while covering it up whenever and wherever possible on the other.

The “wide-ranging context” that Lombardi speaks of is that in countries from the United States, Canada, Australia and Ireland to Austria, the Netherlands and Germany, church authorities have repeatedly and consistently disregarded the institution’s own moral and Canon laws as well as the existing laws of the countries’ in which these horrific crimes against humanity took place.

The church has lost its way.

If church authorities had done the morally right thing initially, one wonders how many children would have escaped being sexually abused by a particular priest?

As Patrick Wall, a former priest himself, states:

“The Roman Catholic Church has the largest body of knowledge of non-incarcerated sexual offenders in the world.”

Who, one has to ask, would have more knowledge of the internal machinations utilized to cover-up and protect sexual predators from public scrutiny than Pope Benedict in his former position as Head of the Holy Office?

While attacks on any individual is regrettable and counter productive, the fact is that Pope Benedict XVI is at the helm of the Barque of Peter. His challenge is to see that current church policy agrees with his statements in something as significant as the recent pastoral letter to Ireland.

What was done by church leadership in the United States, for example, were actions they were forced to take by the pressure of public opinion after records, files and correspondence were forced into the public venue in 2002 by Judge Constance M. Sweeney, a very brave, grounded and principled Catholic woman of Boston, Massachusetts. As the facts show, the bishops of the United States at that time were forced to make the decisions they made even while powerful bishops resisted calls to accountability and transparency every step of the way.

Moreover, while Benedict has accepted two of the proffered resignations from the Irish bishops it is well to recall that not one bishop in the United States was removed from office because of his own complicity and collusion in covering up sexual abuse. Nor has anyone been forced to resign for violating then existing canon law, criminal law or civil law.

Bishops in the United States like Bernard Cardinal Law and his auxiliaries in Boston, who were shown to have been complicit in protecting known sexual predators, should have been removed from office, their resignations tendered instead of being rewarded with a plum position in Rome in the case of Law, or their own dioceses as has been the cases with complicit Boston auxiliary bishops.

Sadly there are also examples of state authorities making deals with bishops that avoided any kind of prosecution, even though some had to admit guilt to get the deal. In a shameless act of pure hubris, the bishops specifically chose not to hold themselves to the same standards of accountability they drew up for ordinary priests.

When are people of good will going to say, enough!

When are state legislators going to change the laws so that justice can be pursued for the thousands upon thousands of victims of childhood sexual abuse who have been unable to access let alone obtain justice?

In most states and probably in most countries, existing criminal as well as civil laws give more protection to sexual predators and their enablers then they do to victims of childhood sexual abuse by anyone. The problems with statutes of limitation which have expired are probably much the same in Germany and other European countries as they have been is in so many jurisdictions in the United States.

This is deplorable and should not be the case.

The removal of all statutes of limitation in regard to the sexual abuse of children is the single, most effective way to hold predators and enabling institutions accountable before the law. More than that, window legislation allows a set time frame for previously time barred cases of sexual abuse by anyone.

It is possible to change the laws in order to give some semblance of justice to those ravaged at so tender an age. What is needed to effect that change is the will to hold all sexual predators of children accountable along with any enabling individuals or institutions.

The state of Delaware is one of a very few number of states in the United States which has removed all criminal and civil statutes of limitation in regard to the sexual abuse of children by anyone. It also legislated a two year civil window for previously time barred cases, again, by anyone. That window closed in July of 2009. Delaware also has a civil registry for those judged responsible under civil statutes.

In a civil suit, unlike a criminal suit, the burden of proof that any sexual abuse took place is on the plaintiff. The burden is not on the accused individual or institution to prove innocence, at least not in the United States.

Every victim of childhood sexual abuse should have a right to the pursuit of justice at the very least!

What people seem to forget is that children’s rights are human rights, that children’s rights are civil rights and that the hierarchy, the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church, has violated those children’s rights in the most profane of ways, not only by covering up for sexual abusers, mostly priests, but also by enabling the further abuse of untold numbers of children by these particular individuals who were known to be dangerous predators.

If Delaware can do it other states and other countries should be able to do it as well, and hold sexual predators and any enabling institutions responsible, especially when those institutions choose to ignore their own internal laws.

I was privileged to testify before the Senate and House Judiciary Committees in support of the 2007 Child Victims Law in Delaware.

No rules and no laws of any religious organization or denomination should be allowed to trump the laws of a civilized society where the protection of children is concerned.

Not only should the institutional Roman Catholic Church be held to the highest standard as a signatory to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, it should be leading by example and showing what can and should be done to protect children from sexual exploitation, from what really is another example of trafficking in individuals for purposes of sexual exploitation, nothing less.

By any objective standard the church has grossly violated the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child for decades.

Is it time to formalize those violations as the crimes against humanity they truly are?

Sister Maureen Paul Turlish
Victims’ Advocate
New Castle, Delaware
maureenpaulturlish@yahoo.com

Leadership Strategies: When Do We Trust

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

alg_dark-chocolate_cadburyKraft and Cadbury have not begun a most happy union. It is said that “In the beginning is everything” and that being the case, expect some unhappy times ahead.

There are so many layers to peel away. When there is a “takeover” or even a more friendly merger it is not unlike creating a step family. I have been part of several US/UK mergers and if the cultural issues stay under the surface they come out as people wearing gorilla suits….ready to fight for their own survival.

Here is my response to the BNET article about the issue of trust in this combined organization.

In the book “Don’t Bring It to Work” there are lots of examples of how we all, and that means all of us, react by replicating childhood behaviors. We ignore, deny, send the ‘little brother’ to get yelled at (as Irene did).

It is time we really took charge of what happens when we feel attacked or betrayed and find new ways to “practice safe stress” by learning to look at and change old, outmoded behaviors that were there for security and survival yet, keep us defending, protecting, and justifying rather than move to a more adult place.

Relationships and Neuroscience – 3 Things to Know – Their Impact On You at Work!

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

Sometimes there is a frustrating moment when you are not sure what you see, hear, and feel is making sense to anyone but you. It is making you crazy. Are you the only one wondering what is going on in this meeting? Are  you are the only one sensing the tension and disconnect?

 Maybe, just maybe, it is not what is happening in the room at that exact time. Perhaps, it is a memory trace of a past event in your life, and there you are, in a sense, re-living it.

 The scientific term for this is called an engram. Here is an example: You are a toddler and the family is going to the beach for the first time. Everyone is excited about flying from land-locked Oklahoma to Florida.

 Your parents talk about swimming in the ocean, the warm blue water and the pretty white waves. You are old enough to know this will be special.

 Then you get to the beach and it is pouring rain. You stand with your family on the motel patio and sense the upset and annoyance.

 Now, fast-forward: you are a grown-up and you are taking your family to the beach. It is a sunny day and everything is working perfectly; except, you are depressed and sad. Do you feel as though you are crazy? Of course you do!

 Blame it on your brain. The old trace memory from long ago has kicked in, and while it is certainly possible to shake off the upset, you wonder why it happened in the first place.

 Many times we can go back and connect the dots of old memories; often we can’t. So, if your feelings are not connected to the situation of the moment, know it is an earlier pattern from the past at play.

 Remember:  1. You do bring your past with you whether you want to or not.
                           2. Every thought and situation is recorded in your  memory system.
                           3.  Present reactions may be knee-jerk responses to the past.

So, when the guy next to you in a meeting says something that presses your buttons non-stop, ask yourself if this is from what is actually happening in the present, or does he remind you of your older, know-it-all brother who used to drive you crazy?

You can learn more about patterns by going to www.sylvialafair.com and take the pattern aware test to see what drives you to distraction.

Women Leadership and Change Management

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

 

This is a time for women to pat themselves on the back for all the successes that have come in the last 60 years. The role of women has changed dramatically, and it has been mostly a quiet revolution.

 
But there have been some loud bumps and bleeps along the way, like the angry wife who took action to cut off her husband’s private parts, rather than just wish she could. With the rash of cheaters now making the headlines that may be something to rethink instead of all the shame-faced public apologies. Scratch that, it was just a wandering thought!

 
Since, within the next several months women will become the majority of the workforce, and we know there is power in numbers, it is an important time to think about what we, both female and male, want to have as change initiative, moving forward.

 
I would like to underline the importance of a partnership model. Women and men need to talk in a new and more effective way. It is about how we connect and relate around the things that matter most – our relationships and how to be stewards for the future generations.

 
Not enough air time has been given to these priorities, and as a society I believe we are suffering and self- medicating through substances, sex, and shopping.

 
There is a new feminism (what about a new ‘malism’) that takes into account the differences in the way men and women are wired. We need to find a middle way that takes into account how male and female brains process information. Not good or bad, just DIFFERENT.

 
Even more importantly, we need to take into account the legacy we hand to the next generation. So far, we, and that means all of us, have not gotten high marks here. What are we teaching our kids about what it means to be a woman, a man, a business person, a citizen, a human being?

 
The workplace is the place where change can happen and happen quickly. It is the place that has changed the most in the past century. It is the place that women and men can begin a true dialogue and real partnership can occur.

Leadership and Too Much Happiness

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

We are living in an era of polarities. Our government is a house divided, not just by being Republicans and Democrats, but by taking extreme views on just about everything and then, as we all see, nothing happens. We are polarized, and we are stuck.

Same thing happens in the workplace when there is too much emphasis on only thinking about the positive. In an organization that leaves no room for dissent, we get a variation of the movie “Pleasantville” (if you haven’t seen it, it is worth the time).

There are ideas that if you focus only on the positive then, like magic, the genie will appear and you will get what you want. That is the premise of the book “The Secret” that has made millions for the authors and has done little for readers.

Recently I heard someone say “If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your definite plans”. There is a mystery to our lives, and part of joining into the essence of that mystery is to be real, and to accept the ebb and flow of life in its entirety.

What do I mean by being real? That means accepting the bitter with the better, and telling ourselves and others the truth about what we see, think and feel.

The new way of doing things is to find a balance between looking at the good in our lives, and being appreciative, as well as letting our angry, sad, or disappointed emotions show.

After the super-bowl, the coach, Jim Caldwell showed what real is in an appropriate way. He acknowledged that he and the team were upset, and yes, they would sulk for awhile. Then they would bounce back and use the disappointment of losing this big game to their advantage for next year.

I guarantee that the best way to handle being upset is to…well, be upset. You really don’t move on until you get the hurt and sadness out. If it sits in you, it leads to long term patterns of avoidance and denial, two of the most common and destructive patterns that can destroy a team or a company.

You can see the results of too much of phony happiness and what to do about it in “Don’t Bring It to Work”. Learn to monitor your own behavior so you don’t get caught in the trap of playing “let’s pretend”.