Archive for the ‘Coaching’ Category
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
There has been a fascinating discussion going on for several weeks on the Leadership Think Tank Group on LinkedIn. The question is “If you could teach one thing to a young leader what would it be?”
There have been over 250 responses and the vast array of answers creates a composite of the myriad aspects of leadership development. It does seem that the largest number of answers believe that leadership is an art and craft that can be learned.
One particular answer by Tom Tavares caught my attention. He talks about helping leaders with the vital skill of problem solving under pressure. He states “Based on 500 in-depth profiles of leaders in a wide variety of industries, 80% or more fall back on their own problem-solving skills when under pressure. Leaders start their careers as specialists and are strong problem-solvers. When pressure builds, fixing things themselves provides a sense of control.”
This is so true and is something we all need to consider when the going is tough. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” I talk about the fact that when stress hits the hot button we all tend to revert to patterns of behavior learned in our original organization, the family and that is what we bring into the workplace.
Think about how you coped under pressure when you were eight or ten or fourteen. Now, look at how you problem solve in your adult life at work? What are the common threads? this will help you find the way out to new and more effective behavior.
In the third session of our Total Leadership Connections program problem solving is a key theme. Participants have the opportunity to do a “Pep Talk” concerning a problem-solving issue of their choosing. They can decide to address a work issue or one closer to home. Pep Talk stands for “Pattern Encounter Process” and there is the opportunity to look at the long-term behavior patterns, the coping mechanisms that absolutely pop-up unconsciously when there is stress and anxiety.
What is amazing is how hard it is to see it on ourselves when we are in those stress-filled moments. We learned how to survive when we were kids. How do I know? Just look in the mirror; we’re still here. Trouble is what worked for us as youngsters is not always the best solution as an adult.
Think about it; did you take the fight or flight route? Many a young leader both takes the offensive and is a persecutor and finger pointer in getting through tough times. Others take the avoider route and figures everything will handle itself if I just wait long enough. Others become the victim, some the rescuers. There are the deniers who look a problem square in the face and say “No big deal”.
We can see so many of the patterned responses playing out in the tragedy of the BP oil fiasco. But wait, before you cast the first stone, look inside and think about your own leadership manner of working through tough times at work.
Back to Tom Tavares advice; he suggests leaders take the route of collaboration saying “one mind and many hands is less intelligent than many minds in solving problems from the outset.” I agree that this can help stop the old patterned responses from taking over. Being able to use your leadership team in a cooperative manner and making sure there is openness to question decisions can lead to better and best decisions in the long run.
Tags: Behavior, Collaboration, Communication, Discussion, Family, Leadership, leadership development, Leadership Think Tank, LinkedIn, Organization, Original Origanization, Patterns, Problem-Solving, Tom Tavares, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships, Young Leader
Posted in Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Diversity, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family Business, Family Conflict, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Reflections, Relationships, Stress, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, Young Leaders, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
I was doing some research about the environment. My mind went to Henry David Thoreau and how he was a “gadfly” to keep people connected to nature. He was a searcher for the truth and knew that our inner nature is connected with outer nature.
His life, his writing, was about seeking the deeper meaning, of everything. We have become such a “sound bite” nation any idea that takes more than five words to express is ignored.
Maybe we do need to stop, during these summer months and be quiet in nature’s bounty. Sit with the tress and flowers, sit with the sand and water, sit with the stars at night, and just sit. It was in this quiet that Thoreau wrote “Walden“.
What does this have to do with work you are wondering; nothing and everything?
We are living in such a polluted world and it is not just the physical chemicals, the oil, and the trash that is bearing down on us. We are also burdened with workplace conflict that seems to get worse and worse all the time.
With my coaching clients I am hearing more and more disaffection that co-workers have with each other. With all the team building programs, all the pizza parties, all the community days set aside, there is still an edge of tension in most work environments.
This emotional pollution is causing untold stress and it tumbles from home to work to little league. What can be done?
The idea of being an office environmentalist came to me as I was researching information about Thoreau. He died at the young age of 44 and left a legacy for others, including Gandhi and Martin Luther King to look at what I am calling emotional pollution and take a stand.
We are spending way too much time yelling at company officers who have done poor jobs, not just BP, check out the poor quality cement work of Halliburton in the Gulf as another example.
It’s not about how bad “they” are. What about our personal responsibilities for maintaining our beautiful planet, for being kind and civil to each other at work, in our communities?
This Thoreau quote stayed with me, I offer it to you “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”
Take some quiet time this summer and think about how you can help get to the root.
Tags: Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Environment, Gadfly, Henry David Thoreau, Nature, Reflections, Silence, Sylvia Lafair, Truthteller, Workplace Conflict
Posted in Accountability, Boss, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Consulting, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Media, Nature, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, The Country Place, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
Since we know the only constant in life is change, I wonder why we do not have many courses on this vital subject throughout our school years. It should be part of curriculum beginning in elementary school. It is so basic to physiology, psychology, life in general.
I have joined a group on LinkedIn that explores change and the following is the beginning of a dialogue started by a colleague in Australia. I’d love to hear more comments. The question is key, “what do we listen for to get the essence of how another thinks, hears, and feels the impact of change?”
Here’s to a happy and productive day of “whatever comes along!”
Dialogue Question by Vincent Wall, Owner, Springboard Management Group: What is most effective in developing change analysts listening skills? Beyond paraphrasing, clarifying, reconfirming, checking client context, identifying the unspoken, speak to the listening?
Comment by Sylvia Lafair: Check your GUT! There are always emotion laden words that will slide by if you let them. This is where the real action is. We are all connected and mirror neurons (how words/actions of other) impact us. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” there is a part called “Sound Bites” to help get in step with how to respond to power words that otherwise would go under the radar.
Tags: Communication, Constant Change, Dialogue, Don't Bring It to Work, Leadership, LinkedIn, Listening, Neurons, Sylvia Lafair
Posted in Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Integrity, Leaders, Patterns, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Friday, June 11th, 2010
Being a boss is a big deal; so many plates to juggle. Hopefully you began your juggling career long before you moved into the manager or supervisor position. If not, keep throwing them in the air and practice, practice, practice.
Here are some suggestions to help you as you let go, catch, let go, catch. The worst crashes to the floor; the most contentious and difficult to manage concerns clarity.
Here is what to watch for so the plates with the whole enchilada don’t to hit the ground:
1. Political correctness is toxic. Egos, yours and others, are unfortunately often rewarded by saying what sounds good rather than what is true.
2. Confusion dissipates clarity. Make sure you talk in short, sentences that have headlines, deadlines, and real expectations attached.
3. Favoritism destroys enthusiasm. Everyone needs something from you and as long as you are fair they will feel you are taking care of them.
4. Patterns trump logic. Learn to know the specific ways your employees respond when stress is high and meet them with language they can hear.
5. Team meetings are people meetings. Always leave some time for the team to talk about what they want and need that is not part of the formal agenda; being heard is critical.
6. Performance issues do not dissolve. Everyone is waiting to see how you tackle poor performance and if you face it head on or let it slide.
7. Watch out for martyrs. They come in early, leave late, bring snacks for everyone and complain all the time. Stop the over-giving before it takes on an unhealthy life of its own.
8. Coach for success. Give private time to everyone and encourage the best that they have to offer and keep the bar high enough to push people past their comfort zone.
So, what is the main thing? Clarity and consistency are powerful tools. However, clarity wins over being consistent mainly because life has a way of throwing curve balls out there and forcing us to change the way we do things based on new circumstances.
If you hear your staff saying they are confused you must stop everything and find ways to clear up the confusion. That will make both your job easier and their ability to follow you lead much smoother.
Here is a great way to help you gain clarity and eliminate confusion. When you think to yourself “I don’t know what to do here” simply take a breath, close your eyes and open them, do this about half dozen times. Then say to yourself, “If you did know what would you do”? Listen closely to the first thing that comes into your mind, it is usually a perfect answer for the situation.
Also, use this with others. Whenever you hear those deflating words “I don’t know” have the person take a breath, blink their eyes and then ask “If you did know”. It is a way of accessing inner creativity that may seem like magic, who knows, maybe it is. In any case, it works and you can keep the juggling going and going and going!
Tags: behavior patterns, Boss, Career, Clairty, Coaching, Communication, Egos, Employees, Martyr, Patterns, Performance, Supervisor, Team Meetings, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Advice, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Management, Meetings, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, June 9th, 2010
Where do you think you waste the most amount of time at work? Is it spending time gnawing on your hurt feelings about upsets with co-workers? Is it rewriting reports that have been done poorly by direct reports? Is it intervening in workplace conflict that is dragging your team down? Maybe it is in the time wasted in overly long, boring, or unnecessary meetings.
There is mental waste, emotional waste, and physical waste that can be eliminated at work that once cleaned out creates a more efficient, economical, and time saving culture.
Take meetings for example. They have been called the “black hole” of the workplace. Most people when asked, say they dread the length of time spent in meetings that are often seen as unnecessary and insignificant.
So many meetings are of the “just because” variety; just because it’s Monday, or just because we are senior leadership, or just because we are on the committee.
Take the time to evaluate routine, regularly scheduled meetings. The question to answer is “What is the key purpose?”
Once you decide the meeting has value follow the following rules and you will have waste management under control.
1. Meetings are living theater. Have a title and an outline of important issues.
2. Start and end on time. The curtain goes up, the play is the thing, and the curtain goes down. Run your meetings to stay within the structure of theater and you won’t go wrong.
3. Have a main theme: No more than two subplots or you will lose the audience.
4. Facilitator is the director. Keep the meeting lively and make sure all the “actors” know what is expected of them. Pre-rehearse with the main characters so they are prepared with reports and power points if necessary.
5. Present with panache. Pictures are truly worth a thousand words. The brain will remember one picture sprinkled with emotional words longer and better than a long dissertation with vast numbers of numbers.
6. Careful with handouts. Less is more in this overly stimulating world. Give a single page with key phrases rather than an entire presentation to follow.
7. Ask questions. Give participants space to think in new ways and have time for Q&A. The key to successful meetings is engagement and involvement.
Meetings that are structured like theater are remembered and successful. The first few you do may be like off, off Broadway. However, as you become more comfortable with plot, subplot and the emotional aspect of drawing people into the importance of what you are doing for your team and your company you will get more and more buy-in. Who knows, Broadway is always looking for great stories, maybe one of your meetings can become a major winner. So, start thinking, which star would you like to play you in the theater production?
Tags: Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Leadership, Leadership Develoment Programs, leadership programs, Leadership Strategies, Presentations, Time Management, Time Saving, Workplace, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Advice, Boss, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Management, Money, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »
Thursday, May 6th, 2010
A friend of mine, amazing man, just sold his business for a lot of money, I mean a lot of money. Everyone is happy for him. He smiles when he talks about his pot of gold, his fabulous career, yet the smiles seem somehow vacant, somehow sad.
He invited me for late morning coffee. We sat at a cornet table, far from the maddening crowd in this busy Starbucks and I heard the story under the plastic smile.
He has the money now, and he has what he never had before, the time; all that is good. However, he told me he has been haunted by memories of years gone by and he can’t get these memories out of his mind.
Let me give you the picture. This tall, handsome man is in his early 60’s. He has been healthy and vibrant. Married, divorced, remarried; two grown children, a son and a daughter and two step sons. He has a beautiful wife, beautiful city home and a beautiful vacation home in a beautiful beach community. Got the picture?
Sounds like the model of American success? On one level it is. On another it raises a major question: what do we give up to get?
That is his struggle today. He is haunted by thoughts of how much he missed watching his kids grow up, how driven he was for success. How sad he is about the times that the office became his sanctuary and everything else was on the back burner.
Not sure what he wants to do with the remaining years. His parents and grandparents lived to their late eighties so unless hit by a truck he has many good years ahead. Yet, no preparation for what to do; there is only so much golf you can play.
He asked me to officially coach him, help him find some meaning, some new kind of quality. Most of my coaching time is spent with folks requesting leadership development and executive education. This is a new and important place for me to focus; with the boomer group searching for meaning.
We will be starting a program soon that is the result of my coaching with this man; it has been named “Total Life Connections“. It is based on our highly successful “Total Leadership Connections “program. It addresses the big question of how to give back, how to make a difference, what really matters when pinnacles of success have been reached and we stand there with vacant smiles asking “Now what?”
This program will answer that quality of life question. Call or email for more details.
Tags: Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Consulting, Leaders, Leadership, leadership development, programs, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Consulting, Education, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns, Reflections, Total Leaders, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »
Monday, April 26th, 2010
Al Gore continues to take a leadership role that may well be bigger than if he had become president. He has not shirked his responsibility for being a spokesperson for what truly matters most, the care and well-being of the planet.
Last Thursday, Earth Day he talked about the fact that the pledge to care about the planet is not merely about the earth itself, it is about all of humanity.
I want to give a personal acknowledgment to private citizen, Al Gore for his elegant leadership in this cause that is critical to every member of our global village. It is all about humanity. What we teach in our Total Leadership Connections Program, that ‘we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do’. This is a vital concept for today’s world. Gore put it clearly, it’s all about humanity.
With the internet and social media weaving us together like the threads of a very strong spider’s web, this concept cannot get enough play. It needs to be said over and over, every day of the year. This makes every day earth day, every day, and humanity day.
It is time to teach in schools, starting with elementary and going right through MBA and PhD programs that everything in our lives is a matter of relationships, a matter of how systems operate.
There are a multitude of relationships to consider from the one we have with ourselves, to those in our families, in communities, in the workplace, and with Mother Earth.
So, let’s take a lesson from Al Gore, an elegant leader, let’s have Earth Day and also add Humanity Day, or Humanity Week, or Humanity Month, or Humanity Year.
Let’s get the media involved and begin to have shows on T.V., comedies and dramas that begin to show how we are all connected, how we can work together and make this blue planet, this home of ours work for everyone.
Ever been to Disney; the “It’s a Small World After All” adventure ride? It should become a theme for more than just a theme park. Think there isn’t anything you can do? Of course you can! Ideas for pushing the notion that we are all connected need to be seeded. Send some creative options to me and you will receive a free copy of “Don’t Bring It to Work” my book with the underlying theme that, yes, we are all connected. Let’s begin the exciting journey to put ideas into action. Can’t wait to hear from you.
Tags: Conflict in the Workplace, Don't Bring It to Work, Elegant Leader, Leadership, Relationships, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Women in the workplace, leadership development | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 21st, 2010
I found this very good blog about the Toyota fiasco. Please read and note my comments; I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Article by Steve Tobak, The Corner Office
Survival of the fittest requires conflict; that’s as true in the boardroom as it is in the wild. In that sense, conflict isn’t just a good thing, it’s a key ingredient in all great organizations. It’s the manner in which businesses test new ideas and up-coming leadership talent.
But there comes a point when otherwise healthy conflict turns toxic, even destructive. I’ve seen it happen too many times, and when it does, it can plunge a successful company into a tailspin from which it might never recover. Case in point: the leadership crisis festering inside Toyota.
Yesterday’s Wall Street Journal chronicled the long-standing feud between the founding Toyoda family and Toyota’s non-family leadership faction. For generations, the pendulum of Toyota’s corporate leadership has swung from one to the other. And that’s worked pretty well … until now.
Now, the warring factions have taken their long-standing feud to previously unseen heights of public, personal attacks on each other. The family faction is led by Akio Toyoda, current CEO and 53-year old grandson of the company founder. From the WSJ:
Mr. Toyoda and his allies have been saying openly that when he took the top job last year after a 15-year hiatus for the Toyoda clan, he inherited a company weakened by non-family predecessors who sacrificed quality for faster growth and fatter margins.
The problems arose when “some people just got too big-headed and focused too excessively on profit,” Mr. Toyoda said at a Beijing news conference in March. Mr. Toyoda’s opponents – former company presidents Katsuaki Watanabe and Hiroshi Okuda – have an entirely different view (also from the WSJ):
They say Toyota’s current troubles are less a quality crisis and more a management and public-relations crisis of Mr. Toyoda’s making, reflecting their longstanding warnings that he wasn’t ready to run a global corporation.
“Is Akio ducking criticism of being a beneficiary of nepotism by accusing us and trying to justify his ascendancy to the top job?” one of Mr. Watanabe’s top aides said. Hiroshi Okuda … has told at least two associates since the recalls of cars involved in sudden acceleration incidents earlier this year: “Akio needs to go.”
Asked [in 2000] about future prospects for Mr. Toyoda, then a 43-year-old general manager, Mr. Okuda said: “Nepotism just doesn’t belong in our future.” He elaborated: “Akio-class talents are rolling around all over Toyota, like so many potatoes.”
In my opinion, both parties are actually at fault for the company’s current crisis. As I said a couple of months ago in At the Heart of What’s Ailing Toyota:
Like so many big companies before, in its relentless drive to become the world’s largest auto maker, Toyota’s management took its eye off the ball. In other words, growth became its priority, while the unique aspects of its culture and operational competencies responsible for its success to this point, became secondary.
After many years of stellar leadership, last year Akio Toyoda, the grandson of the company’s founder, became CEO. And while Toyota’s issues have gestated for some time before Toyoda took the reins, his spectacular mishandling of the crisis demonstrates that he wasn’t ready for the job.
Nevertheless, instead of working together to resolve critical issues facing the company, Toyota’s leadership has devolved to juvenile finger-pointing. And, if this once-great company’s leadership doesn’t get its act together, well, as I said before, “not only will its recovery be long and painful, but it may not recover at all. It happens.”
My response below:
The Toyota mess is so familiar to anyone who has spent time working with family businesses. I grew up in one and remember the tension between my father and his two brothers and then the tugging, pulling, and positioning when outsiders joined the ranks.I became a family therapist and then morphed into an executive coach with a passion for working with family firms.
I know that finger pointing is common in all companies and is compounded when the family name is being tarnished. Here is what I do know: when stress hits the hot button there is a natural tendency to revert to patterns of behavior learned in the original organization, the family, that were there for survival and security.
There is a need to create safety by blaming and judging others as a protection mechanism. I only hope that the Toyoda clan can gain some understanding of the how and the why they did not intervene to keep the brand and their name in a positive light.
Tags: Blaming, Coaching, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Family Business, Family Conflict, family patterns, Leadership, leadership development, Patterns
Posted in Accountability, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Economy, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family Business, Family Conflict, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, Patterns, Stress, Trust, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »
Thursday, April 8th, 2010
Did you ever sit in a meeting where lots of numbers were thrown around and you sat there thinking “So what”? Worse yet, did you ever sit in a meeting where the metrics were used as tools of punishment; where the leader would lower his or her voice and whoever had the poor sales quota would lower their head?
Often metrics are used to punish. Sadly, this is done in such an “objective” way that no one is told directly their performance is not up to speed, they are merely “shamed” in front of the group.
When metrics are used as a tool of discipline it does not benefit anyone. When numbers are the only aspect of business that matters it takes the mojo out of the work day. That is not to say the bottom line is unimportant, of course it is. However, that alone is a very poor motivator.
The problem, as I see it, is lack of context, lack of systems thinking. When you put all aspects of a business together including finances, business development, strategy, sales, marketing, and operations it is key to really think about the people who do and support these roles.
Metrics, matter. Metrics that cause stress and tension without putting issues and challenges in context create workforce conflict and unnecessary polarization. That is when the walls go up around individuals and silos are impenetrable. Too many teams and leaders I coach are turned off to the numbers they are presented because they feel there is emphasis on the metrics without the proper meaning.
Tags: Coaching, Discipline, Leader, Meetings, Metrics, Polarization, Stress, Tension, Workplace Conflict
Posted in Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Leaders, Metrics, Stress, Workplace Relationships | 1 Comment »
