Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

Leadership From the Heart Not the Street

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

There is a great interview by Adi Ignatuis with Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks that is well worth reading.

Here are some thoughts after reading the article. Schultz and Starbucks have been fascinating to follow over the years. The original concept of community hangout, “Let’s meet at Starbucks” was a standard for so many folks; it moved to “OMG, another Starbucks, when is enough enough“?

I began to think Schultz was a reincarnation of King Midas. Remember that king? He wished to be the richest ruler in all the lands and he was kindly granted that wonderful wish. Told that whatever he touched would turn to gold, he was a happy camper. Silverware turned to gold, drinking goblets turned to gold, coffee mugs turned to gold.

The story is a “BEWARE” story. When Midas’s daughter ran to give him a hug, you guessed it, she also turned to gold. And the moral of the story is to question when is enough enough?

For a period of time it sure looked like Shultz was on a Midas mission to rule the world through lattes and the like. Then the bubble burst, and I remember thinking it serves him right. There are more important subjects to tackle, like global warming and oil spills.

Back to the interview; there is one part where I thought, hey maybe it would be worth it to meet Howard Schultz and have a dopper espresso macchiato with him. He was asked for an example of a decision he had made that Wall Street didn’t like.

His answer: health care. He just couldn’t cut the benefits, no matter how perfect it was to do so during a down economy. A shareholder complained and he stood his ground, telling the man to sell his stock, he would not budge on this issue.

This brought to mind the Schultz I first read about years ago, the man I decided to check out and follow as a leader of substance. That Howard was determined to always have full health care for his employees after growing up watching his father struggle. His dad had an accident and was laid off from his job and the family lost their health care benefits.

At a young age Schultz internalized the pain of this family crisis and vowed to be more caring if he ever made it in business. During the recent downturn for Starbucks he could have stayed in the Midas mentality. Instead he stayed true to himself.

In the interview he goes on to say that it is important for him to look in the mirror and feel he has done something that has meaning and relevancy, something people can respect. He stayed with his heart and took on “the street“.

Question: what do you see when you look in the mirror?

Health in the Workplace

Friday, July 9th, 2010

We are all seeking healthier, more fulfilling, and more productive lives. We are always looking for new ideas and solutions to problems. When we ask each other “So, how’s it going?” mostly the answer is “Fine” or “Eh” or “Lousy”. Then we get on to something else and we rarely go back to ask deeper questions that will lead to new ideas or solutions to our problems.

There are two very short books, as in fewer than 100 pages, that take us back to ancient myths meant to guide us to healthier, more fulfilling, and more productive lives. Even the titles are short. “She” is the myth of Psyche and Eros, one of the oldest written myths that give direction to the nature of love and how we all have to go through tests and trials to grow into real, meaningful relationships.

The other is “He” the myth of Percival and the Holy Grail. It is a journey story about coming home to you. It is about individuation, and yet, still seeing that no matter how much you want to be independent, you are always part of a system, of a collective, of the relationships that have formed you.

In this time when everything in society is upside down and inside out, when we all need to redefine what matters, what is fulfilling, what constitutes success, these myths give comfort and guidance. They are in the realm of human universals. They are consistent at the core level of who we are as human beings.

Some things never change all that much. Whether we sat around fires and told stories, hunted and gathered for meals, road on horses to get from here to there, get our information from the touch of a computer, certain things remain the same. We all need nourishment physically, mentally, and emotionally.

We all worry about health and well being. We all want to trust each other and be creative. All leadership development programs would be better if they included some of the myths that have sustained through time. Workplace conflict may well be more easily resolved if we stop, breathe, and talk about what is really hurtful and upsetting past the finger pointing and “gotcha game” of office politics.
Give yourself a gift this summer. Read these two short books, they will help you on your quest for a healthier, more fulfilling, and productive life. Let me know what you think.

Do Exec’s Make Lousy Spouses

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Sometimes I think we are looking at little tidbits of information hoping that will give us easy answers. Partly we all have been trained to sort and judge, sort and judge, sort and judge. It is initially more complex to look at the whole enchilada, the whole system for answers.

The blog about “Do Successful Executives Make Lousy Spouses” is a case in point. My first inclination was to really drill down into what constitutes success. I know it is more than money, more than the title, more than dividing up the housework. My second thought was if there is executive success there should be outside help for the housework.

I’d love your comments on how you handle the dividing thing at home and how it is working so we can all learn new ways of cooperating.

Finding fairness ain’t easy no matter how “successful” we are!

 

BNET Article by Steve Tobak:

A guy works his tail off climbing the corporate ladder. He sacrifices everything else to achieve success for himself and his family. In the meantime, his wife stays home with the kids and the housework. Ultimately, she divorces him. Why? Because, she sacrificed too, and got a lousy husband for her trouble.  

Think that’s an old story out of the 50s or an exaggeration? It’s not. It’s all too common, especially when it comes to CEOs, executives, and business leaders. There’s quite a bit of data, not to mention anecdotal information, to support the idea that lopsided marriages just don’t work.

And that means workaholic and travelaholic executives who “do it all for the family” may one day come home to an empty house. In Getting to 50/50, former Goldman Sachs managing director Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober, who runs a private equity fund, draw some fascinating conclusions: 

  • The divorce rate is lower when couples share housework
  • The divorce rate drops sharply when the woman works too
  • The risk of divorce is lowest when the man earns 60% of the income and does 40% of housework
  • Among couples over 40, two thirds of the divorces are initiated by the women

The wealth of research seems to indicate that, regardless of how hard men work, how successful they are, and how much money they bring home, most women seem to have a real problem when their husbands are slackers at home and aren’t around to help raise the kids. And they often feel resentful for having to sacrifice their own careers.

And I can substantiates that data with my own personal experience. For a long time, I was one of the those workaholic executives who travelled and worked most of the time. I felt entitled to forgo the housework, not to mention being selfish about my spare time and insensitive to the sacrifices my wife made. Not that she ever complained, but let’s just say things are very different now.

Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of guys screw up their marriages by assuming that anything goes as long as they bring home the bacon. But when it comes to clueless executive husbands, this guy I used to work for, the president of a public company, definitely takes the cake. We’ll call him John Smith. One day Mrs. Smith called John’s office at around 6 pm:

“John Smith’s office, Cathy speaking.”

“Hi Cathy, it’s Mrs. Smith. Listen, John was supposed to be home half an hour ago to play tennis with his son. Has he left yet or is he running late, as usual?”    

“Well,” Cathy hesitated, “I’m sorry, but John isn’t here.”

“Well, where is he?”

“Um …,” long pause, “John got on a plane to China hours ago.”

Now, I suppose that every relationship is unique, but the data doesn’t lie and neither does my experience. Bottom line, if I had the chance to do it over again, I’d do these three things differently:

  1. Sacrifice a little work time and at least make an effort to do some housework every week.
  2. Encourage and support my wife’s career, even if it means slowing my own climb up the corporate ladder, regardless of the disparity in pay.
  3. Google “narcissist.”

How about you? Is your work-family life out of balance? And do you think anything changes if you reverse the genders?

 

Sylvia Lafair’s Comment:

I just wish it all boiled down to splitting the housework, or making sure the temperature in the house is not too cold or too hot, or sharing the remote for the TV.

It’s just not that easy. The forces for workaholism, super achieving, martyrdom, and victimhood live way deep down in invisible behaviors (also called unconscious) that make us need to over prove ourselves, overgive to others, or take blame for everything that goes wrong.

I believe that the best leaders and parents are those who take the time to observe, understand and then transform behavior that limit healthy relationships with oneself and with others.

Then doing the housework is merely a little bleep in the day.

When You Will It Do You Really Find the Way?

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Will power; it’s a mysterious force that some seem to have and others don’t. Some are able to say no the luscious decadent dessert, others can stay away from the golf course on a beautiful day, and others can practice a dance routine till they are about to drop.

What is the mysterious force that says “Yes, you can do it” or “No you can do without it?” Why do most of us fail miserably and feel like jerks as we watch the chosen few win the awards and trophies and have to listen to how hard they worked and how they never gave up.

There are so many motivational books about focus. That “if only” you would decide to stay “on purpose” you can do anything. Well, I tell you sometimes, it just ain’t so!

Take me for example. I just lost a lot, I mean a lot of weight. I have said no to my favorite Pinot Noir, to amazing crème brulee, to freshly baked bread. And everyone has congratulated me on my will power.

Except, it did not take any of my own will; it took a combination of the right ingredients. There is a small amount of a whey shake, some coconut oil and a shot (literally) of a hormone that burns away the fat.

I learned from this that will power sounds better in a motivational speech than often is the case in real life. I did not crave anything. I’ll say it again, I did not crave anything that would keep weight on my thighs or butt.

I know what to eat; I have known what to eat for decades. I have done every fad diet and every nutritional way of eating and yet, there it was; that annoying extra weight. Sometimes you just have to wait for the right combination to find you and then eating right, finishing a project, finding a new job, or a new lover, or a new home just happens.

What I have learned from going back to my small size clothes after more than a decade of struggle is this; don’t give up the quest, what you really need is there, somewhere. More important than that, stop beating yourself up and looking to others to give you the answers; doing what is good for you is easier if you give yourself a break.

Is Workplace Fear Toxic?

Monday, May 17th, 2010

I have been researching books and articles that talk about how to maneuver in a toxic workplace. I say, LET’S STOP USING THE WORD TOXIC!!!

Here are some definitions of the word: capable of causing injury or death; acting as or having the effect of a poison; extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful.

Once we see something as poisonous or harmful we tend to go right to the basic fight, flight, or flee  parts of the brain. We must find ways to survive, no matter what!

That is because first and foremost we are here to survive and propagate the species. Once the original mandate for our purpose is handled we have some wiggle room. We can build a bridge, paint a wall or a work of art, dance, sing, or just hang out.

TOXIC sets up such a fear reaction that it leaves us little room to look at the context and how each of us plays into the dreaded setting. Most books and articles suggest a warlike reaction. Protect yourself they state. TOXIC is out there, in the environment. It’s his fault, her fault, their fault.

We are given tools and tips on how to protect ourselves against co-workers, bosses and work environments that poison our day. I say nonsense and phooey to that kind of thinking.

As a workplace relationship expert , I am speaking out strongly that it is unhealthy to set up such a polarizing, positional way of looking at what goes on at work. There is an unnecessary epidemic, seeing the workplace as a germ infested breeding ground of hostility and malcontent.

I call it the “Sarah Palin Method“; set up controversy by tugging at basic fear attitudes that we all have to some degree and then stand back. This thinking is in the same arena as the dysfunctional family medals that people wear to explain their pain and discontent.

Each of us has a responsibility to look at the part we play in every situation in our lives. If it is toxic how do you participate? And remember, even by NOT participating, you still do!

Why meditation has a place in business

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

IMG_4131I love to visit Google for many reasons; the beautiful campus, the creative folks biking from building to building, the respectful and helping nature of the co-workers. I especially like to spend time with my friend Chade-Meng Tan who has been with Google since the early days. He is a smart engineer and a pioneer. He is a man on a mission: to make the world a more gentle and better place for all of us.

 

Here is an article from a Canadian Business Journal that gives a great flavor of how Meng has been helping Google become a model of leadership development that is just what the world needs now; self awareness and loving kindness. Enjoy

 

Mindfulness is being championed by a growing number of high-powered firms, including Google.

By Jordan Timm

Chances are that you’ll be interrupted before you finish reading this story, especially if you’re at work. It might be a phone call or a text message, a tweet or an e-mail. It might even be a real, live co-worker tugging at your sleeve. (Has it happened already? It’s OK. I’ll wait.) Studies suggest the average worker is interrupted once every 11 minutes; it takes on average about 25 minutes for that worker to get back on task. It’s just one of the everyday strains on the modern worker, and just one reason why some companies are incorporating meditation practices into the workplace, in a bid to preserve their employees’ productivity, never mind their mental health.

Increasingly applied in western psychology, the practice of mindfulness comes out of the Buddhist tradition of meditation, and is championed by a growing number of celebrities, athletes and executives. A report funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research defines mindfulness as “a kind of non-elaborative, nonjudgmental, present-centered awareness in which each thought, feeling, or sensation that arises in the attentional ?eld is acknowledged and accepted as it is.”

If that sounds far out, its proponents insist it produces very tangible workplace benefits. “When we’re mindful, we’re able to work from a presence of mind that enables us to be effective and efficient,” says Maria Gonzalez, co-author of the new book The Mindful Investor. Her Toronto-based Argonauta Consulting trains executives in mindfulness techniques. She says the practice creates a greater calm, helping workers better manage stress (and with U.S. companies losing an estimated $200 billion annually on stress-related workforce issues like absenteeism and subpar performance, that can make a big difference to the bottom line). What’s more, it improves workers’ ability to concentrate and focus. “The workplace benefits are enormous,” says Gonzalez, whose clients include BMO Financial Group, Ontario’s Hydro One and the Conference Board of Canada. “There’s personal resilience, and the ability to sustain performance. You’re able to prioritize better, your time management is better. You have an enhanced ability to understand client needs. You’re also much more creative, and come up with better solutions.”

The highest-profile example of a company investing in workplace mindfulness remains Google. One of the search giants’ original employees, a software engineer named Chade-Meng Tan, has invested a portion of the loot he garnered from Google’s IPO to research the scientific basis of meditation’s benefits. “The short story was, I wanted to create the conditions for world peace in my lifetime,” Tan says of his efforts. In 2007, he created the Search Inside Yourself program under the sponsorship of Google University, the company’s in-house employee education apparatus. That program, which Tan estimates has served as many as 500 Googlers, led to his current role as Google’s head of personal growth.

Search Inside Yourself focused on developing workers’ emotional intelligence, and educating them about the scientific underpinnings of material that can seem a touch New Agey. It incorporated instruction on mindful breathing and listening techniques that would offer personal benefits for its students, but with an eye on improving the company’s bottom line.

“We do not just teach empathy and compassion practices,” says Tan, “we also relate them to the skillful exercise of team leadership and also use those practices as a foundation for developing business-relevant skills like conducting difficult conversations and developing trust in teams. The idea is to make the business and employees far more effective (and hopefully, more profitable) by developing emotional intelligence company-wide. ‘Spiritual wellness’ and happiness are just the unavoidable side-effects.”

Google has since created meditation spaces around its campuses, and employees have organized classes. Of course, most of the business world still needs convincing of the merits of mindfulness, but Tan is optimistic it will gain traction. He cites the example of HP, which years ago was considered an oddball company for its notion that treating employees very well could increase profitability. “Today, it’s taken for granted by everyone, at least in Silicon Valley,” Tan says. “Similarly, one day, there will be a company that will demonstrate that having employees practise deep mindfulness and compassion is very good for business, and eventually, it will be taken for granted everywhere. I hope that company is Google.”

Leadership, Health and Safe Stress

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

We have just entered a new era of health care and it gives all of us an opportunity to participate in the discussion of what constitutes health and, let me add, well being.

stressI believe leadership development  must include ways for all employees to “practice safe stress”. What does that really mean? First, here is what we know: an overdose of stress, especially when it is continuous, plays havoc with our immune systems. We then become susceptible to all kinds of chronic illnesses, both physical and emotional.

Before CEO, Inc. morphed into a leadership enhancement, team building, and conflict resolution company, it was, for ten plus years a personal development center. Much of the focus was, and continues to be, on helping individuals, teams, and business executives find the way OUT of old, outdated ways of relating and communicating.

What we discovered in our journey to health and well being was that when we repeat old patterns learned from our original organization, the family, in present time relationships, stress is activated and can truly make us sick.

peacefulSo, this is an exciting time to go beyond the debate about insurance companies, best or worst hospitals, good or bad physician bedside manner, and focus on how to keep health premiums down by staying healthy.

There are tons of books about what to eat, the benefits of exercise, how meditation does make a difference, why it is important to spend time in nature. Our part of the puzzle is the way OUT of what no longer can serve you in relationships.

Practicing safe stress means being aware of what pushes your buttons and what to do about it. The OUT technique points the way to help you OBSERVE your behavior. Right away that will begin the process of diminishing stress. Then we help you UNDERSTAND where the patterns began for deeper and more long lasting change. Finally, you have the opportunity to TRANSFORM the behaviors that no longer serve you to their healthy and positive opposite.

I do believe if we all practiced safe stress our health care system would be used properly and effectively for emergency medicine and for those mysterious diseases that are still looking for a cure.

You can find out more about safe stress by taking the pattern aware quiz at www.sylvialafair.com. And as an added benefit you can contact us for help in going over the quiz with you.

Here is to a new era of health care for all of our citizens, and for all of us feeling the fire of being in optimum shape.

Leadership Strategies, Health Care and Obama’s Mandate

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

obama_healthcare1The historic health care bill passed the House and is headed for the Senate. It is of great importance since one of the major criteria for measuring the effectiveness of a society is how those who are sick are treated.

Having only a portion of the population feeling they are being tended properly when they become ill indicates patterns of avoidance. As citizens we are all entitled to get effective treatment and know we are part of a larger community that values each of us.

I believe that Obama’s determination to pass this bill is, in part, his obligation as President of our country. I also believe there is a personal desire to right a wrong done to his mother when she was dying from cancer and spent much of her day fighting with insurance companies to have her treatment covered.

There are so many horror stories of people who have either died because of lack of money for treatment or those who have spent their life savings or gone bankrupt because of health issues. Perhaps this historic time will be a change in direction for our country that has become so polarized that conflict resolution seems almost impossible.

And yet, while there are those who still posture and choose to stand in the way of progress, the majority of us can take a deep breath knowing that our society is better for moving from avoidance to becoming initiators of a new way. When the pattern of avoider moves to initiator stagnant old patterns are cast aside and the healthy winds of change have an opportunity to bring fresh ideas to blossom.

Obama and his colleagues who have worked relentlessly to overcome the obstacles and fears of old ways of thinking and helped our country face rather than continue to avoid the idea that “we are all in it together and no one wins unless we all do” are to be congratulated.

Elegant Leadership and Healthy Survival

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Learning how to live in the Safe Stress Zone™ is important for every decision you make.  Once you can stay at a place of observing before you act, your chances of getting out of a tough time with a positive outcome is greatly enhanced.

titanic_3Brain science indicates that our decisions are made based on emotions not logic. It is so fascinating that so many people can ignore evidence that is right in front of them that does not compute with their emotional decisions. Think “Titanic” and you get the picture.

Here is how it works. Experiences that occurred as children are attached to emotions and leave a strong imprint in the brain. Years later when a variation of the experience occurs it brings up the past memories and it is the emotional memory that will have the first chance of affecting a present decision.

An example that recently happened with one of my coaching clients went like this:  his father was swindled by a partner when this man was a child of about four. The family lost their home and the father ended up committing suicide a year later.

Vowing never to be in a difficult financial position this man spent his life accumulating a fortune. This past year his business has, like many, been caught in the down economy; however, he still has many millions of dollars. What is fascinating is his fear of being left with nothing and the depression that is a daily occurrence.

It became so bad he would not even buy strawberries because they were not on sale. He insisted the heat be turned down to an uncomfortable 60 degrees and his children were required to make peanut and jelly sandwiched to take for lunch.

That is until he began the long journey to practice safe stress and uncover the deep fear that he would end up like his father. This is not in his “imagination”, it is in his brain!

Finally, he is touching back into the old buried fears and anxieties that have kept him and his family captive. He has used the OUT Technique to OBSEVE, UNDERSTAND and TRANSFORM the past.

We now know that as new ideas and concepts are embraced the brain changes physically, it has a quality of plasticity so we do not have to be trapped by the past, we just have to help get our brain into the safe stress zone for healthy survival.

Leadership and Self Awareness

Monday, March 1st, 2010

There is an interesting new TV program airing this Friday; “Who Do You Think You Are?” based on finding the long lost ancestors of celebrities.

This is not just for the rich and the famous. I believe we all would benefit from finding out more about where we came from, and what patterns of behavior were handed down from generation to generation.

Most of us are interested in ourselves and don’t care all that much about the stories of those who came before us. We are polite when grandparents talk about “walking miles to school on dirt roads in flimsy shoes with only an apple for lunch.” We say to ourselves that times have changed and that was then, not the way it is now.  We want to stay in the present and not look back.

So, what is the value of searching for ancestors and finding out more about where we came from? Lisa Kudrow, of “Friends” fame and producer of the new series put it clearly “We always forget how important history is. It informs everything that happens after.”

In “Don’t Bring It to Work”,  there is a way to begin the search for your own history, because Kudrow is right, the past does inform everything that happens after. In the book is an outline of a “Sankofa Map”. The word Sankofa comes from Ghana and means “clear the past to free the present”.

What we know we can change, what remains hidden, can haunt us. No, it is not possible to know all the details; that is not what matters. What matters is finding the themes that have tumbled through our histories. So, often with a little time and willingness to dig down, the pieces of our personal histories are available to us.

It is so important for leaders to take the concept of self awareness into the long-ago past and find out how the patterns handed down from great grandparents to grandparents to parents to children through the ages impact decisions made right now.

The stories we learn about can be fascinating and shed light on why we do what we do. Every family has its share of heroes as well as villains and we can then pull on the positive patterns and stand on the shoulders of the past rather than repeat it.