Archive for the ‘Boss’ Category
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010
Workplace Conflict
So long as we see co-workers as the enemy, and conflict in a negative light we will almost never make real change happen. The following article is good one with interesting ideas. The thought of bringing guns to work with all the stress does seem crazy to me. If we revert to childish patterns, then suggesting we bring guns to work is akin to giving your five year old the keys to the car and telling them to have a good day!
If you think your workplace is toxic, get a load of this. Legislators in an American town called Nottingham have voted to allow employees to bring their guns to work. Despite an online poll showing that 73 per cent of people support the move, the decision was reversed last week due to public outrage. So, here are some tips on dealing with workplace conflict…without the weapons.
The most comprehensive study I could find on the topic was released in 2008 by CPP Inc, the publishers of the Myers-Briggs profiling tools. In their global research, which didn’t include Australia, they found that employees in the UK spent 1.8 hours a week dealing with workplace conflict. In the US it was 2.8 hours a week. I’m not sure where Australia sits on the time-wasting continuum, but even if it’s just an hour a week, that’s intense. Globally, 85 per cent of employees say it’s been a problem for them.
Workplace conflict is often unavoidable. Whether it’s colleague to colleague (I’ve had female employees threaten to stab each other), or between a boss and a staff member (I was once the recipient of death threats from an aggrieved worker), clashes are inevitable when you get different personalities working together for eight hours a day. The question becomes: what should you do when it happens?
Vivian Scott is a professional mediator and the author of Conflict Resolution at Work for Dummies. I asked her for five suggestions on what people can do when they’re confronted by conflict at work.
“The first thing is to just keep in mind that the other person is not against you,” she says. “They’re just for themselves. If something feels personal, it’s probably not. It’s just the other person trying to achieve something personally.”
To add to her first tip, conflict isn’t always bad. Healthy competition can be excellent for productivity and idea generation. But when it transforms into verbal warfare and open hostility, absenteeism spikes up and the conflict frequently doesn’t end until someone resigns.
“Secondly, try to figure out what it is they value. It might be respect, security, or economy, that kind of thing. If you spend some time trying to discover that information, then it’s easier for you to come up with a solution that could work for both of you.”
She’s on to something with respect. There was a big survey conducted by AchieveGlobal in 2009 where employees across all generations were asked for the most valued attribute at work. Respect came out on top.
“Thirdly, deal directly with the other person,” adds Scott. “Often it’s tempting to talk to third parties and that doesn’t solve anything. Building armies, amassing allies, and separating yourself from the other person rarely solves the issue. As much as possible, if you have a problem with someone, go to them.”
That might be tough in Australia. Several years ago, extensive research by Human Synergistics of 35,000 managers here and in New Zealand found that the most common style of management in this country was ‘avoidance’.
“Control what you can control and that means you,” is Scott’s fourth tip. “Control your own emotions and how you’re going to handle the situation. Adhere to a professional code of conduct despite what the other person is doing.”
I polled 2,400 employees to discover what they hated the most at work, and the results came as a total shock. The aspect of work that employees detest with the greatest ferocity? Their colleagues. Interestingly, what they also love the most are… their colleagues. So, if their workmates are brilliant, they’re in heaven. But if their workmates suck, they’re in hell.
“And lastly, find the learning experience,” she says. “Find the thing that’s going to move you ahead in terms of your professional conduct. Was there something you said or did that made this situation go longer or worse than it should have?”
Vivian Scott’s five suggestions aren’t exhaustive. But at the very least, they won’t have trigger-friendly employees reaching for the holster.
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Written by James Adonis, author of ‘Corporate Punishment: Smashing the management cliches for leaders in a new world’.
Sylvia Lafair’s Comment:
Good article, yet too simple. What I know is that when stress hits the hot button we all revert to behavior patterns we learned in our original organization, the family. That is where we learned about fairness, favoritism, arguing, authenticity, and whining. So, if your co-worker is acting like a baby…you’re right!
In “Don’t Bring It to Work” there are the 13 most common patterns we bring to work and tips on how to change them to their positive opposite.
Tags: Article, Conflict at Work, Conflict Resolution, Don't Bring It to Work, Negative Behavior, Pattersn, Toxic Workplace, Vivian Scott, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Boss, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Executive Teams, Family Conflict, Human Resources, Leaders, Leadership, Patterns | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
I was doing some research about the environment. My mind went to Henry David Thoreau and how he was a “gadfly” to keep people connected to nature. He was a searcher for the truth and knew that our inner nature is connected with outer nature.
His life, his writing, was about seeking the deeper meaning, of everything. We have become such a “sound bite” nation any idea that takes more than five words to express is ignored.
Maybe we do need to stop, during these summer months and be quiet in nature’s bounty. Sit with the tress and flowers, sit with the sand and water, sit with the stars at night, and just sit. It was in this quiet that Thoreau wrote “Walden“.
What does this have to do with work you are wondering; nothing and everything?
We are living in such a polluted world and it is not just the physical chemicals, the oil, and the trash that is bearing down on us. We are also burdened with workplace conflict that seems to get worse and worse all the time.
With my coaching clients I am hearing more and more disaffection that co-workers have with each other. With all the team building programs, all the pizza parties, all the community days set aside, there is still an edge of tension in most work environments.
This emotional pollution is causing untold stress and it tumbles from home to work to little league. What can be done?
The idea of being an office environmentalist came to me as I was researching information about Thoreau. He died at the young age of 44 and left a legacy for others, including Gandhi and Martin Luther King to look at what I am calling emotional pollution and take a stand.
We are spending way too much time yelling at company officers who have done poor jobs, not just BP, check out the poor quality cement work of Halliburton in the Gulf as another example.
It’s not about how bad “they” are. What about our personal responsibilities for maintaining our beautiful planet, for being kind and civil to each other at work, in our communities?
This Thoreau quote stayed with me, I offer it to you “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”
Take some quiet time this summer and think about how you can help get to the root.
Tags: Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Environment, Gadfly, Henry David Thoreau, Nature, Reflections, Silence, Sylvia Lafair, Truthteller, Workplace Conflict
Posted in Accountability, Boss, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Consulting, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Media, Nature, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, The Country Place, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Monday, June 14th, 2010
There is a fascinating debate in most companies about transparency. How open should you be? It sounds so good, doesn’t it? And yet…..
How much openness is enough? Open to what, to whom? When do you close the valve of self disclosure? What are the ramifications of bringing up the curtain on your inner life?
The discussion, part of a Total Leadership Connections session, went late into the night. Here is how it started:
We had finished the powerful second session of the four part program, the time when everyone has the opportunity to answer the pivotal question “What formed you? What are the patterns that were handed from generation to generation that you have carried into your life, both at home and a work?
No one is required to reveal anything. It is an individual decision what to say or not say. Yet this is one of the few times that a program is set for business people to look at the patterns they learned in their original organization, the family and how those patterns were transferred to their present work organization. The level of “aha’s” is astounding.
Okay, so the formal presentations were over and it was time to unwind and chat. One thing, as they say, led to another, and one of the participants turned to a colleague and said “Remember when I mentioned that my brother has been an outcast in our family? Until you talked about your sister who was the black sheep and how you decided to find her and bring her back into the fold I never thought about doing anything to help. I have been embarrassed and really never talk about her. It’s private and painful.”
They continued until a plan was formed to call the same private detective and begin a search. The intention was set; the plan would wait till the morning. Neither man had ever realized that the pain of a discounted family member had landed right in their work settings. They talked about how each had become a denier; when there were deep conflicts at work, the principle way it was handled was to get rid of the “problem” and make sure that everyone stayed happy and job focused. No one ever talked about the emotional undertow of someone who was fired or downsized. It was business as usual, as if the person who left had never existed; just like in their families.
The next day they sat together and called the detective. A search would begin for the missing brother.
Life, as we know, is always more intriguing that fiction. At a lunch break when folks were checking computers and phones, the lost brother surfaced. No need for detectives. It was as if the intention to reconnect was enough. These kinds of synchronises happen when we are ready and willing for change to happen. They make differences for us in all aspects of our lives, at home and at work.
The key to leadership is not about being open or closed, as much as it is about the where, when and how. I suggest that it is all in the timing.
Leaders need a safe place to explore what pushes their buttons and what to do about it. They need to connect the dots of how home and work lives connect. They need to factor in the emotional with the rational.
The best advice I can give is to find a safe program to get under the obvious of leadership and peel the layers away. You never know who or what you can find and have a happy ending.
Tags: Co-workers, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Denier, Family, Family Conflict, family patterns, Leaders, Leadership Development Programs, Patterns, Responsibility, Siblings, Total Leadership Connections, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Advice, Avoider, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Character, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Employers, Ethics, Family Conflict, Fear, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Trust, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Friday, June 11th, 2010
Being a boss is a big deal; so many plates to juggle. Hopefully you began your juggling career long before you moved into the manager or supervisor position. If not, keep throwing them in the air and practice, practice, practice.
Here are some suggestions to help you as you let go, catch, let go, catch. The worst crashes to the floor; the most contentious and difficult to manage concerns clarity.
Here is what to watch for so the plates with the whole enchilada don’t to hit the ground:
1. Political correctness is toxic. Egos, yours and others, are unfortunately often rewarded by saying what sounds good rather than what is true.
2. Confusion dissipates clarity. Make sure you talk in short, sentences that have headlines, deadlines, and real expectations attached.
3. Favoritism destroys enthusiasm. Everyone needs something from you and as long as you are fair they will feel you are taking care of them.
4. Patterns trump logic. Learn to know the specific ways your employees respond when stress is high and meet them with language they can hear.
5. Team meetings are people meetings. Always leave some time for the team to talk about what they want and need that is not part of the formal agenda; being heard is critical.
6. Performance issues do not dissolve. Everyone is waiting to see how you tackle poor performance and if you face it head on or let it slide.
7. Watch out for martyrs. They come in early, leave late, bring snacks for everyone and complain all the time. Stop the over-giving before it takes on an unhealthy life of its own.
8. Coach for success. Give private time to everyone and encourage the best that they have to offer and keep the bar high enough to push people past their comfort zone.
So, what is the main thing? Clarity and consistency are powerful tools. However, clarity wins over being consistent mainly because life has a way of throwing curve balls out there and forcing us to change the way we do things based on new circumstances.
If you hear your staff saying they are confused you must stop everything and find ways to clear up the confusion. That will make both your job easier and their ability to follow you lead much smoother.
Here is a great way to help you gain clarity and eliminate confusion. When you think to yourself “I don’t know what to do here” simply take a breath, close your eyes and open them, do this about half dozen times. Then say to yourself, “If you did know what would you do”? Listen closely to the first thing that comes into your mind, it is usually a perfect answer for the situation.
Also, use this with others. Whenever you hear those deflating words “I don’t know” have the person take a breath, blink their eyes and then ask “If you did know”. It is a way of accessing inner creativity that may seem like magic, who knows, maybe it is. In any case, it works and you can keep the juggling going and going and going!
Tags: behavior patterns, Boss, Career, Clairty, Coaching, Communication, Egos, Employees, Martyr, Patterns, Performance, Supervisor, Team Meetings, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Advice, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Management, Meetings, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 10th, 2010
When you have meetings with your boss do you know what is truly expected of you? Is your boss mainly interested in reports and results? Does she ask you questions or sit wait until you finish? Can you talk about your feelings? What do you know about each other past the projects at work? Does any of that really matter anyway?
The answer is “YES”. The better the relationship with a boss, the better the way you respond at work.
However, this is not about your boss jumping through hoops to please you, nor vice versa. It is about a mutual relationship that is the responsibility of both of you.
Most of us have been programmed to see the boss as an authority figure. In fact, most of us are programmed with memories of childhood and how we related to our parents and no matter how much we want to see the boss as just a man or woman who has authority over many of our decisions, remnants of mom or dad (or another primary caretaker) colors our reactions.
It is critical to learn how to manage your boss the same way you manage your subordinates. Just remember, you are two people who life has thrown together for a period of time to learn from and help whenever possible.
To learn the best way to approach your boss you need to do some personal work first. Find some private time where you won’t be interrupted. An hour is good. Then answer the following questions. Write the answers down so you can look at them in a week or two.
1. Think about your parents and answer: who was there for you when you were young? How did either parent teach you about how to get along at school and with siblings? Who comforted you when you were scared?
2. How were you rewarded when you did a good job? Who was the person who punished you the most? What were the punishments? What are your memories about success and failure?
3. Did you get encouragement to do difficult things or were you on the easy track to play it safe. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike and who taught you?
Okay, bring your thoughts back to today and to work. Just do a quick scan of how your boss may resemble your mom or dad. Don’t dwell on it just answer this question: how do you feel supported by your boss. Next, what do you need that you are not getting from him or her?
Now you are ready for the meeting with your boss. Awareness is all you need, not discussion. So long as you have a sense of the underlying emotions that go with a meeting with an authority figure you are in a good place. The business is to come to an agreement on both sides; find out specifically what she needs from you and tell her specifically what you need from her.
Most bosses will value this type of dialogue. It creates a healthy playing field without the land mines that are so often there when a boss is expected to make up for the empty places unfilled from childhood disappointments.
One of the biggest culprits of negativity between boss and employee is in this uncharted, gray area of how memories spill from parent- child to boss-employee relationships. How you and your boss manage expectations will be a big factor in how you, as boss, manage your direct reports.
Learn from your meeting with your boss. It is up to you to develop positive relationships and not wait. You may even want to have a new kind of discussion with those closer to home about expectations. Can’t hurt!
Tags: Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Childhood Recognition, Meetings, Parents, Responsibility, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Character, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Executive Teams, Family Conflict, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, Patterns, Relationships, Total Leaders, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 9th, 2010
Where do you think you waste the most amount of time at work? Is it spending time gnawing on your hurt feelings about upsets with co-workers? Is it rewriting reports that have been done poorly by direct reports? Is it intervening in workplace conflict that is dragging your team down? Maybe it is in the time wasted in overly long, boring, or unnecessary meetings.
There is mental waste, emotional waste, and physical waste that can be eliminated at work that once cleaned out creates a more efficient, economical, and time saving culture.
Take meetings for example. They have been called the “black hole” of the workplace. Most people when asked, say they dread the length of time spent in meetings that are often seen as unnecessary and insignificant.
So many meetings are of the “just because” variety; just because it’s Monday, or just because we are senior leadership, or just because we are on the committee.
Take the time to evaluate routine, regularly scheduled meetings. The question to answer is “What is the key purpose?”
Once you decide the meeting has value follow the following rules and you will have waste management under control.
1. Meetings are living theater. Have a title and an outline of important issues.
2. Start and end on time. The curtain goes up, the play is the thing, and the curtain goes down. Run your meetings to stay within the structure of theater and you won’t go wrong.
3. Have a main theme: No more than two subplots or you will lose the audience.
4. Facilitator is the director. Keep the meeting lively and make sure all the “actors” know what is expected of them. Pre-rehearse with the main characters so they are prepared with reports and power points if necessary.
5. Present with panache. Pictures are truly worth a thousand words. The brain will remember one picture sprinkled with emotional words longer and better than a long dissertation with vast numbers of numbers.
6. Careful with handouts. Less is more in this overly stimulating world. Give a single page with key phrases rather than an entire presentation to follow.
7. Ask questions. Give participants space to think in new ways and have time for Q&A. The key to successful meetings is engagement and involvement.
Meetings that are structured like theater are remembered and successful. The first few you do may be like off, off Broadway. However, as you become more comfortable with plot, subplot and the emotional aspect of drawing people into the importance of what you are doing for your team and your company you will get more and more buy-in. Who knows, Broadway is always looking for great stories, maybe one of your meetings can become a major winner. So, start thinking, which star would you like to play you in the theater production?
Tags: Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Leadership, Leadership Develoment Programs, leadership programs, Leadership Strategies, Presentations, Time Management, Time Saving, Workplace, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Advice, Boss, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Management, Money, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »
Monday, May 17th, 2010
I have been researching books and articles that talk about how to maneuver in a toxic workplace. I say, LET’S STOP USING THE WORD TOXIC!!!
Here are some definitions of the word: capable of causing injury or death; acting as or having the effect of a poison; extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful.
Once we see something as poisonous or harmful we tend to go right to the basic fight, flight, or flee parts of the brain. We must find ways to survive, no matter what!
That is because first and foremost we are here to survive and propagate the species. Once the original mandate for our purpose is handled we have some wiggle room. We can build a bridge, paint a wall or a work of art, dance, sing, or just hang out.
TOXIC sets up such a fear reaction that it leaves us little room to look at the context and how each of us plays into the dreaded setting. Most books and articles suggest a warlike reaction. Protect yourself they state. TOXIC is out there, in the environment. It’s his fault, her fault, their fault.
We are given tools and tips on how to protect ourselves against co-workers, bosses and work environments that poison our day. I say nonsense and phooey to that kind of thinking.
As a workplace relationship expert , I am speaking out strongly that it is unhealthy to set up such a polarizing, positional way of looking at what goes on at work. There is an unnecessary epidemic, seeing the workplace as a germ infested breeding ground of hostility and malcontent.
I call it the “Sarah Palin Method“; set up controversy by tugging at basic fear attitudes that we all have to some degree and then stand back. This thinking is in the same arena as the dysfunctional family medals that people wear to explain their pain and discontent.
Each of us has a responsibility to look at the part we play in every situation in our lives. If it is toxic how do you participate? And remember, even by NOT participating, you still do!
Tags: Fear, Fight, Flee, Flight, Relationships, Tools and Tips, Toxic, Workplace
Posted in Boss, Business, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Family Business, Fear, Health, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Patterns, Total Leaders, leadership development | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, April 28th, 2010
Where do you spend most of your day? What do you think about much of the time? Why do you do it? Whenever I ask people about their experiences at work I still hear the “It pays the mortgage, it pays for my kid’s college tuition, it pays for my car, vacation, clothes.”
Work is more, so, so much more. Think about it, how you engage at work is how you live your life. It is where you go for some of the best life lessons. All you have to do is pay attention.
Here is an example that was just told to me by a family member. It made me realize that we are always tested and what happens when the mortgage, tuition, material objects, vacations, take a back seat to values and purpose.
David was asked to “fudge” the records so a client would not receive a rebate due him. It was a substantial amount of money. It was not put as crudely as “fudge” the records. It was done in a suave sophisticated manner. Yet, the bottom line was “we keep the money and he does not get it.”
After a sleepless night this young man went to his boss and in a clear, straight forward manner told him he could not participate and asked his boss to reconsider what he had proposed.
Was he nervous? “Internal sweating “was what I was told later. He and his wife had just purchased a new home and boy, was the mortgage ever front and present in his mind.
Yet, he was willing to risk it all by doing what he believed was the right thing. Work, he stated to me, really does show what you are made of, it really does show what you value and what really makes a difference. This was leadership development at its core.
He also told me that he had thought hard and deep about his pattern of being a pleaser, he had been one who would say “yes” at all costs to be liked, to be accepted, and to be the favorite.
He also told me that exploring the positive aspect of the pleaser pattern, the truth teller, had given him the courage to speak up. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” there is a bolded sentence: “Telling the truth is not spilling your guts“. That is the sentence that he took with him into his boss’s office.
Outcome: The boss apologized. He realized what he had suggested smacked of bad judgment. He was in a hurry and had not thought through implications of what he had said.
David had broken the spell of the pleaser and took a stand for what is ethical and right. This story has a happy ending. Many don’t. However, if you keep in mind that your actions and reactions at work are a measure of who you are as an individual you can walk with a proud step and even better, sleep guilt free at night.
Transforming ingrained behavior patterns is key to learning, growing and enjoying your vocation. Work is so much more than merely a job!
And please check out the Wall Street Journal article that talks about “Don’t Bring It to Work” and behavior patterns at play in our present organizations.
Tags: Communication, Conflict, Don't Bring It to Work, Family, Integrity, Leader, Leadership, leadership development, Patterns, Wall Street Journal, Work, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Boss, Business, Character, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Executive Teams, Family Business, Family Conflict, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns, Total Leaders, Trust, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »
Sometimes I think we are looking at little tidbits of information hoping that will give us easy answers. Partly we all have been trained to sort and judge, sort and judge, sort and judge. It is initially more complex to look at the whole enchilada, the whole system for answers.
We just finished one of the most rewarding retreats of…. forever!
