Archive for the ‘Neuroscience’ Category
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
There has been a fascinating discussion going on for several weeks on the Leadership Think Tank Group on LinkedIn. The question is “If you could teach one thing to a young leader what would it be?”
There have been over 250 responses and the vast array of answers creates a composite of the myriad aspects of leadership development. It does seem that the largest number of answers believe that leadership is an art and craft that can be learned.
One particular answer by Tom Tavares caught my attention. He talks about helping leaders with the vital skill of problem solving under pressure. He states “Based on 500 in-depth profiles of leaders in a wide variety of industries, 80% or more fall back on their own problem-solving skills when under pressure. Leaders start their careers as specialists and are strong problem-solvers. When pressure builds, fixing things themselves provides a sense of control.”
This is so true and is something we all need to consider when the going is tough. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” I talk about the fact that when stress hits the hot button we all tend to revert to patterns of behavior learned in our original organization, the family and that is what we bring into the workplace.
Think about how you coped under pressure when you were eight or ten or fourteen. Now, look at how you problem solve in your adult life at work? What are the common threads? this will help you find the way out to new and more effective behavior.
In the third session of our Total Leadership Connections program problem solving is a key theme. Participants have the opportunity to do a “Pep Talk” concerning a problem-solving issue of their choosing. They can decide to address a work issue or one closer to home. Pep Talk stands for “Pattern Encounter Process” and there is the opportunity to look at the long-term behavior patterns, the coping mechanisms that absolutely pop-up unconsciously when there is stress and anxiety.
What is amazing is how hard it is to see it on ourselves when we are in those stress-filled moments. We learned how to survive when we were kids. How do I know? Just look in the mirror; we’re still here. Trouble is what worked for us as youngsters is not always the best solution as an adult.
Think about it; did you take the fight or flight route? Many a young leader both takes the offensive and is a persecutor and finger pointer in getting through tough times. Others take the avoider route and figures everything will handle itself if I just wait long enough. Others become the victim, some the rescuers. There are the deniers who look a problem square in the face and say “No big deal”.
We can see so many of the patterned responses playing out in the tragedy of the BP oil fiasco. But wait, before you cast the first stone, look inside and think about your own leadership manner of working through tough times at work.
Back to Tom Tavares advice; he suggests leaders take the route of collaboration saying “one mind and many hands is less intelligent than many minds in solving problems from the outset.” I agree that this can help stop the old patterned responses from taking over. Being able to use your leadership team in a cooperative manner and making sure there is openness to question decisions can lead to better and best decisions in the long run.
Tags: Behavior, Collaboration, Communication, Discussion, Family, Leadership, leadership development, Leadership Think Tank, LinkedIn, Organization, Original Origanization, Patterns, Problem-Solving, Tom Tavares, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships, Young Leader
Posted in Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Diversity, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family Business, Family Conflict, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Reflections, Relationships, Stress, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, Young Leaders, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Monday, March 1st, 2010
There is an interesting new TV program airing this Friday; “Who Do You Think You Are?” based on finding the long lost ancestors of celebrities.
This is not just for the rich and the famous. I believe we all would benefit from finding out more about where we came from, and what patterns of behavior were handed down from generation to generation.
Most of us are interested in ourselves and don’t care all that much about the stories of those who came before us. We are polite when grandparents talk about “walking miles to school on dirt roads in flimsy shoes with only an apple for lunch.” We say to ourselves that times have changed and that was then, not the way it is now. We want to stay in the present and not look back.
So, what is the value of searching for ancestors and finding out more about where we came from? Lisa Kudrow, of “Friends” fame and producer of the new series put it clearly “We always forget how important history is. It informs everything that happens after.”
In “Don’t Bring It to Work”, there is a way to begin the search for your own history, because Kudrow is right, the past does inform everything that happens after. In the book is an outline of a “Sankofa Map”. The word Sankofa comes from Ghana and means “clear the past to free the present”.
What we know we can change, what remains hidden, can haunt us. No, it is not possible to know all the details; that is not what matters. What matters is finding the themes that have tumbled through our histories. So, often with a little time and willingness to dig down, the pieces of our personal histories are available to us.
It is so important for leaders to take the concept of self awareness into the long-ago past and find out how the patterns handed down from great grandparents to grandparents to parents to children through the ages impact decisions made right now.
The stories we learn about can be fascinating and shed light on why we do what we do. Every family has its share of heroes as well as villains and we can then pull on the positive patterns and stand on the shoulders of the past rather than repeat it.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Communication, Conflict, Emotions, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Health, History, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Money, Neuroscience, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, Relationships, Sankofa
Posted in Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Health, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology, leadership development | No Comments »
Thursday, February 25th, 2010
Sometimes there is a frustrating moment when you are not sure what you see, hear, and feel is making sense to anyone but you. It is making you crazy. Are you the only one wondering what is going on in this meeting? Are you are the only one sensing the tension and disconnect?
Maybe, just maybe, it is not what is happening in the room at that exact time. Perhaps, it is a memory trace of a past event in your life, and there you are, in a sense, re-living it.
The scientific term for this is called an engram. Here is an example: You are a toddler and the family is going to the beach for the first time. Everyone is excited about flying from land-locked Oklahoma to Florida.
Your parents talk about swimming in the ocean, the warm blue water and the pretty white waves. You are old enough to know this will be special.
Then you get to the beach and it is pouring rain. You stand with your family on the motel patio and sense the upset and annoyance.
Now, fast-forward: you are a grown-up and you are taking your family to the beach. It is a sunny day and everything is working perfectly; except, you are depressed and sad. Do you feel as though you are crazy? Of course you do!
Blame it on your brain. The old trace memory from long ago has kicked in, and while it is certainly possible to shake off the upset, you wonder why it happened in the first place.
Many times we can go back and connect the dots of old memories; often we can’t. So, if your feelings are not connected to the situation of the moment, know it is an earlier pattern from the past at play.
Remember: 1. You do bring your past with you whether you want to or not.
2. Every thought and situation is recorded in your memory system.
3. Present reactions may be knee-jerk responses to the past.
So, when the guy next to you in a meeting says something that presses your buttons non-stop, ask yourself if this is from what is actually happening in the present, or does he remind you of your older, know-it-all brother who used to drive you crazy?
You can learn more about patterns by going to www.sylvialafair.com and take the pattern aware test to see what drives you to distraction.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Coaching, Communication, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Psychology, Relationships, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Employers, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Transformation, Trust | No Comments »
Monday, February 22nd, 2010
This is a time for women to pat themselves on the back for all the successes that have come in the last 60 years. The role of women has changed dramatically, and it has been mostly a quiet revolution.
But there have been some loud bumps and bleeps along the way, like the angry wife who took action to cut off her husband’s private parts, rather than just wish she could. With the rash of cheaters now making the headlines that may be something to rethink instead of all the shame-faced public apologies. Scratch that, it was just a wandering thought!
Since, within the next several months women will become the majority of the workforce, and we know there is power in numbers, it is an important time to think about what we, both female and male, want to have as change initiative, moving forward.
I would like to underline the importance of a partnership model. Women and men need to talk in a new and more effective way. It is about how we connect and relate around the things that matter most – our relationships and how to be stewards for the future generations.
Not enough air time has been given to these priorities, and as a society I believe we are suffering and self- medicating through substances, sex, and shopping.
There is a new feminism (what about a new ‘malism’) that takes into account the differences in the way men and women are wired. We need to find a middle way that takes into account how male and female brains process information. Not good or bad, just DIFFERENT.
Even more importantly, we need to take into account the legacy we hand to the next generation. So far, we, and that means all of us, have not gotten high marks here. What are we teaching our kids about what it means to be a woman, a man, a business person, a citizen, a human being?
The workplace is the place where change can happen and happen quickly. It is the place that has changed the most in the past century. It is the place that women and men can begin a true dialogue and real partnership can occur.
Tags: Celebrity cheaters, Change initiative, Cheaters, Female vs Male thinking, Feminism, Future generations, Models, Partnership model, Pulbic apologies, Relationships, Self-medicating, Substance abuse, Women vs Men, Women's revolution, Women's success
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Executive Teams, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Marital coaching, Media, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, The media, Transformation, Trust, Uncategorized, Women in the workplace, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010
We are living in an era of polarities. Our government is a house divided, not just by being Republicans and Democrats, but by taking extreme views on just about everything and then, as we all see, nothing happens. We are polarized, and we are stuck.
Same thing happens in the workplace when there is too much emphasis on only thinking about the positive. In an organization that leaves no room for dissent, we get a variation of the movie “Pleasantville” (if you haven’t seen it, it is worth the time).
There are ideas that if you focus only on the positive then, like magic, the genie will appear and you will get what you want. That is the premise of the book “The Secret” that has made millions for the authors and has done little for readers.
Recently I heard someone say “If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your definite plans”. There is a mystery to our lives, and part of joining into the essence of that mystery is to be real, and to accept the ebb and flow of life in its entirety.
What do I mean by being real? That means accepting the bitter with the better, and telling ourselves and others the truth about what we see, think and feel.
The new way of doing things is to find a balance between looking at the good in our lives, and being appreciative, as well as letting our angry, sad, or disappointed emotions show.
After the super-bowl, the coach, Jim Caldwell showed what real is in an appropriate way. He acknowledged that he and the team were upset, and yes, they would sulk for awhile. Then they would bounce back and use the disappointment of losing this big game to their advantage for next year.
I guarantee that the best way to handle being upset is to…well, be upset. You really don’t move on until you get the hurt and sadness out. If it sits in you, it leads to long term patterns of avoidance and denial, two of the most common and destructive patterns that can destroy a team or a company.
You can see the results of too much of phony happiness and what to do about it in “Don’t Bring It to Work”. Learn to monitor your own behavior so you don’t get caught in the trap of playing “let’s pretend”.
Tags: Anger in the workplace, Balance, Humor in the workplace, Jim Caldwell, Life's plans, Polarities, Super Bowl Coach
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Employers, Executive Teams, Fear, Health, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Psychology, Reflections, Transformation, Trust, leadership development | No Comments »
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
We all hear each other, can’t help that. Even when we put our fingers in our ears, much of the sound bleeds through. It’s easier to close our eyes and block out the view. With sound, it is much more difficult.
When a leader is making a point and wants what he or she is saying to register in another person’s brain, the most important thing to do is check out what is said – often what is said is not always what we really hear. Let me repeat………Often we say things thinking we have gotten through to others, and they stare at us blankly. The sounds went in, not the meaning.
To get your point across, you must be consistent, clear, and credible. Listen up! To get your point across you must be, let me say it again — consistent… clear… and……….. credible.
Now let me take what I said even deeper. Research by the Pritchard Group indicates that to really, and I mean really, really prove your point, you need to repeat what you have said eight times. Yes, that is correct EIGHTtimes.
When you repeat concepts with consistent words and actions eight times, your chances of getting key points across increase exponentially. You see, repeating what you want heard eight times gives your nervous system time to fire the neurons in a repetitious way.
Now, most of you never heard of Hebb’s Law, yet it will help you right now. Hebb was a neuroscientist who came up with a great sound bite. He did this in an era when sound bites were uncommon, and so he was a real pioneer in science and in marketing. His law states that “neurons that fire together wire together”.
If he were alive today, he would encourage you to repeat your important statements eight times. My guess is that Hebb would also suggest that when you repeat your statements eight times, you need to be along with consistent, clear and credible. And, he would assure you that by the time you get to your eighth repetition, you will be known as a consistent, clear and credible leader.
This really works. Today we would call it pattern repetition. And what we want to do is reinforce healthy patterns like: courage, collaboration, and cooperation. That’s what we do in our Total Leadership Connections program (repeat this last paragraph seven more times please!)
Now it’s time for a pop quiz:
To be a leader who is seen as consistent, clear, and credible, how many times should you repeat your statements to drive a concept home? Mail your answer to me at www.sylvialafair.com and get a surprise prize…..or maybe eight!
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Hearing each other, Leadership, leadership programs, Listening, Repititions, Team Building, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Education, Employers, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Trust, leadership development | 1 Comment »
Friday, January 22nd, 2010
The saga o
f John Edwards is more tragic than it is disgusting. Here is a man who has lied and lied, not just to the world, but most importantly, to himself. And my big question is why we, as a nation, are so gullible? Why did we take so long to see his charade?
Were there aspects of his tendency to cover the truth when he was running for President of the United States? He always posed with such a pretty face and spoke such pretty words. I remember having an annoying feeling in my gut that all was not right with his world and yet, and yet….it takes determination and a capacity for tenacity to even become a contender for the White House crown. He had credentials and had been vetted by his colleagues, deemed worthy of the job.
The day I knew he was down in the dirt of it was when he visited his “past relationship” late at night and on his way out was caught by a reporter and made a dash to run and hide. That made me cringe, thinking about how he would have handled a major international crisis.
Now, I can only hope he finds a way to make peace with all of his relationships: his ill wife, his children with her, his “mistress”, and the love-child they brought into the world.
This type of situation goes deeply into the psyches of the next generation, and the next. In our Total Leadership Connections program, participants are asked to chart their family history – to learn what patterns of the past have influenced their present thinking and behavior. It is an eye opening process that helps leaders become clear about what “baggage” they carry into their important jobs.
Perhaps all captains of industry, all leaders of organizations, all who are in positions of power for the public good need to take the time to do what we have named the “Sankofa Map”. The term Sankofa is from Ghana, from its mythology and means “clear the past to free the present”.
The wisdom of older cultures is that they took into account the behaviors of ancestors. There was a sense that what was done would impact both present and future generations. These concepts might serve us well in this day of instant gratification and power paradigms.
For John Edwards, Elizabeth, et al., I can only hope that there is a period of honesty and truth telling that can begin the long, arduous process of clearing the past to free the present.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Business, Communication, Consulting, Emotions, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, History, John Edwards, Leaders, Leadership, Media, neuropsychology, Neuroscience, pattern aware, Patterns, Sankofa
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Honor, Leaders, Leadership, Marital coaching, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Political distrust, Politics, Power, Psychology, The media, Transformation, Trust | No Comments »
Friday, January 8th, 2010
I saw an article in The Citizen-Times.com, Ashville North Carolina that struck a cord with me. Michael Steele, chairman of the Republican National Committee, in promoting his book, referred to Native Americans as “injuns”.
How many times have racial slurs slipped into a talk and ignored? When do we all stop and say “No more!”? Why is there still a propensity to put down groups of people, to make them seem less than?
In my work with cultural sensitivity and diversity, I teach that it comes from a deep, dark place in individuals and in groups. It is a safety device attempting to ward off the threat of “others”. “If they are not like me, they must be a danger to me.”
This kind of thinking lives in the older parts of the social brain and has caused wars and constant disaffection among people.
“Injun”, is no different than “kike”, “spic”, “dago”, “nigger”, or “gook” - it is intended to target a person or group of people, and make them seem unimportant, insignificant. It is a method of making those who use these terms to feel powerful and in control, and makes those who once felt like victims become victimizers. This is sadly, a common psychological mechanism that needs much more exploration, not just in personal matters, of physical or sexual abuse, but also in cultural abuse.
In her article, B. Lynne Harlan, a member of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians, raises the vital question: “When are we going to hold our leaders to a higher standard”?
This is a key discussion point for all programs: Be they MBA’s, leadership development, executive education, conflict resolution, team building, corporate governance, and the like.
It is time for all of us to look at the crusted, corroded arrogance and dissention that lives in our personal psyches and begin to clean up the inner pollution that causes as much damage as the toxins caused by machines in our external environment.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Economy, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family-Based Patterns, Health, History, Leaders, Leadership, Media, neuropsychology, Neuroscience, Patterns, Power, Relationships, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Health, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, The media, leadership development | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
If you are an executive leader, human resource professional, management consultant, or emerging high potential manager, it is vital for you to understand what goes on inside the heads and hearts of employees to help them become the best they can be. That is your golden globe or Oscar – to help people into excellence.
The more you know how your words and actions impact others, the better you can be at directing a situation to a positive end point. Take for example, the almost universal craving for chocolate. Godiva has made a fortune from knowing how to package this desire into beautifully crafted candy. You can take the newest knowledge from neuroscience and do the same.
Did you ever wonder if we have a “chocolate gene” hidden somewhere in our biology? Actually the answer is in the limbic system of the brain. One study by Matthew Lieberman and Golnaz Tabibnia indicated that people were more positive when a dollar was split fairly giving each individual 50 cents than when they received $8 and another person received $17 out of a $25 bounty. Interesting, more money was not the issue, it was one of fairness. Other studies have indicated that the same feeling of satisfaction that we get from chocolate occurs when we are treated fairly.
How does that affect you at work? If you are the CEO of a company and you treat your senior team fairly, there will be a satisfaction factor beyond bonuses and appreciation awards. If you are a project manager and you are really careful not to “play favorites”, you will find there is more cooperation and also more creative problem solving.
Many of the HR issues that cause feverish sweats in companies are due to the fairness factor. People are often willing to fight ‘to the death’ when they feel they have been treated unfairly. Most class-action suits are fairness based. They cost huge amounts of goodwill, along with the money.
Think about how your actions impact the social brain and the limbic system where threat and hostility are activated. Then stop and decide how you can handle a situation in a more even handed way. It’s like giving chocolate to a baby!
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Communication, Conflict, Cooperation and teamwork, Diversity, Economy, Education, Emotions, Employee appreciation, Employee recognition, Ethics, Executive Teams, Fair treatment, Leadership, Matthew Lieberman and Golnaz Tabibnia, Psychology, Team Building, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Employee burnout, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Fear, Health, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, Transformation, Women in the workplace, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
Are leaders measured by different standards than the rest of us? If not, they should be! They are the ones who set the standards of what matters at work, or in society, and if they are in the “Follow me, I know the best way to go” mode, then we really need to ask and understand what and why we should follow.
It is time to evaluate our teachers, our politicians, our gurus by standards that show they live what they teach. However, are sports stars or media moguls in the same classification? They are great at letting us know the best way to swing a bat, make a basket, run a race or what to wear to be hip and in. That is a far different cry than how to live a life.
What are the questions we should be asking of our leaders? Do we have a right to ask about their personal lives or is it enough that they show us how to make money or gain an edge over our competition at work?
Perhaps all the “news” about affairs and betrayals are exploding so that we can ask the real questions about what it means to compose a life, to live with integrity. All leadership development programs need a section to look at the ethics of living a purposeful life, one that can withstand today’s demand for radical transparency.
Eugene Robinson’s article in The Washington Post is a great example of what we are searching for in our own lives as we explore the foibles and mistakes of others. A big question is why we are spending so much time dissecting Tiger Woods and his troubles when we have global warming and starvation and wars to contend with. Perhaps we are all looking at the rich and famous and seeing ourselves in them, No, not the big houses or shiny cars, more the underlying human dilemmas of what it really takes to be happy aside from the glitz and glitter.
Maybe it is time for us to sit with each other and redefine success. Do the Tiger Woods of the world exemplify successful living just because they can be golf wizards or Wall Street magicians?
It is time for all of us to think about, and share with each other, how we can bring forth in our culture what we all desire: love, truth, fairness, trust, and empathy. If out of all the messes in relationships we have seen this year, we can begin to open up dialogues about our human connection, then Tiger, Governor Sanford, Bernie Madoff, and the like will have given us a gift beyond just the ramble of gossip.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Leaders, leadership programs, Media, Money, pattern aware, Relationships, Resilience, Stress, Super Achiever
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Education, Ethics, Health, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Marital coaching, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Super Achiever, The media, leadership development | No Comments »