Archive for the ‘Super Achiever’ Category
Thursday, February 25th, 2010
Sometimes there is a frustrating moment when you are not sure what you see, hear, and feel is making sense to anyone but you. It is making you crazy. Are you the only one wondering what is going on in this meeting? Are you are the only one sensing the tension and disconnect?
Maybe, just maybe, it is not what is happening in the room at that exact time. Perhaps, it is a memory trace of a past event in your life, and there you are, in a sense, re-living it.
The scientific term for this is called an engram. Here is an example: You are a toddler and the family is going to the beach for the first time. Everyone is excited about flying from land-locked Oklahoma to Florida.
Your parents talk about swimming in the ocean, the warm blue water and the pretty white waves. You are old enough to know this will be special.
Then you get to the beach and it is pouring rain. You stand with your family on the motel patio and sense the upset and annoyance.
Now, fast-forward: you are a grown-up and you are taking your family to the beach. It is a sunny day and everything is working perfectly; except, you are depressed and sad. Do you feel as though you are crazy? Of course you do!
Blame it on your brain. The old trace memory from long ago has kicked in, and while it is certainly possible to shake off the upset, you wonder why it happened in the first place.
Many times we can go back and connect the dots of old memories; often we can’t. So, if your feelings are not connected to the situation of the moment, know it is an earlier pattern from the past at play.
Remember: 1. You do bring your past with you whether you want to or not.
2. Every thought and situation is recorded in your memory system.
3. Present reactions may be knee-jerk responses to the past.
So, when the guy next to you in a meeting says something that presses your buttons non-stop, ask yourself if this is from what is actually happening in the present, or does he remind you of your older, know-it-all brother who used to drive you crazy?
You can learn more about patterns by going to www.sylvialafair.com and take the pattern aware test to see what drives you to distraction.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Coaching, Communication, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Psychology, Relationships, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Employers, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Transformation, Trust | No Comments »
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010
hubris: overbearing pride or presumption
The word hubris is a fascinating one. It contains a warning: When you are too sure of yourself, beware of a fall!!! It is a great lesson to learn, both on a personal and a professional level.
Remember Enron; weren’t they called “the smartest guys in the room?” Whatever happened to Atari? How about Fannie Mae? Those who work, or used to work, on Wall Street have had to, or should look up the word hubris.
And Toyota. What do we say about that icon of excellence? A key to looking at what goes wrong with great companies is detailed in a book written by Jim Collins “How the Mighty Fall”. It is an important analysis of what he calls “the arc of tragedy” that can happen to the best of companies when hubris comes calling.
Collins outlines five key points to pay attention to. So, if your company is having a high-time, even in this still wobbly economy, pay attention. At the first stage, where hubris is magnified, there is a sense of invincibility; nothing can change the trajectory of success. The pattern of denial enters front and center and everyone is so busy congratulating each other that there are no checks and balances, no little kid saying that maybe the emperor is naked.
Next is the “more is better” mindset. As anthropologist Gregory Bateson pointed out, “At some point more, including even oxygen, becomes toxic”. This seems to be the curse of our modern society, and perhaps the present economy is helping to create a course correction. Core values become greed and over- expansion.
Then denial becomes pathological. Bad news is ignored and distorted rose-colored glasses are worn by everyone in the company (or the country). This is where the proverbial deck chairs are rearranged, i.e.: reorganized without being able to admit what is not working and make basic changes.
Next phase is common in companies, as well as personal relationships. Maybe an acquisition will make it all better, or for a couple it’s time to have a baby to solve the difficulties. There is a sense of desperation and none of the core issues are targeted. More denial and salve, with no medicinal value.
Finally, the great have fallen, and as we have seen all too often in the past several years, there is the death of a company, a last gasp before patterns of denial and avoidance offer the final blow?
Is it time we look hubris in the face, own our own shadow behaviors, and learn a new way to transform companies, transform ourselves, when we get so far off track? The next few months should be great learning times for all of us.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Business, Communication, Economy, Executive Teams, hubris, Jim Collins, Leadership, Patterns, self-reflection, Toyota, Workplace Relationships
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Monday, February 1st, 2010
Leadership and creativity are linked at a core level. Great leaders are also artists in many areas. The following amazing photographs show us how, if we trust each other and find that core creative place, we can make the ordinary extraordinary!
In Japan, rice is essential to life, both for food and as a way of life. Rice planting season has made this very small island culture into one where there is cooperation and collaboration. You can only plant and harvest rice in certain seasons, and it takes the effort of many to make this happen. Once the basics of planting are no longer an issue, look at the creativity that can come with doing the same thing year after year and making it new and unique.
As I looked at these photographs I wondered who came up with the ideas. Then I thought……………who cares? It is a team effort, and the results speak for themselves. Having been to Japan many times, I was always fascinated by the lack of “me, me, me” ego so often seen in the West. Collaboration is at the heart of the hard work that went into these works of art. Enjoy.
Stunning crop art has sprung up across rice fields in Japan, but this is no alien creation. The designs have been cleverly planted.
Farmers creating the huge displays use no ink or dye. Instead, different color rice plants have been precisely and strategically arranged and grown in the paddy fields.
As summer progresses and the plants shoot up, the detailed artwork begins to emerge.
A Sengoku warrior on horseback has been created from hundreds of thousands of rice plants. The colors are created by using different varieties. This photo was taken in Inakadate, Japan.
Napoleon on horseback can be seen from the skies. This was created by precision planting and months of planning by villagers and farmers located in Inkadate, Japan.
Fictional warrior Naoe Kanetsugu and his wife, Osen, whose lives are featured on the television series Tenchijin, appear in fields in the town of Yonezawa in the Yamagata prefecture of Japan.
This year, various artwork has popped up in other rice-farming areas of Japan, including designs of deer dancers. Smaller works of crop art can be seen in other rice-farming areas of Japan, such as this image of Doraemon and deer dancers
The farmers create the murals by planting little purple and yellow-leafed Kodaimai rice along with their local green-leafed Tsugaru, a Roman variety, to create the colored patterns in the time between planting and harvesting in September.
The murals in Inakadate cover 15,000 square meters of paddy fields.
From ground level, the designs are invisible, and viewers have to climb the mock castle tower of the village office to get a glimpse of the work.
Closer to the image, the careful placement of the thousands of rice plants in the paddy fields can be seen.
Rice-paddy art was started there in 1993 as a local revitalization project, an idea that grew from meetings of the village committees. The different varieties of rice plants grow alongside each other to create the masterpieces.
In the first nine years, the village office workers and local farmers grew a simple design of Mount Iwaki every year. But their ideas grew more complicated and attracted more attention.
In 2005, agreements between landowners allowed the creation of enormous rice paddy art.
A year later, organizers used computers to precisely plot planting of the four differently colored rice varieties that bring the images
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Collaboration, Diversity, Economy, Family-Based Patterns, Japanese art, Leadership, leadership programs, Natural art, Resilience, Rice, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Collaboration, Communication, Consulting, Diversity, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Team Building, Transformation, Trust | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
Recently Jeff Zucker, President and CEO of General Electric Co’s NBC Universal Entertainment, told PBS interviewer Charlie Rose: “It’s the sign of a leader to step up and say you know when something’s not working, and have the guts to reverse it”.
By the end of the interview, it was questionable whether Zucker, like Conan O’Brien, would be fired. That is the way we work. Take risks, win and get the equivalent of an Oscar. Lose, and get the boot!
Is there a better way? Can there be a middle ground where what is learned when risk- taking fails gets dissected, and gives those in the loop a chance to reform their thoughts and actions in a more positive way?
What is so often the case is that the “loser” is so busy defending what has happened and is feeling the heatwaves of being under constant attack, there is no time to learn from what has been going on.
As a culture, we are so addicted to winning, and accept that as the only way. We lose, yes – lose both sight of the value of the down side of risk taking, as well as the human cost of defending, explaining and justifying behavior.
Jeff Zucker may be in a stagnant time in his career. He may be used up in his CEO role. On the other hand, he may well be in a fertile time of learning from the mess and come up with some real and juicy ideas that will get NBC out of the doldrums. If he is fired, he will lose and so will whoever replaces him. There is always backlash where the pendulum often swings to the opposite side. Thus, conservative, risk adverse individuals often follow the risk takers and progress is paralyzed.
So, NBC, a paraphrase from the song “Give peace a chance”, think about it and “Give Jeff a chance”.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Economy, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family-Based Patterns, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, pattern aware, Politics, Power, Stress, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Super Achiever, Team Building, The media, leadership development | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
Are leaders measured by different standards than the rest of us? If not, they should be! They are the ones who set the standards of what matters at work, or in society, and if they are in the “Follow me, I know the best way to go” mode, then we really need to ask and understand what and why we should follow.
It is time to evaluate our teachers, our politicians, our gurus by standards that show they live what they teach. However, are sports stars or media moguls in the same classification? They are great at letting us know the best way to swing a bat, make a basket, run a race or what to wear to be hip and in. That is a far different cry than how to live a life.
What are the questions we should be asking of our leaders? Do we have a right to ask about their personal lives or is it enough that they show us how to make money or gain an edge over our competition at work?
Perhaps all the “news” about affairs and betrayals are exploding so that we can ask the real questions about what it means to compose a life, to live with integrity. All leadership development programs need a section to look at the ethics of living a purposeful life, one that can withstand today’s demand for radical transparency.
Eugene Robinson’s article in The Washington Post is a great example of what we are searching for in our own lives as we explore the foibles and mistakes of others. A big question is why we are spending so much time dissecting Tiger Woods and his troubles when we have global warming and starvation and wars to contend with. Perhaps we are all looking at the rich and famous and seeing ourselves in them, No, not the big houses or shiny cars, more the underlying human dilemmas of what it really takes to be happy aside from the glitz and glitter.
Maybe it is time for us to sit with each other and redefine success. Do the Tiger Woods of the world exemplify successful living just because they can be golf wizards or Wall Street magicians?
It is time for all of us to think about, and share with each other, how we can bring forth in our culture what we all desire: love, truth, fairness, trust, and empathy. If out of all the messes in relationships we have seen this year, we can begin to open up dialogues about our human connection, then Tiger, Governor Sanford, Bernie Madoff, and the like will have given us a gift beyond just the ramble of gossip.
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Education, Emotions, Ethics, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Leaders, leadership programs, Media, Money, pattern aware, Relationships, Resilience, Stress, Super Achiever
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Friday, August 28th, 2009
It still feels like summer, although there are a few red and gold leaves starting to sprinkle themselves on trees. Yet, there is a sense of anticipation in homes with children ready to put on their new shirts, skirts, slacks and get into the groove of reading, writing, and arithmetic. In many districts the schools will be filled with kids and good to go. Sadly, public education, especially in urban areas will have lots of gaps and empty spaces. It is sad for the youngsters who do not have family support or school support. The future is being created at this very moment and it is up to us to begin to ask the hard questions about our society. We are being judged on how we care for the young, how we help the infirm, and how we treat our elders. On all levels we do not get very good grades.
Click on Link to view Sylvia’s comment on:
Education Notes On-line regarding “Chancellor Michelle Rhee’s leadership continues to drive students away from DC Public Schools and to shrink the public school system.”
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, programs, Super Achiever, Team Building
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Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
When I conduct one day Pattern Aware Programs at companies the same thing happens over and over. At the lunch break, everyone talks about a boss, co-worker, mother-in-law, ex-partner or neighbor who fits perfectly into the pattern mold. There is always a joke or well chosen barb.
Then in the afternoon comes the hard work of the game we call “owning your pattern”. A bit uncomfortable, yet people still leave with a sense of humor and a lot of humility.
One of the most common patterns in today’s work place, especially as you go up the corporate ladder is the super-achiever. No, I’m not talking about those who strive for excellence and can take a breath and give others room to be in the show. I mean “the must excel at all costs” people.
These are the ones who have trophy families. Spouses are right out of the magazine of choice, Vogue or Esquire, kids are in the best schools, and everything in the house is expensive and perfect.
Happy is not a word used by super-achievers; the only word that matters is successful. Want to know how to spot a super-achiever at the beach? There will be an iPhone and some magazines. Maybe a Harvard Business Review and a how-to book about the fad of the moment will be on a rather obvious Ralph Lauren beach towel. If family members are there, they rarely bother this very busy person, unless of course, there are some folks who are interested in a photo op.
So, how does a boss talk with a super-achiever? You need to first show appreciation for their success. Without that they will never hear you. Then quietly, very quietly, you ask a question that has to do with emotions and vision. The question has to engage the super-achiever at the level of making a difference. And then, the emotion may be just the hook to get them to be real. Example: “With all your great success how can you help youngsters who feel hopeless in the inner city?” And then, don’t stop. You need to put the emotional content in right there. “I do believe you have the kindness and passion to help these kids see a better way.”
Do this as if you are planting a garden, one seed at a time, and sometimes the acknowledgments take hold and a surprisingly beautiful flower will bloom. It will bloom as flowers do, just for the sake of bringing beauty to the world. It’s worth a shot!
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Ethics, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Harvard Business Review, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, programs, Ralph Lauren
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Friday, July 24th, 2009
If you ever want to scream and pull your hair out day after day, hang out with procrastinators. They inevitably mess up time schedules and project deadlines and leave an angry mob at the door.
Take Abraham Lincoln who had a Civil war to fight and his Commander in Chief George McClellan. The army guy was unwilling to attack. He was hemming and hawing to the point that a frustrated Lincoln recalled him to Washington saying, “My dear McClellan: If you don’t want to use the army I should like to borrow it for awhile”!
So, why the wait? It usually stems from anxiety about choice. Procrastinators were often children of super achievers who felt they could never, ever measure up to their parents demands. Better to wait it out than to be yelled at and humiliated.
The procrastinator likes to think things through, over and over and over. This leads to “analysis paralysis” and angry co-workers and customers. The leadership strategy for helping procrastinators is to help them increase their self confidence. Acknowledge even the smallest success. Do this often, and soon you will find there is a willingness to reeve the internal engine and move faster.
I believe we move to “get rid of the tortoise” and “celebrate the hare” way too soon. When the procrastinator gains some strength training and lets go of the internal fear of being judged, they are stellar employees who can make a major mark at work.
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Commander in Chief George McClellan, Communication, Conflict, Fear, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, programs, Transformation
Posted in Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Fear, History, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Super Achiever, Transformation | No Comments »
Friday, June 19th, 2009
When my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” began its journey in March I had no idea how it would be received or if it would be seen as “beautiful”. You know how it is with kids, you just hope and pray and love them, and you never know.
So when friends and family told me it was “wonderful” I thanked them and waited for the neighbors to check in. Also, great comments of appreciation. Then the strangers started to email and some even called. With baited breath I waited. And while most said words of appreciation there were the few who said “Eh”!
What was fascinating was not the “Eh”. It was me watching my response to “Eh”. I thought I had transformed the pattern of super achiever, the one who has to be best of class all the time. Yet, I began to question some of my book decisions. Maybe if I had…..I should have included….Why did I put that there instead of here…..
I found myself doing all the super achiever perfectionist dances I could think of and the chatter in my mind was ceaseless. That lasted for a few days and I must admit it was exhausting. Then I sat myself down and had a stern conversation.
I dialed down the super achiever lurking behind my best practices as a creative collaborator. I acknowledged that I got caught in the power these patterns from our families hold on us. The “Eh” actually helped me become more compassionate toward myself and everyone out there who needs to be the best at the expense of truly living the moments of life fully.
Soon my mind went to “Aha” and by evening I was even able to get to “Ahhhh” and let in the beauty the world offers us every day if we just look.
Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Conflict, Fear, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Stress, Super Achiever, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Conflict, Ethics, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Transformation | No Comments »
Monday, June 15th, 2009
Watching the Los Angeles Lakers win the NBA Championship took my mind back to super star Kobe Bryant’s early career. His family was from my home town of Philadelphia and his father also played in the NBA and coached at La Salle University when Kobe went to Lower Merion High. I always find it interesting observing children who stand on the shoulders of parents in a similar career.
Kobe, in his early years was, using my definition of a super achiever, a one man show. He would “hog” the ball and make negative comments about his teammates. Granted, he began in the big leagues right out of high school and needed to mature on his way to real success. Some do, some don’t!
Kobe was fortunate. He had wise mentors on and off the court to help him gain insights as well as assist with workplace conflict resolution. And being on a major sports team gives us all a closer look at how a high powered business runs when it comes to leadership and conflict.
Last night showed what happens when excellent raw material connects with a stellar hands on leadership training program, like the one led by Coach Phil Jackson. He passes as often as he shoots; he is a top scorer and number-one assist man. Kobe has been able to make the move from super achiever to creative collaborator. As I said, some do and some don’t. Observing someone move to mature leadership on or off the court is as much a cause to celebrate as the final score.
Tags: Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Leadership, leadership programs, Sports, Super Achiever, Team Building, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
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