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Fast Company and Randy Komisar

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Randy Komisar

The following interview with Randy Komisar underlines the requirement for leaders to have interpersonal skills that stand head and shoulders above the rest. This is where the leap from average to amazing occurs. Just one humorous note: as I read the article there is a sentence I first read as “people are not fun”. “Huh” was my thought as I reread and what it really said was “People are not fungible”. Now that is not the most common everyday word, so no wonder I skipped over it too quickly. However, this is a vastly important thought. People are not fungible; they are not interchangeable. Of course you can always get a replacement. Yet, that is not the point. We are all unique and if our skills and talents are helped to grow we all can work together to create success, as Randy states, “success is created by a group of people and not by a single individual”. Good thoughts to ponder.

What Breed Is Your CEO? Randy Komisar on Leadership and Management

BY Kermit Pattison

In the life of a company, every dog has its day. So says Randy Komisar, a veteran Silicon Valley venture capitalist and entrepreneur who has spent the last 25 years launching technology startups. Komisar is a partner at Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers where he specializes in working with technology entrepreneurs. “I’m not attracted to them because of the bottom line,” he says. “I’m attracted to them to them because of the top line–they change they can make.” His own pedigree: co-founder of Claris Corporation, CEO of LucasArts Entertainment, CEO of Crystal Dynamics, founding director of TiVo, senior counsel at Apple Computer, author of two books, and “virtual CEO” to an array of fledgling companies. In this Q&A, he warns of the classic mistakes of manager-wannabe-leaders, the perils of too many bullets and not enough Zen, and why CEOs are like dogs.

Kermit Pattison: What are the classic pitfalls you see entrepreneurs making over and over again?

Randy Komisar: Mistaking the difference between leadership and management. A lot of people believe the two are the same and believe that, because they have been effective or excellent managers, that they’re capable of leading. While the two ideally come together, the qualities and attributes of a leader and a manager are not exactly the same.

In your mind, what’s the difference between management and leadership?

Management is more operationally focused. It’s more of a supervisory role of setting priorities, allocating resources, and directing the execution. Leadership is more forward thinking, more about enabling the organization, empowering individuals, developing the right people, thinking strategically about opportunities, and driving alignment. Mind you, the line is not black and white. But it’s a classic mistake that because someone is a good manager that they’ll necessarily be a good leader.

In early stage projects, the CEO oftentimes is effectively a project manager. I’ve seen some of those people over-think leadership–literally start to compound the challenges by thinking too big and not immediate enough.

They start to think, “Oh, I’ve got to be a leader, I’ve got to start reading books and learning theory?”

Exactly–I need a vision statement, I need to define my culture in five bullet points. When I started running companies 20-something years ago, I learned that the first thing to do was to define my culture, which meant sitting down and writing up a cute little vision statement. What I realized, after being involved with enough companies, is that these vision statements all look alike, the words are gobbledygook and they’re not very meaningful.

Now what I usually say is, “We’re going to come up with a culture statement a year after we formed.” Put it on the calendar. Why after a year? Because then we can actually see what out culture is–what we don’t like about it and what we do like about it.

How much of leadership is natural versus a discipline that can be learned?

The first thing to realize is how many different styles of leadership can be successful. There isn’t one style of leadership that is innately more successful than others. There are certain skills sets, which are learnable, that are very important. You need to be able to communicate. If you can’t communicate well, you won’t be able to inspire, motivate and attract the resources necessary for success.

Prioritization is a really important skill. You’ve got to know what’s more important than the other thing. It’s amazing how many really smart people can’t prioritize. Only a minority of people can effectively prioritize and focus.

And you need to have effective interpersonal skills. That doesn’t mean you need to be social and it doesn’t mean you need to be outgoing. But it means that when you sit down in your office with somebody who’s relying on you for leadership, you’ve got to be able to emphatically communicate with them around their challenges, figure out how to help them be more successful and resolve their conflicts so they can do their job better than they thought they could.

You say companies need different breeds of leaders at different stages. How are CEOs like dogs?

I call the first CEO the retriever–the leader who has to go out and assemble the resources. They have to go out and find the people, the money and the partners. That person is really great sales person–they have sell the vision every day. They’re asking people to believe in something that doesn’t exist and take a substantial leap of faith.

The next is the bloodhound CEO. You got to find out where that value proposition is going to find paydirt so you can actually build a business around it. You’ve got something now, but how do you optimize it? You’ve got to sleuth that out.

The husky is the next one. Now you’ve got a product, a value proposition, and you’ve figured out your business model. Now you’ve got to pull this sled as it gets heavier with people, products and customers up a hill, which is essentially the hill of building a big successful business.

The one dog you never really want pulling your company is the St. Bernard.

The rescue dog.

Right. Because at that point you know you’ve got big trouble.

Even a great leader, if the wrong breed at the wrong time, can be a mismatch?

Absolutely. There are different talents in the creation of businesses and running of businesses that need to be taken into consideration. A mistake often made in the venture investment business is rushing to bring in a big CEO into what is still a small venture. The mismatch of skills is severe. The big CEO needs resources, needs a strong sense of direction and momentum, and is not very effective day-to-day with a bunch of people putting bits and bytes together. The other mismatch that’s harder to foresee is the small company with momentum. You say, great, let’s bring in the guy who can grow it to $100 million and take it public. The problem is that you may face yet another significant right or left hand turn in your business which that CEO may be completely unqualified to do.

I liken it to a story a friend of mine told me many years ago about driving through the Sahara. For three nights the road through the sand was dead straight to the south. On the third night, there was a right hand turn. At the base of that turn, it’s full of crashed trucks. I think about that CEO the same way. If you’re not an agile, venture CEO you are very likely to end up crashing at that turn.

What episode earlier in your career were formative experiences on leadership?

At Go Corporation I worked for Bill Campbell, who has absolutely been formative to me. Bill showed me, first and foremost, that business was worth doing. At that point, I was a lawyer and I certainly had no inclination to go into business. To me, business was about buying low and selling high–a fun game, but not an interesting life. Bill taught me the high art and that what was interesting are the people you work with, the people you sell to, the constituents and stakeholders you bring together, the art of being able to manage them all together to succeed, and to create potential beyond the obvious. I just found that mesmerizing–that’s why I do what I do today.

If you look at the ranks of CEOs today, who strikes strike you as being particularly thoughtful about leadership?

When I read interviews with CEOs lately around leadership, I’ve got to tell you, the stuff that gets published seems awfully conventional. I’m not seeing any brilliant insights about leadership lately from the leaders who get a following out there.

I’ve given up on the guru model and think more in the Zen model: things will change and that’s okay. What we need is a set of constant provocations. What I like to read are those things that really challenge my assumptions, authors who are willing to think differently, no matter whether I agree with them or not, because they at least broaden my own thinking. What I don’t like reading is the pablum–the 10 habits of great leaders or whatever. Those are constraining and not very effective for the average person.

Speaking of bad advice, what’s the worst advice about leadership you ever heard?

One of the most important lessons I learned is that people are not fungible. I’ve had bosses who said, “We’re not going to pay well, incent, or develop our people because there’s always somebody to take their place.” The problem with that logic is, while it might be statistically true, it fundamentally indicates a culture that is not going to invest in anybody. Nobody is going to become very effective.

The other piece of leadership that somebody tried to teach me, which I dismissed, is manage by the numbers–if you manage by the numbers everything else takes care of itself. Just get people to execute, measure, hold people accountable, and that’s enough. That’s not enough. Yes, it is important to instill accountability in organization, it’s important to have good metrics, to discipline the process, reward people, and withdraw those rewards when they’re not being effective. But that won’t get you greatness.

So what does get you greatness?

When I am most successful, it’s because the people around me have made me successful. It comes down to the fact that success is created by a group of people and not by any single individual. How do you get people to come together around a goal and objective and be great? It’s establishing a sense of common purpose. Greatness doesn’t come from a tactical sense of execution. Greatness comes having a vision that goes beyond yourself and even beyond the organization.

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Posted in Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, leadership development | 1 Comment »

Surviving Stress at Work

Monday, July 19th, 2010

It really doesn’t matter where you live, or where you work, stress can be a killer. If not handled, stress can creep in and become physical and emotional symptoms and can even ruin relationships. Here is an article from Australia that could be about the company around the corner from wherever you are. See where you fit in the continuum of stress and burnout.

 

Most of us have had to deal with stress in the workplace at some point. But how do you manage it and what are the warning signs that you need help?

Your mobile phone won’t stop ringing, your inbox is overflowing and deadlines are piling up. You’re working longer hours and there seems no end to the increasing demands on you. Fed up and feeling undervalued and unappreciated, you struggle to remember why you liked your job in the first place. Sound familiar?

Spend a reasonable amount of time in the lunchroom of many workplaces and chances are you will hear staff talking about feeling ’stressed out’.

One reason for this is that many workers feel they have very little control over their work lives. Workplace stress, like other forms of stress, occurs when people feel they are not able to meet the demands placed on them. A report into workplace stress (published by private health insurer Medibank Private) found people are more likely to experience high levels of stress at work when they are placed under pressure, in terms of workload and responsibility, but feel they are unable to meet their deadlines or control their output.

Another reason we’re feeling stressed is that figures suggest many Australians are working hard, or at least long hours. Almost one quarter of full-time employees work 50 hours or more every week, and the average working week for Australian men is almost 46 hours per week, compared to 43 hours in most other industrialised nations. (It’s harder to get a clear picture of the women’s working hours as many work casual or part-time, but OECD figures show more Australian women work part-time than their counterparts in other industrialised nations.)

Stress-related illness costs the Australian economy $14.81 billion a year in absenteeism and presenteeism, where people come to work but have low levels of productivity. The direct cost to employers is $10.11 billion and, on average, more than three days are lost to stress per worker per year.

And when stress at work becomes overwhelming it can cause a workplace psychological injury. While these injuries represent less than 10 per cent of the total workers compensation claims in Australia, figures suggest these numbers are increasing.

Burning out

Workplace stress can also have a dramatic effect on your job satisfaction, morale, physical and mental health, self-care, and relationships – both in and out of the workplace. And in some instances it can lead to ‘burnout’.

“True burnout is pretty bad and is an extreme state of exhaustion,” says organisational psychologist Rachel Clements, director of Psychological Services at the Centre for Corporate Health.

Burnout is not a clinical diagnosis, and as such, it does not come with a list of specific symptoms or treatments. But it’s a term commonly used by health professionals and the wider community and it comes under the umbrella of psychological injury.

“The formal definition of burnout is that the person must have three components: they are emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted,” Clements says.

“We see people with burnout, but we can’t classify them as that.”

When assessed, these people are likely to receive a diagnosis of ‘adjustment disorder’ or ‘major depressive disorder’.

When people put in claims for psychological injury, Clements’ role is to conduct employee assessments for WorkCover NSW and other insurers. She says the people she sees with burnout show signs of depression, lethargy and exhaustion.

But workplace stress manifest itself in a range or ways including nervousness, tension, strain, anxiety, depression and a decreased ability to cope with stressful situations.

What makes work stressful?

Long working hours, insufficient breaks, lack of resources and unrealistic deadlines all contribute to workplace stress. As can relationships with co-workers and managers, especially if these relationships involve conflict, harassment or bullying.

But each of us responds to these stressors differently. So a work environment that just makes one person feel a little uptight, might push another person to breaking point.

There are, however, certain factors that can put you at greater risk of experiencing workplace stress, burnout or psychological injury.

A pre-existing mental health condition can make work really difficult for some people, says David Crosbie, CEO of the Mental Health Council of Australia. Another factor is that some people are less resilient and struggle to cope with stress.

“If people are already struggling to cope and then work becomes even more difficult, that can lead to an increase in their symptoms and a deterioration in their mental health and wellbeing,” Crosbie says.

“Often it is not necessarily caused by work. (Work) is an exacerbating factor.”

Although, Crosbie adds, people without a pre-existing mental illness can still experience extreme workplace stress and burnout.

Meanwhile, Clements believes personality can also play a role in a person’s predisposition to workplace stress. People who are more susceptible to workplace stress are often perfectionists, who tend to be very conscientious, hard-working and are prepared to take on excessive workloads.

“Also, people who are high in what we call emotionality: people who have a tendency to become more emotional, more sensitive (when things get busy or go wrong),” says Clements.

But even the most resilient of us can be affected by workplace stress, which is why environmental factors – such as a lack of team or managerial support, polices or procedures that generate low morale, a lack of value attached to the work and poor communication – can also affect workers, especially if these stressors are ongoing.

“We know that team support, manager support and job morale are the biggest buffers [to preventing burnout],” says Clements.

Workplace stress warning signs

Unfortunately, people do miss the early warning signs that they are stressed.

“We are called in (to assess people) when they are eight or nine on the stress scale of 10, when everyone is noticing it,” adds Clements.

But there are some warning signs that tell you heading towards the upper end of the stress scale, these can include:

  • Struggling to cope at work and not speaking up or seeking help to improve your situation.
  • Not setting boundaries between your work and home life – taking work home with you, checking your emails outside work hours, or just thinking about work in non-work time.
  • Having low morale – this includes not feeling supported, not being able to find meaning in your work and feeling undervalued.
  • Engaging in negative, irrational and catastrophising thinking patterns such as: “I have to be responsible for everything.” “Everything will collapse without me.” “I have to perform to 100 per cent.”
  • A real or perceived lack of control over your job and how you do it.
  • Feeling undervalued by your managers and colleagues.
  • Feeling disconnected from your colleagues and other people in your life. This is sometimes a problem for people who do shift work, or work in jobs that require extensive travel away from family or friends or periods of isolation.
  • Taking days off work when you are not sick or going to work but not being productive (presenteeism).

Other red flags include: poor performance at work, avoiding family or friends and adopting maladaptive coping strategies (such as drinking too much or using drugs).

Stress can also manifest as new physical ailments or a worsening of existing conditions.

“Mental illness exacerbates all physical illnesses and increases the degree to which those diseases impact on people’s capacity to function,” Crosbie says.

Getting help

In some cases, people ignore the warning signs of burnout – or simply don’t notice them – until they reach breaking point and need to take time out to recover.

Although the recovery time varies for individuals, the average time off work for a psychological injury through WorkCover NSW in 2008-09 was 13.5 weeks. In Queensland it was 28 weeks, and 27 weeks in Western Australia (the longest of any injury claim in that state).

But Crosbie urges people not to withdraw from the workforce for too long. He says it can be counterproductive for people with pre-existing mental health issues as it can further disconnect them from life.

Meaningful work can provide meaning in life and ‘hold them through the difficult times’, says Crosbie.

And even when you do identify that you are stressed, you still need to address some of the issues that are causing your stress and ask for help.

In many cases, the best place to start is with your boss or manager, especially if your stress stems from being unclear about your role or responsibilities. Your manager should be able to provide you with a job plan or description and give you feedback on how they expect you to do your job. They are also the people to approach if you feel you need extra resources – such as equipment or training – to be able to do your job effectively.

Unfortunately, in some cases, the manager contributes to the problem through their poor communication, leadership style, lack of support or even bullying. In these instances it can help to approach your company’s human resources (HR) team or a trusted work colleague.

Many workplaces also offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP), which are run by external providers. If problems are identified, intervention strategies may include mediation between an employer, employee and a HR representative, assertive skills training and/or counselling programs for the individual.

 

 

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Posted in Business, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Stress, leadership development, motivation | 1 Comment »

Teaching Leadership

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

There has been a fascinating discussion going on for several weeks on the Leadership Think Tank Group on LinkedIn. The question is “If you could teach one thing to a young leader what would it be?”

There have been over 250 responses and the vast array of answers creates a composite of the myriad aspects of  leadership development. It does seem that the largest number of answers believe that leadership is an art and craft that can be learned.

One particular answer by Tom Tavares caught my attention. He talks about helping leaders with the vital skill of problem solving under pressure. He states “Based on 500 in-depth profiles of leaders in a wide variety of industries, 80% or more fall back on their own problem-solving skills when under pressure. Leaders start their careers as specialists and are strong problem-solvers. When pressure builds, fixing things themselves provides a sense of control.”

This is so true and is something we all need to consider when the going is tough. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” I talk about the fact that when stress hits the hot button we all tend to revert to patterns of behavior learned in our original organization, the family and that is what we bring into the workplace.

Think about how you coped under pressure when you were eight or ten or fourteen. Now, look at how you problem solve in your adult life at work? What are the common threads? this will help you find the way out to new and more effective behavior.

In the third session of our Total Leadership Connections program problem solving is a key theme. Participants have the opportunity to do a “Pep Talk” concerning a problem-solving issue of their choosing. They can decide to address a work issue or one closer to home. Pep Talk stands for “Pattern Encounter Process” and there is the opportunity to look at the long-term behavior patterns, the coping mechanisms that absolutely pop-up unconsciously when there is stress and anxiety.

What is amazing is how hard it is to see it on ourselves when we are in those stress-filled moments. We learned how to survive when we were kids. How do I know? Just look in the mirror; we’re still here. Trouble is what worked for us as youngsters is not always the best solution as an adult.

Think about it; did you take the fight or flight route? Many a young leader both takes the offensive and is a persecutor and finger pointer in getting through tough times. Others take the avoider route and figures everything will handle itself if I just wait long enough. Others become the victim, some the rescuers. There are the deniers who look a problem square in the face and say “No big deal”.

We can see so many of the patterned responses playing out in the tragedy of the BP oil fiasco. But wait, before you cast the first stone, look inside and think about your own leadership manner of working through tough times at work.

Back to Tom Tavares advice; he suggests leaders take the route of collaboration saying “one mind and many hands is less intelligent than many minds in solving problems from the outset.”  I agree that this can help stop the old patterned responses from taking over. Being able to use your leadership team in a cooperative manner and making sure there is openness to question decisions can lead to better and best decisions in the long run.

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Posted in Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Diversity, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family Business, Family Conflict, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Reflections, Relationships, Stress, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, Young Leaders, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »

Become an Office Environmentalist

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

I was doing some research about the environment. My mind went to Henry David Thoreau and how he was a “gadfly” to keep people connected to nature. He was a searcher for the truth and knew that our inner nature is connected with outer nature.

His life, his writing, was about seeking the deeper meaning, of everything. We have become such a “sound bite” nation any idea that takes more than five words to express is ignored.

Maybe we do need to stop, during these summer months and be quiet in nature’s bounty. Sit with the tress and flowers, sit with the sand and water, sit with the stars at night, and just sit. It was in this quiet that Thoreau wrote “Walden“.

What does this have to do with work you are wondering; nothing and everything?

We are living in such a polluted world and it is not just the physical chemicals, the oil, and the trash that is bearing down on us. We are also burdened with workplace conflict that seems to get worse and worse all the time.

With my coaching clients I am hearing more and more disaffection that co-workers have with each other. With all the team building programs, all the pizza parties, all the community days set aside, there is still an edge of tension in most work environments.

This emotional pollution is causing untold stress and it tumbles from home to work to little league. What can be done?

The idea of being an office environmentalist came to me as I was researching information about Thoreau. He died at the young age of 44 and left a legacy for others, including Gandhi and Martin Luther King to look at what I am calling emotional pollution and take a stand.

We are spending way too much time yelling at company officers who have done poor jobs, not just BP, check out the poor quality cement work of Halliburton in the Gulf as another example.

It’s not about how bad “they” are. What about our personal responsibilities for maintaining our beautiful planet, for being kind and civil to each other at work, in our communities?

This Thoreau quote stayed with me, I offer it to you “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”

Take some quiet time this summer and think about how you can help get to the root.

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Posted in Accountability, Boss, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Consulting, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Media, Nature, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, The Country Place, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »

Leadership Strategies and Mirror Neurons

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Here is the scene: at an off-site I was facilitating last week someone on the team was angry with a colleague. How did we all know Ted was angry?

He smiled. He answered questions in a smooth, quiet voice. He looked engaged……almost.

Yet, whenever his colleague, Dan spoke, Ted would shift from side to side. He would stop smiling and look as if he was sucking on a lemon. His would squint, as if tracking an impending storm in the far away clouds.

Soon everyone in the room had taken on a similar look; twelve people sucking on invisible lemons and waiting for the storm to start.

I waited until the first break and took Ted aside. What was happening? He was “surprised”, actually, surprised and relieved that I had noticed. “Well” he hesitated for a long, long moment. “Well, Sylvia Dan is a liar.” He waited to see how that statement went down.

I responded with a “request sentence” I teach participants in our Total Leadership Connections program. “Tell me more” I stated and then shut up.

The essence of the issue between Ted and Dan could derail the entire group if it is left blowing in the wind. It can cause havoc because they are two strong and competent leaders who would intentionally or unintentionally cause the rest of the group to choose sides.

Have you ever been on a team where members are smiling, talking properly and yet the dissention is there; and everyone knows it? I bring this up because it is a vital part of team dynamics and all team building programs should require a section about workplace conflict resolution. Unless conflict is faced and resolved it become like a systemic disease that impacts everyone.

I’d like to have you send me your “war stories” and how they were (or were not) handled elegantly. The first three will receive a copy of my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” and will be the basis of a series of blogs I am doing to help diminish conflict in the workplace.

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Posted in Accountability, Advice, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Ethics, Executive Teams, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »

Leadership Kaleidoscope

Friday, June 18th, 2010

We just finished one of the most rewarding retreats of…. forever!

Big statement; now I will explain. For the past year we have been working with school district administrators in suburban Pennsylvania.

That includes 21 men and women who care about education and care about children.

June 2009 was their first off-site, a two day program to help them coalesce into a seamless team. Seated in the circle of chairs in the beautiful great room at The Country Place Retreat and Conference Center were kindergarten, elementary, middle, and high school principles, head of special education, curriculum, counseling, finance, transportation, grounds, maintenance, assistant superintendent, and superintendent.

Let me paint the picture from last year. Anyone can sit in a circle. Anyone can say what they think is expected of them. Not just anyone can begin the journey to the truth, to the heart of the matter. With this group it took time and it took the superintendent to start the ball rolling.

When a leader is willing to be self aware and share the essence of that awareness with a team, magic happens.

That is what happened on the last morning of last year. The group had not yet become a team. The elephants and gorillas were standing sentry. It was going to have a disappointing end, sort of like a stale and soggy afternoon at the beach.

Then the superintendent asked if she could speak. There was an uncomfortable quiet. She talked about her pattern as a super achiever and how she hated to ask for help. She then looked around the room and asked for help.

One year later: an air of “Can Do” permeated the circle. Same type of chairs, same circle, yet, what a difference; this was a group that had coalesced into a team of aligned colleagues who supported each other and had become a kaleidoscope. Each was a different shape, different color, each had a different perspective about issues, yet they all had a common goal of helping the youngsters grow and learn.

Kaleidoscopes make gorgeous images no matter which way you turn them, point of light that blend together in new and unique ways from moment to moment.

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Posted in Accountability, Advice, Boss, Character, Collaboration, Communication, Community Relationships, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Diversity, Executive Teams, Fear, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Media, Nature, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, The Country Place, Total Leaders, Trust, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »

Are You an Open Book?

Monday, June 14th, 2010

There is a fascinating debate in most companies about transparency. How open should you be? It sounds so good, doesn’t it? And yet…..

How much openness is enough? Open to what, to whom? When do you close the valve of self disclosure? What are the ramifications of bringing up the curtain on your inner life?

The discussion, part of a Total Leadership Connections session, went late into the night. Here is how it started:

We had finished the powerful second session of the four part program, the time when everyone has the opportunity to answer the pivotal question “What formed you? What are the patterns that were handed from generation to generation that you have carried into your life, both at home and a work?

No one is required to reveal anything. It is an individual decision what to say or not say. Yet this is one of the few times that a program is set for business people to look at the patterns they learned in their original organization, the family and how those patterns were transferred to their present work organization. The level of “aha’s” is astounding.

Okay, so the formal presentations were over and it was time to unwind and chat. One thing, as they say, led to another, and one of the participants turned to a colleague and said “Remember when I mentioned that my brother has been an outcast in our family? Until you talked about your sister who was the black sheep and how you decided to find her and bring her back into the fold I never thought about doing anything to help. I have been embarrassed and really never talk about her. It’s private and painful.”

They continued until a plan was formed to call the same private detective and begin a search. The intention was set; the plan would wait till the morning. Neither man had ever realized that the pain of a discounted family member had landed right in their work settings. They talked about how each had become a denier; when there were deep conflicts at work, the principle way it was handled was to get rid of the “problem” and make sure that everyone stayed happy and job focused. No one ever talked about the emotional undertow of someone who was fired or downsized. It was business as usual, as if the person who left had never existed; just like in their families.

The next day they sat together and called the detective. A search would begin for the missing brother.

Life, as we know, is always more intriguing that fiction. At a lunch break when folks were checking computers and phones, the lost brother surfaced. No need for detectives. It was as if the intention to reconnect was enough. These kinds of synchronises happen when we are ready and willing for change to happen. They make differences for us in all aspects of our lives, at home and at work.

The key to leadership is not about being open or closed, as much as it is about the where, when and how. I suggest that it is all in the timing.

Leaders need a safe place to explore what pushes their buttons and what to do about it. They need to connect the dots of how home and work lives connect. They need to factor in the emotional with the rational.

The best advice I can give is to find a safe program to get under the obvious of leadership and peel the layers away. You never know who or what you can find and have a happy ending.

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Posted in Advice, Avoider, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Character, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Employers, Ethics, Family Conflict, Fear, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Trust, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »

Okay, You’re a Boss: What’s the Main Thing?

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Being a boss is a big deal; so many plates to juggle. Hopefully you began your juggling career long before you moved into the manager or supervisor position. If not, keep throwing them in the air and practice, practice, practice.

Here are some suggestions to help you as you let go, catch, let go, catch. The worst crashes to the floor; the most contentious and difficult to manage concerns clarity.

Here is what to watch for so the plates with the whole enchilada don’t to hit the ground:

1. Political correctness is toxic. Egos, yours and others, are unfortunately often rewarded by saying what sounds good rather than what is true.

2. Confusion dissipates clarity. Make sure you talk in short, sentences that have headlines, deadlines, and real expectations attached.

3. Favoritism destroys enthusiasm. Everyone needs something from you and as long as you are fair they will feel you are taking care of them.

4. Patterns trump logic. Learn to know the specific ways your employees respond when stress is high and meet them with language they can hear.

5. Team meetings are people meetings. Always leave some time for the team to talk about what they want and need that is not part of the formal agenda; being heard is critical.

6. Performance issues do not dissolve. Everyone is waiting to see how you tackle poor performance and if you face it head on or let it slide.  

7. Watch out for martyrs. They come in early, leave late, bring snacks for everyone and complain all the time. Stop the over-giving before it takes on an unhealthy life of its own.

8. Coach for success. Give private time to everyone and encourage the best that they have to offer and keep the bar high enough to push people past their comfort zone.

So, what is the main thing? Clarity and consistency are powerful tools. However, clarity wins over being consistent mainly because life has a way of throwing curve balls out there and forcing us to change the way we do things based on new circumstances.  

If you hear your staff saying they are confused you must stop everything and find ways to clear up the confusion. That will make both your job easier and their ability to follow you lead much smoother.

Here is a great way to help you gain clarity and eliminate confusion. When you think to yourself “I don’t know what to do here” simply take a breath, close your eyes and open them, do this about half dozen times. Then say to yourself, “If you did know what would you do”? Listen closely to the first thing that comes into your mind, it is usually a perfect answer for the situation.

Also, use this with others. Whenever you hear those deflating words “I don’t know” have the person take a breath, blink their eyes and then ask “If you did know”. It is a way of accessing inner creativity that may seem like magic, who knows, maybe it is. In any case, it works and you can keep the juggling going and going and going!

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Posted in Advice, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Management, Meetings, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | 1 Comment »

Can Your Boss Help You?

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

When you have meetings with your boss do you know what is truly expected of you?  Is your boss mainly interested in reports and results? Does she ask you questions or sit wait until you finish? Can you talk about your feelings? What do you know about each other past the projects at work? Does any of that really matter anyway?

The answer is “YES”. The better the relationship with a boss, the better the way you respond at work.

However, this is not about your boss jumping through hoops to please you, nor vice versa. It is about a mutual relationship that is the responsibility of both of you.

Most of us have been programmed to see the boss as an authority figure. In fact, most of us are programmed with memories of childhood and how we related to our parents and no matter how much we want to see the boss as just a man or woman who has authority over many of our decisions, remnants of mom or dad (or another primary caretaker) colors our reactions.

It is critical to learn how to manage your boss the same way you manage your subordinates. Just remember, you are two people who life has thrown together for a period of time to learn from and help whenever possible.

To learn the best way to approach your boss you need to do some personal work first. Find some private time where you won’t be interrupted. An hour is good. Then answer the following questions. Write the answers down so you can look at them in a week or two.

                       1. Think about your parents and answer: who was there for you when you were young?  How did either parent teach you about how to get along at school and with siblings? Who comforted you when you were scared?

                       2. How were you rewarded when you did a good job? Who was the person who punished you the most? What were the punishments? What are your memories about success and failure?

                        3. Did you get encouragement to do difficult things or were you on the easy track to play it safe. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike and who taught you?

Okay, bring your thoughts back to today and to work. Just do a quick scan of how your boss may resemble your mom or dad. Don’t dwell on it just answer this question: how do you feel supported by your boss. Next, what do you need that you are not getting from him or her?

Now you are ready for the meeting with your boss. Awareness is all you need, not discussion. So long as you have a sense of the underlying emotions that go with a meeting with an authority figure you are in a good place. The business is to come to an agreement on both sides; find out specifically what she needs from you and tell her specifically what you need from her.

Most bosses will value this type of dialogue. It creates a healthy playing field without the land mines that are so often there when a boss is expected to make up for the empty places unfilled from childhood disappointments.

One of the biggest culprits of negativity between boss and employee is in this uncharted, gray area of how memories spill from parent- child to boss-employee relationships. How you and your boss manage expectations will be a big factor in how you, as boss, manage your direct reports.

Learn from your meeting with your boss. It is up to you to develop positive relationships and not wait. You may even want to have a new kind of discussion with those closer to home about expectations. Can’t hurt!

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Posted in Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Character, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Executive Teams, Family Conflict, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, Patterns, Relationships, Total Leaders, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »

Leadership Strategies and Waste Management

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Where do you think you waste the most amount of time at work? Is it spending time gnawing on your hurt feelings about upsets with co-workers? Is it rewriting reports that have been done poorly by direct reports? Is it intervening in workplace conflict that is dragging your team down? Maybe it is in the time wasted in overly long, boring, or unnecessary meetings.

There is mental waste, emotional waste, and physical waste that can be eliminated at work that once cleaned out creates a more efficient, economical, and time saving culture.

Take meetings for example. They have been called the “black hole” of the workplace. Most people when asked, say they dread the length of time spent in meetings that are often seen as unnecessary and insignificant.

So many meetings are of the “just because” variety; just because it’s Monday, or just because we are senior leadership, or just because we are on the committee.

Take the time to evaluate routine, regularly scheduled meetings. The question to answer is “What is the key purpose?”

Once you decide the meeting has value follow the following rules and you will have waste management under control.

 1. Meetings are living theater. Have a title and an outline of important issues.

 2. Start and end on time. The curtain goes up, the play is the thing, and the curtain goes down. Run your meetings to stay within the structure of theater and you won’t go wrong.

 3. Have a main theme: No more than two subplots or you will lose the audience.

  4. Facilitator is the director. Keep the meeting lively and make sure all the “actors” know what is expected of them. Pre-rehearse with the main characters so they are prepared with reports and power points if necessary.

   5. Present with panache. Pictures are truly worth a thousand words. The brain will remember one picture sprinkled with emotional words longer and better than a long dissertation with vast numbers of numbers.

   6. Careful with handouts. Less is more in this overly stimulating world. Give a single page with key phrases rather than an entire presentation to follow.

   7. Ask questions. Give participants space to think in new ways and have time for Q&A. The key to successful meetings is engagement and involvement.

Meetings that are structured like theater are remembered and successful. The first few you do may be like off, off Broadway. However, as you become more comfortable with plot, subplot and the emotional aspect of drawing people into the importance of what you are doing for your team and your company you will get more and more buy-in. Who knows, Broadway is always looking for great stories, maybe one of your meetings can become a major winner. So, start thinking, which star would you like to play you in the theater production?

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Posted in Accountability, Advice, Boss, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Management, Money, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development | No Comments »

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