Archive for the ‘Workplace Relationships’ Category
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
There has been a fascinating discussion going on for several weeks on the Leadership Think Tank Group on LinkedIn. The question is “If you could teach one thing to a young leader what would it be?”
There have been over 250 responses and the vast array of answers creates a composite of the myriad aspects of leadership development. It does seem that the largest number of answers believe that leadership is an art and craft that can be learned.
One particular answer by Tom Tavares caught my attention. He talks about helping leaders with the vital skill of problem solving under pressure. He states “Based on 500 in-depth profiles of leaders in a wide variety of industries, 80% or more fall back on their own problem-solving skills when under pressure. Leaders start their careers as specialists and are strong problem-solvers. When pressure builds, fixing things themselves provides a sense of control.”
This is so true and is something we all need to consider when the going is tough. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” I talk about the fact that when stress hits the hot button we all tend to revert to patterns of behavior learned in our original organization, the family and that is what we bring into the workplace.
Think about how you coped under pressure when you were eight or ten or fourteen. Now, look at how you problem solve in your adult life at work? What are the common threads? this will help you find the way out to new and more effective behavior.
In the third session of our Total Leadership Connections program problem solving is a key theme. Participants have the opportunity to do a “Pep Talk” concerning a problem-solving issue of their choosing. They can decide to address a work issue or one closer to home. Pep Talk stands for “Pattern Encounter Process” and there is the opportunity to look at the long-term behavior patterns, the coping mechanisms that absolutely pop-up unconsciously when there is stress and anxiety.
What is amazing is how hard it is to see it on ourselves when we are in those stress-filled moments. We learned how to survive when we were kids. How do I know? Just look in the mirror; we’re still here. Trouble is what worked for us as youngsters is not always the best solution as an adult.
Think about it; did you take the fight or flight route? Many a young leader both takes the offensive and is a persecutor and finger pointer in getting through tough times. Others take the avoider route and figures everything will handle itself if I just wait long enough. Others become the victim, some the rescuers. There are the deniers who look a problem square in the face and say “No big deal”.
We can see so many of the patterned responses playing out in the tragedy of the BP oil fiasco. But wait, before you cast the first stone, look inside and think about your own leadership manner of working through tough times at work.
Back to Tom Tavares advice; he suggests leaders take the route of collaboration saying “one mind and many hands is less intelligent than many minds in solving problems from the outset.” I agree that this can help stop the old patterned responses from taking over. Being able to use your leadership team in a cooperative manner and making sure there is openness to question decisions can lead to better and best decisions in the long run.
Tags: Behavior, Collaboration, Communication, Discussion, Family, Leadership, leadership development, Leadership Think Tank, LinkedIn, Organization, Original Origanization, Patterns, Problem-Solving, Tom Tavares, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships, Young Leader
Posted in Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Diversity, Ethics, Executive Teams, Family Business, Family Conflict, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Reflections, Relationships, Stress, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, Young Leaders, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
I was doing some research about the environment. My mind went to Henry David Thoreau and how he was a “gadfly” to keep people connected to nature. He was a searcher for the truth and knew that our inner nature is connected with outer nature.
His life, his writing, was about seeking the deeper meaning, of everything. We have become such a “sound bite” nation any idea that takes more than five words to express is ignored.
Maybe we do need to stop, during these summer months and be quiet in nature’s bounty. Sit with the tress and flowers, sit with the sand and water, sit with the stars at night, and just sit. It was in this quiet that Thoreau wrote “Walden“.
What does this have to do with work you are wondering; nothing and everything?
We are living in such a polluted world and it is not just the physical chemicals, the oil, and the trash that is bearing down on us. We are also burdened with workplace conflict that seems to get worse and worse all the time.
With my coaching clients I am hearing more and more disaffection that co-workers have with each other. With all the team building programs, all the pizza parties, all the community days set aside, there is still an edge of tension in most work environments.
This emotional pollution is causing untold stress and it tumbles from home to work to little league. What can be done?
The idea of being an office environmentalist came to me as I was researching information about Thoreau. He died at the young age of 44 and left a legacy for others, including Gandhi and Martin Luther King to look at what I am calling emotional pollution and take a stand.
We are spending way too much time yelling at company officers who have done poor jobs, not just BP, check out the poor quality cement work of Halliburton in the Gulf as another example.
It’s not about how bad “they” are. What about our personal responsibilities for maintaining our beautiful planet, for being kind and civil to each other at work, in our communities?
This Thoreau quote stayed with me, I offer it to you “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”
Take some quiet time this summer and think about how you can help get to the root.
Tags: Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Environment, Gadfly, Henry David Thoreau, Nature, Reflections, Silence, Sylvia Lafair, Truthteller, Workplace Conflict
Posted in Accountability, Boss, Business, Character, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Consulting, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Media, Nature, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, The Country Place, Transformation, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Monday, June 28th, 2010
Here is the scene: at an off-site I was facilitating last week someone on the team was angry with a colleague. How did we all know Ted was angry?
He smiled. He answered questions in a smooth, quiet voice. He looked engaged……almost.
Yet, whenever his colleague, Dan spoke, Ted would shift from side to side. He would stop smiling and look as if he was sucking on a lemon. His would squint, as if tracking an impending storm in the far away clouds.
Soon everyone in the room had taken on a similar look; twelve people sucking on invisible lemons and waiting for the storm to start.
I waited until the first break and took Ted aside. What was happening? He was “surprised”, actually, surprised and relieved that I had noticed. “Well” he hesitated for a long, long moment. “Well, Sylvia Dan is a liar.” He waited to see how that statement went down.
I responded with a “request sentence” I teach participants in our Total Leadership Connections program. “Tell me more” I stated and then shut up.
The essence of the issue between Ted and Dan could derail the entire group if it is left blowing in the wind. It can cause havoc because they are two strong and competent leaders who would intentionally or unintentionally cause the rest of the group to choose sides.
Have you ever been on a team where members are smiling, talking properly and yet the dissention is there; and everyone knows it? I bring this up because it is a vital part of team dynamics and all team building programs should require a section about workplace conflict resolution. Unless conflict is faced and resolved it become like a systemic disease that impacts everyone.
I’d like to have you send me your “war stories” and how they were (or were not) handled elegantly. The first three will receive a copy of my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” and will be the basis of a series of blogs I am doing to help diminish conflict in the workplace.
Tags: Anger, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Team Collaboration, Truthteller, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationship
Posted in Accountability, Advice, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Ethics, Executive Teams, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
Since we know the only constant in life is change, I wonder why we do not have many courses on this vital subject throughout our school years. It should be part of curriculum beginning in elementary school. It is so basic to physiology, psychology, life in general.
I have joined a group on LinkedIn that explores change and the following is the beginning of a dialogue started by a colleague in Australia. I’d love to hear more comments. The question is key, “what do we listen for to get the essence of how another thinks, hears, and feels the impact of change?”
Here’s to a happy and productive day of “whatever comes along!”
Dialogue Question by Vincent Wall, Owner, Springboard Management Group: What is most effective in developing change analysts listening skills? Beyond paraphrasing, clarifying, reconfirming, checking client context, identifying the unspoken, speak to the listening?
Comment by Sylvia Lafair: Check your GUT! There are always emotion laden words that will slide by if you let them. This is where the real action is. We are all connected and mirror neurons (how words/actions of other) impact us. In “Don’t Bring It to Work” there is a part called “Sound Bites” to help get in step with how to respond to power words that otherwise would go under the radar.
Tags: Communication, Constant Change, Dialogue, Don't Bring It to Work, Leadership, LinkedIn, Listening, Neurons, Sylvia Lafair
Posted in Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Executive Teams, Integrity, Leaders, Patterns, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
We have an incredible team of administrators from the Derry Township School District at an off site at The Country Place. They are all achievers of excellence, so when I suggested that this past year we have been working together was “the year of the C” a look of disappointment went around the room like a cloud hiding the sun.
I explained, it had been a year of the “See” and the “C“.
They have all been willing to look at how a high level administrative team can harness workplace conflict, master workplace relationships, tackle leadership dilemmas, be pioneers and visionaries in the field of education, build trustworthy relationships, and have enjoyable friendships all at the same time.
They all “see with new eyes” and embrace life long learning. The task now is to take the skills they have learned to the faculty, board, parents, and youngsters they are helping prepare for the rest of their lives.
Here is what is in a “C“:
Challenge: response to the call that “there is a better way”
Connect: learning that we are all in it together and no one wins unless we all do
Curiosity: Shaking things up to see what “new” looks like, sounds like, and feels like
Culture: exploring how a culture blossoms when risks are taken
Commit: understanding the power of an entire system willing to forge a new path
Communicate: working with the forces of choosing the right words to tell the truth
Cause: weaving education, including administrators, teachers, parents, children, community, and board into a well constructed tapestry
My barometer of hope is high. This team of pioneers is making a difference. As they explore their own self awareness and the power of pattern transformation they are taking leadership development and workplace relationships to a rarified realm of innovation and creative intent.
Tags: Cause, Challenge, Commit, Communication, Connect, Connections, Culture, Curiosity, Leadership, leadership development, Off-site Retreat, Patterns, Power, School Administrators, The Country Place, Transformation, Workplace Conflict, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Advice, Character, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Educators, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership in Schools, Patterns, Power, Reflections, Relationships, The Country Place, Total Leaders, Transformation, Trust, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Monday, June 14th, 2010
There is a fascinating debate in most companies about transparency. How open should you be? It sounds so good, doesn’t it? And yet…..
How much openness is enough? Open to what, to whom? When do you close the valve of self disclosure? What are the ramifications of bringing up the curtain on your inner life?
The discussion, part of a Total Leadership Connections session, went late into the night. Here is how it started:
We had finished the powerful second session of the four part program, the time when everyone has the opportunity to answer the pivotal question “What formed you? What are the patterns that were handed from generation to generation that you have carried into your life, both at home and a work?
No one is required to reveal anything. It is an individual decision what to say or not say. Yet this is one of the few times that a program is set for business people to look at the patterns they learned in their original organization, the family and how those patterns were transferred to their present work organization. The level of “aha’s” is astounding.
Okay, so the formal presentations were over and it was time to unwind and chat. One thing, as they say, led to another, and one of the participants turned to a colleague and said “Remember when I mentioned that my brother has been an outcast in our family? Until you talked about your sister who was the black sheep and how you decided to find her and bring her back into the fold I never thought about doing anything to help. I have been embarrassed and really never talk about her. It’s private and painful.”
They continued until a plan was formed to call the same private detective and begin a search. The intention was set; the plan would wait till the morning. Neither man had ever realized that the pain of a discounted family member had landed right in their work settings. They talked about how each had become a denier; when there were deep conflicts at work, the principle way it was handled was to get rid of the “problem” and make sure that everyone stayed happy and job focused. No one ever talked about the emotional undertow of someone who was fired or downsized. It was business as usual, as if the person who left had never existed; just like in their families.
The next day they sat together and called the detective. A search would begin for the missing brother.
Life, as we know, is always more intriguing that fiction. At a lunch break when folks were checking computers and phones, the lost brother surfaced. No need for detectives. It was as if the intention to reconnect was enough. These kinds of synchronises happen when we are ready and willing for change to happen. They make differences for us in all aspects of our lives, at home and at work.
The key to leadership is not about being open or closed, as much as it is about the where, when and how. I suggest that it is all in the timing.
Leaders need a safe place to explore what pushes their buttons and what to do about it. They need to connect the dots of how home and work lives connect. They need to factor in the emotional with the rational.
The best advice I can give is to find a safe program to get under the obvious of leadership and peel the layers away. You never know who or what you can find and have a happy ending.
Tags: Co-workers, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Denier, Family, Family Conflict, family patterns, Leaders, Leadership Development Programs, Patterns, Responsibility, Siblings, Total Leadership Connections, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Advice, Avoider, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Character, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Employers, Ethics, Family Conflict, Fear, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Meetings, PatternAware, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Total Leaders, Transformation, Trust, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | No Comments »
Friday, June 11th, 2010
Being a boss is a big deal; so many plates to juggle. Hopefully you began your juggling career long before you moved into the manager or supervisor position. If not, keep throwing them in the air and practice, practice, practice.
Here are some suggestions to help you as you let go, catch, let go, catch. The worst crashes to the floor; the most contentious and difficult to manage concerns clarity.
Here is what to watch for so the plates with the whole enchilada don’t to hit the ground:
1. Political correctness is toxic. Egos, yours and others, are unfortunately often rewarded by saying what sounds good rather than what is true.
2. Confusion dissipates clarity. Make sure you talk in short, sentences that have headlines, deadlines, and real expectations attached.
3. Favoritism destroys enthusiasm. Everyone needs something from you and as long as you are fair they will feel you are taking care of them.
4. Patterns trump logic. Learn to know the specific ways your employees respond when stress is high and meet them with language they can hear.
5. Team meetings are people meetings. Always leave some time for the team to talk about what they want and need that is not part of the formal agenda; being heard is critical.
6. Performance issues do not dissolve. Everyone is waiting to see how you tackle poor performance and if you face it head on or let it slide.
7. Watch out for martyrs. They come in early, leave late, bring snacks for everyone and complain all the time. Stop the over-giving before it takes on an unhealthy life of its own.
8. Coach for success. Give private time to everyone and encourage the best that they have to offer and keep the bar high enough to push people past their comfort zone.
So, what is the main thing? Clarity and consistency are powerful tools. However, clarity wins over being consistent mainly because life has a way of throwing curve balls out there and forcing us to change the way we do things based on new circumstances.
If you hear your staff saying they are confused you must stop everything and find ways to clear up the confusion. That will make both your job easier and their ability to follow you lead much smoother.
Here is a great way to help you gain clarity and eliminate confusion. When you think to yourself “I don’t know what to do here” simply take a breath, close your eyes and open them, do this about half dozen times. Then say to yourself, “If you did know what would you do”? Listen closely to the first thing that comes into your mind, it is usually a perfect answer for the situation.
Also, use this with others. Whenever you hear those deflating words “I don’t know” have the person take a breath, blink their eyes and then ask “If you did know”. It is a way of accessing inner creativity that may seem like magic, who knows, maybe it is. In any case, it works and you can keep the juggling going and going and going!
Tags: behavior patterns, Boss, Career, Clairty, Coaching, Communication, Egos, Employees, Martyr, Patterns, Performance, Supervisor, Team Meetings, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Advice, Boss, Boss-Employee Relationship, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Decision Making, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Management, Meetings, Patterns, Reflections, Relationships, Workplace Relationships, leadership development, motivation | 1 Comment »
I have recently joined some 
Sometimes I think we are looking at little tidbits of information hoping that will give us easy answers. Partly we all have been trained to sort and judge, sort and judge, sort and judge. It is initially more complex to look at the whole enchilada, the whole system for answers.
We just finished one of the most rewarding retreats of…. forever!